Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Living with abusive mother for 25 years

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!

As-Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatuallahu Wa Barakatuh,

 For the past 25 years I've been living in a household that was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. My mother -May Allah SWT reward her- has been through a lot, but with that being said she has done a lot to me that damaged me pretty bad. I was always abused by my mother since I was little, and it wasn't about the big things it was the little things that I would get beat for. I never really had a childhood.


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6 Responses »

  1. Do dua 2 Allah that's all you can do, emotional abuse can lead 2 life long damage, but you suffered from all kinds of abuse, but try to forgive her, also you may be longing for love, which is totally expected, maybe try talking 2 her, hope that helps x

  2. Salam sister / brother ,

    Soo sad post ; I had similar experience and so did my sisters and brothers .

    There are 6 sisters and 2 brothers mashaallah but we are all messed up in some way or another .

    All of us have had breakdowns at some point and I am now in counselling.

    I soo understand what you are going through , the hurt the upset and the anger.

    All I can say is your not alone and that all this is a test from our creator so all we can do is learn and try not to repeat our experiences .

    May Allah guide you to inner peace and contentment .

  3. When people get abused, some time they are unable to function normally......get depressed, suffer anxiety, abuse others?

    Was your mother abused also by her parents, her husband? She probably got damaged and was not in a good state of mind and did not treat you well?

    You need to start looking forward. Your damage is most likely psychological and you can try fix it by understanding what is going on.

    I hope now you are free to live and make changes in your life as you please..

    Try to enjoy your life.

  4. Salaam, I forgot 2 mention I was emotionally abused by a family member, and this abuse resulted in me gaining a stammer, in-sha-allah it'll go, Allah is helping me through it, and he'll help u in the same way, and remember Allah (SWT) loves us so whatever happens, happens 4 the best! X

  5. Assalamualaikum,
    Brother or sister I understand ur pain..I know the pain of longing for love..I feel u r old enough to ask ur mom about the problem y she abuses u..try to understand y she treats u like tat..make dua to allah all the time..insha allah everything will be alright..and most of all have patience because allah loves those who have patience and seeks for allah's help..have all ur trust on allah..
    Allah hafiz

  6. Salam Jannah,

    I am really so sad to hear about your case. No one has the right to abuse others in any forms, including your parents. Unfortunately, they may probably the victims of the abusive cycle themselves. May Allah has mercy on them as well. I want you to know, it is not your faults and inshallah you may come out of the shadow and especially come out of the abusive cycle. It sounds unbelievable that those who are being abused will sometimes turn to an abusive person. But it is true that as they do not know what is the proper way to treat their children. It may be hard for you to forgive your mom deep inside. Try to face your true feeling inside and later (may take months and years) ask Allah to heal and forgive of what your mom did and does.

    Try to get some resources such as some counseling services, support group, it will help you to come out of your bad experience by reviewing how those experience affecting your life.

    I hope there is no more abusive behavior from your mom right now. You are an adult and can control the situation. Do not let your mom get into your mind again or at least avoid to see her until you are fully heal. When you are ready, it will be nice if you can bring this up to her as well. She may need healing from her past.

    Be well my sister, I hope you can find some resources to help you. Pray, making dua using your language to tell Allah how you are suffered and how you want to be. He is all hearing. Also, I find writing a journal helps to release and clear some unknown thoughts or experience.

    Be well, my sister. May Allah protect us and have mercy on our mankind. The purpose of creation is for human to worship him alone. We are a perfect image of our Creator, may Allah's mercy and kindness is with you always.

    Sister K

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