Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abusive father

Woman alone

Assalam o alaikum...

I'm a 16 year old Muslim and I'm going through a lot at the moment.

I'm living in Europe with my family including my siblings and my parents. The problem is that my father is abusing me. I mean he has "bad eyes" on me.... It has happened 3 times that he has tried to touch my private parts but everyone I stopped him...I told my my mother and everytime something happens,she is the first one I talk to...she shouts at him and he always replies saying that we are getting him wrong!! I mean SERIOUSLY?? Im not  a child anymore that I can't understand what he is trying to do,I really hate him!!!! He swears upon god and reads the kalma that this is not what he was doing and makes excuses like he was looking for the phone etc.But i know that he is a big liar.And it mostly happens when I'm sleeping...

My elder sister has gone through the same,but now she is married and has a son and she thinks that our father has changed but HE HASN'T!!!

I'm scared that if I tell her or my brother they might kill him,My brother really loves me and I can proudly say that he loves me the most in the world along with my mother and sister..

I don't know what to do,I try to speak to him as little as possible but I don't want my sister to suspect anything,I'm scared she might do something dangerous!

I pray 5 times a day and I believe in Allah but sometimes I think that he is angry with me,another problem I'm going through is that I'm having bad thoughts about Allah and The Prophet(PBUH) which is really want to get rid of!

Please tell me what to do,all I want in my life is Allah and his Noor and his guidance,I want him to be happy with me and I want to know how should I behave with my father because I don't respect him at all now,whenever I look at him I feel like I am looking at the Shaytan!!!

Please reply soon...


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25 Responses »

  1. My dear Arsam123.

    My heart goes out for you.You father is abusing you. need to get out of itYou are only could wait till you are 18 so can move out. In the meantime keep yourself out of your father's way. Never stay alone with him. Talk to you mother it's her job to protect you from your evil father.if she refused to believe you perhaps she is in denial, call the social worker and they will help you & provide you with safer place to stay, till you are an adult. You said your brother is close to you. Talk to him and ask him to help you move out.may be you could live with your brother.even your mother should not live with such a don't know she might be afraid of him

    Educate yourself & make a life for yourself.eventually find a good don't need to talk about this. Allah will help those who help them self. You make effort and Allah will help you.
    Do a lot of Astagfullah. Continue with your salaH.

    May Allah guide your father. He might be a sick man.he may need to see some psychatry .
    May Allah protect you from your father's evil bahaviour.
    May you find a best solution.

    • ThankYou for your reply..
      My mother knows about it and she is always trying to protect me but she hasn't told anyone father doesn't live with us right now,he is in a another country and i feel secured here but i get scared whenever i think of him coming back!
      I never talk to him whenever he calls but my blood boils when i see my siblings talking to him on the phone and i wish that i can show everyone his true face but i can't because in this way my family will split apart!
      I always pray to Allah but these days i have become very far from him...i don't feel connected to him the way i used to...

  2. Sister you must talk to your siblings ..this is important for you and your father...because he goid have a bad jinn in him.You might want to record on phone video for proof too because there are many who fall to sexual abuse...please listen to me ..your father needs help..He us a sick must protect your body and virginity...You have every right too plus your the one living youe life....dont regret this terribly mistake and let it will haunt you later...being a father is one thing but being a sexual predatoreven to your kids..he needs help workers and cops willfix him up.You have to understand that this is wrong and be brave .say it straight dont play games wirh this...Shaitan likes to pkay games and alwaus commiting wrong acts.1more thibg stick to the reading of quran daily and ask forgiveness and make lots of dua supplication...Dua is a weapon for tge believer!!attend the mosques for talks on Iman and help the poor and get a good education...and know that ife is always a test for good or bad we still go forward thanking Allah were muslims!

    • Please get help i have been through the same my father abused all of his daughters and even tried with his granchildren. Men like him will never change dont feel sorry for your father he has no black majic on him dont MAKE excuses for him he will continue as they are really paedofiles and in future will try with his granchildren please trust me your father will not change.
      My dad touched many times the quran he didnt touch me later he uses to laugh and continue.
      Get help dint destroy yourself and future children born in yourhousehold.
      May Allah protect you and your family

      • Mariam: Please get help i have been through the same my father abused all of his daughters and even tried with his grandchildren.

        How did you sisters react to sexual abuse? Did they talk about the family or just kept quiet when it as happening. How grandchildren are being abused? Don't let any grand kids near your dad? Does you mom know about abuse of her daughters by her husband.

    • I don't know if i have that courage to talk to my siblings....i know they will believe me but i'm scared of the consequences!
      I always try my best to stay away from him and one night i was sleeping with my cousin(my sister in law, i slept with her because my niece usually sleeps late at night and my brother had to wake up early in the morning so he slept in the other room) and my brothers had to go to work in the morning at about 5:00 and he came in the room but my cousin was in the kitchen making breakfast and he tried touching me and them said that he was looking for the phone and them he went into the living room where my brothers were having breakfast and i went into the kitchen and they asked me why i woke up and i said that i saw i dream in which a shaitan comes to me and says that he is not a shaytaan but he has shaytaan written on his forehead (i was referring to my father) and i asked them what it meant and they said that obviously he is a shaytaan....i felt very happy that day!
      Alhamdulillah he doesn't live here now,he's in another country and i hope he never comes back....

      • just talk to your brother..

        dear child protect yourself and stay alert. get elders involved coz i dont think this is stopping.
        Alllah bless u

      • Arsam123: in the morning at about 5:00 and he came in the room but my cousin was in the kitchen making breakfast and he tried touching me and them said that he was looking for the phone

        I wonder if your father looked for his phone in your sister in law's body also. Some one who can do it to his daughter will do in on any one.

        How did you react when he touched you looking for the phone?

        • No,my sister in law doesn't know anything about it....he came in the room when he saw that she wasn't there.
          When he touched me i got up and said that im gonna tell brother about it and then he said that i was getting him wrong and he came in the room just for the phone.

  3. Erm I do not think that, this is normal. Sister if you live in France then you need to go to the Police. My dad losses it sometimes and I really hate him for that. My dad has sweared at me and never motivated me to do anything, all my life he has compared me too other people’s sons. He always wanted me to do what he said.but he is not like your dad.If my dad or any relative I know did this then ALLAH is witness I would kill him. This is very very wrong. You need to tell your brother and sister right NOW!!!! Go to the police and tell your brother, because this can not go on any longer. And Please do NOT wait for that scum to change because he won’t. I will make dua to ALLAH swt to help and guide you and keep you safe from that bastard.

  4. Tell your siblings and your grandfather. Don't stay silent. Tell your father if he does it again, you'll file a report about him to the police. This is against Islam and very disturbing coming from a father. Enough is enough.

  5. OP:My elder sister has gone through the same,but now she is married and has a son and she thinks that our father has changed but HE HASN'T!!!............ I'm scared that if I tell her or my brother they might kill him,My brother really loves me and I can proudly say that he loves me the most in the world along with my mother and sister.......I don't know what to do,I try to speak to him as little as possible but I don't want my sister to suspect anything,I'm scared she might do something dangerous!

    How do you now your elder sister was also abused by your father? How long dd it go on. What made him stop abusing her?

    I think a video evidence will make stop. Does your brother know what happened to your elder sister? If you want him to stop you need to talk to your sister and make some plan.

    • svs why do you ask so many difficult questions

    • I often used to hear her arguing with my mom and saying that she has suffered a lot because my mom always told her to not talk about it infront of anyone...
      Then my mom told me about it....and she said that my sister used to say that she wouldn't let me go through the same but i don't know how she will react when she finds out about it....

  6. Salam,

    Can you try recording yourself sleeping? This way if he comes by you can catch him on tape.

  7. I'm really disgusted with how your mother and sister are being completely passive about the abuse they know you're subjected to. Why the Hell is your "mother" sitting back passively and allowing your father to touch you? What kind of mother does that?! Why hasn't she taken her kids and left this pig of a man that touches children inappropriately? Why hasn't she gone down to the police station herself and reported your father? Instead, she's letting him get away with his disgusting behaviour and she's putting YOU in the predicament where you have to wonder what you're supposed to do about the abuse. Just wrong! The same goes for your sister...why is she sitting back and doing nothing? What a family you have, honestly...with families like your's, you don't need enemies.

    You need to report your father to the police since your mother and sister seem to be unwilling to do it for you. Your father is a pedophile and he's incestuous - both of which are morally, Islamically and legally prohibited. If he can do it to you, he can do it to anybody. How do you know that your father isn't raping your sister's children? How do you know your father isn't going to rape your children when you have some? Or your brother's children? Or the children that play in your neighborhood? He's a dangerous man, and he needs to be stopped immediately.

    Your father is clearly in denial about his doings and feels entitled to abusing his own children...he's sick, and he needs help. You have to report him and let the courts of law look after him. Not only is it not your job to fix your father's mental sickness, but you also can't do it. He needs to be locked away from children and he needs professional therapy to learn how to cope with his dysfunctional desires.

    I also strongly disagree with the others that you should solve this matter within the family. What a seriously dumb piece of advice. What is the brother going to do? Either he will ignore that the incest and pedophilia is happening and stand by passively, just like her mother and sister are, or he will do something illegal and wrong like killing or beating his father. Either way, the outcome is stupid and pointless. Pedophilia and incest are too serious of matters to not involve the police in. We're not talking about silly miscommunication in a marriage here, we're talking about a man that rapes children. This is a legal matter, not something a brother sorts out.

    With that said, you should tell your brother what your father has done to you. Who knows, maybe your brother has been sexually abused by your father as well...

    • I agree with you .

      Report him to police .He is danger to the family and society overall .

      He needs to be hanged till death .

    • My mother really cares about me and whenever it happens she shouts and screams at him and he says that he hasn't done sister doesn't know about it,she will kill him if she finds out.
      I don't think its anything about rape,it's just that he tries to touch inappropriately....

      • I'm sorry, but how can you claim your mother cares when

        1) She's still living with and being married to your dad, the sexual incest abuser and pedophile
        2) She has not reported your father to the police to put a DEFINITE stop to the abuse
        3) She allows the abuse to happen over and over again

        Where I live, your mother could be considered an accomplice, because she knows the abuse takes place and she's done nothing about it. Shouting and yelling is not a normal or acceptable reaction to incest!

        • What lindita is saying and advicing is very accurate and beneficial.
          You should report him and i know it can be difficult as when i tried to report my father he beat me and my siblings plus mother with a hammer.i wish i had been brave to take that step but now my father is an old shiverelled man.. but he is was and still is a evil man he has destroyed my life my sisters and our children . Please everyone be brave and put a STOP to this abuse as they will always remain a danger around children in future whether its a boy or girl.
          I am in my 50 and i cant forget it destroys your soul and moral how a father can do rhis i wish he had killed all his daughters at birth so we didnt have to go through this. Day of judgemet these nasty fathers will not escape allah inshallah.

          • I'll take a brave step if he does something like this again.
            Not even in my dreams had i thought that something of this sort would happen with me....there is no one in my whole family like him,my grandfather and grandmother were the most AMAZING people ever,i don't know how he turned out to be like this.
            I have always been a happy girl and the most favourite in my family and i had seen many programs and TV shows about this abuse but i had NEVER thought it could happen with me.
            But now Alhamdulillah i don't think about it too much and i just focus on my studies and try to be happy.:)
            Please do pray for me.

          • Mariam ,

            Sorry to hear your sufferings .

            Life is so strange and cruel .Your father he needs to be hanged till death but still alive .

            If you hear this type of stories you starts liking islamic harsh punishments of death to such rapist .
            These kind of men should be stoned till death .

    • I wanted to ask something...i'm really shocked...i just read that pedophilia isn't prohibited in Islam and i can't believe it!
      Is it true???????

      • the people who write that stuff online are the enemies of islam, may Allah (SWT) punish them. they spread these false statements about the religion in order to make islam look bad. NO, Allah SWT does not allow incest or pedophilia!!! How can God be okay with abusing children??

        Please sister, dont read that kind of stuff online & get your hopes down. Allah SWT is watching and may he reward you immensely for this difficult and traumatic thing you're going through, i cant even begin to imagine what its like for you sister. But please be at ease that if your family does not do anything, Allah SWT is the all-seeing and he will give that sick monster justice for his disgusting crimes!!!!

        I feel so sad, disgusted, and angry when i read your story. i truly hope something happens to stop him from what he is putting you through.

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