Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abusive mother-in-law, husband says he hates me. Please tell me what I can do.

prayer dua marriage

The Rights of a Wife over her Husband

I have been married for 1 year, it was an arranged marriage. My hubby loved someone else before, but his mum does not like the girl and that's why he left her. When we got engaged we were very much in love with each other.

One month after our wedding my mother in law's behaviour started to change towards me. At night she used to come to knock our bedroom's door for no reason, when I would go out with my husband, she would be irritated, IΒ even heard her saying that she does not want me to have a baby.

My husband knew his mum was doing wrong with me but he preferred not to tell her anything because he says jannat lies under mother's feet. I agree with him but does that mean injustices can be done with his wife?

Some of their close relatives became against all the injustices happening to me, and they told me that they will try to talk to both my hubby and his mum. I agreed because it was becoming too much when my mother in law was mentally and physically torturing me, when she made my hubby stop me from going to work and she started making me doing all the houseworks while she kept sitting in front of the t.v almost all the day. When the relatives talked to them, they were both angry and my hubby started behaving like a stranger with me, only when he needed to iron his clothes or to prepare his bag for work he talked to me... it was very difficult.

I asked my parents to take me at their place for some days thinking that my husband will become normal with me after some days. But he called me and asked me to come and take all my belongings and go away from his life, he says that he hates me.

I love him a lot..some of his relative told me that they saw his mum going to people doing black magic. I performed istikhara prayers and I saw that a guy is being kept in a hole and he was tied up but I did not see his face, I don't know if the guy was actually my hubby.

I love my hubby a lot and I want him to be with me, I want to live my life with him, we had a lot of dreams together. I don't want him to leave his mum, I just want his mum to understand that I can't take her place in his son's life but even I have some rights on my hubby. Please help me, I love my hubby and I want to be with him till death separates us.

nadia sheik

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16 Responses »

  1. Looks like your mother in law does not care about happiness of his son. You and your husband should see a muslim marriage counsellor togather. What kind of a mother would go knock his son't bedroom door at night.?Mothers should be respected but mothers should treat their kids right also.

  2. Sister,

    You may love your husband however he is weak and controlled by his mother. What kind of woman comes to her sons bedroom and knocks on his door at night? Going to your parents was a good call on your part. However, it seems your husbands mother just filled his head with all kinds of ugly and negative talk hence his call to you. God willing he might have some time alone to consider what he is doing here and how he is going to lose you. I don't think he hates you. I think he is controlled by his manipulating mother who won't be happy until he is alone and she destroys his marriage.

    Salam

  3. paradise is below mother's feet.

    yes,its true but you forgot that its only applicable for those who believe and pious.

    the rule does not apply for cultural non-islamic mothers.

    giving respect is necessary to all mothers but when they cross the line or do not follow islamic law you are free to do the just thing.

    your hubby left one girl coz his mother told him,sorry if the girl was sad and did dua your hubby will be in trouble.

    if your hubby is facing problems then its his own fault.

    black magic weakness is Quran,

    Quranic verses are acid for shaytan.

    be in wudu and recite Astagfirullah x100 times daily

    especially your hubby should ask forgiveness all the time,if he cared for his mother he should had asked her mother before he fell in false love with that first girl.

    my advise to you is if your mother in law is unjust and doing things which cause rift between you and your husband leave the place and live in a seperate home.

    AllahSWT is creator of Alamin,nothing happens without his will.

    Salaam.

  4. Assalamualaikum

    i also stuck in same situation

    iam from india , belong to very good family , right from childhood me and my siblings have never got my fathers support and love my mom took care of us alone so well she educated us , and gave us every support my mum always prayed allah for only our happiness and good life , she has face lot of problems in her life ,
    i got married on dec 22 , 2013, its been just one and half months and my life has changed totally , its hurting me every moment , alhumdulilah my husband ios very good man he loves me very much , but problem is with his mother , during wedding she said she dosent want anything as dowry etc and marriage was simple and good but after marriage she is taunting me every moment for simple wedding that my family did not serve them properly , my mother did not give any dowry , etc and more and more things she keep hrting me talking bad about my mom and family , i showed lot of patience but things were getting worse , my husband supported me a lot even he was watching all his mother was saying and doing , she fights with me for no reason , since my wedding i am not well often and keep having headache and fever and doctor said for bed rest but she though knowing iam not well makes me do household work and forced me to eat beef that i dont like and iam alergic to it and i vomited she makes issue for everything , allah knows well i have tried my best to adjust but i am helpless she started being more abusive using foul language saying iam doing black magic on her son she is blaming me for things i never did , iam mentally tired , cant take this anymore she treats me like maid, i have 4 brother in laws , and she wants me to serve them when i told clearly they are ghair mehram i cant do this so she says think them like us brothers , when i think them like my brothers she says i have no shame ........ allah plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me πŸ™ i dont want to live thr i want my husband to give me seprate house and privacy as everyday i feel i am doing sin as my brother in laws are always in hall as house is very small i have to face them πŸ™ , my question is what islam says about mother in lwas and her rights on daughter in law , my mother in law says she and my father in law are first and then my husband it is so hurting ,

    i want to live happy life with my hubby even he want to go out of house but they are emotionally traping us .saying bahu and sasural rules , i want to know what islam says about mother-in-law and inlwas

    my question is what does islam and our sharia says regard to inlaws rights over daughter in laws it is really torturing and hurting when they say we are married to there sons to serve inlaws πŸ™ treated as maids and our happiness is always been ignored even we are ill we are not permitted to talk about it why is this injustice on us πŸ™

    • Sister Aymanimran,

      You have every right to your own apartment if your husband can so afford. Your husband can inform his family you are finding a place of your own and there is absolutely nothing haram in doing so.

      Salam

      • assalamualaikum

        thanks πŸ™‚ alhumdulilah we are looking for separate house πŸ™‚ and my husband has spoken to his family and informed them ,right now i am at my mothers place till he finds right place to live he visits my mum place daily while returning from work , please pray may allah guide us to live clean and peacefull life and bring up our kids well in future Ameen πŸ™‚

        jazakallah khair

  5. i know this all is hard ..all females go through this so don't feel that your alone fighting through this..just pray and more over..i think that the mother in law..is scared for herself..and she does not want to let go off her son .. i think she is scared that a day will come when he will love you more then her...go back to him ...and sit and sort things out with him ...and every time before you talk to him read quran ..and no matter who does magic on you if you are good with your Islam ..no one can harm you ..the only way out is make him listen to you..if you both are not getting time to talk ... i suggest write a letter to him...and trust me its better you solve this problem face to face ...because on mobiles and all misunderstandings get created..and don't say anything bad about his mother for now ..because he has lived with her his whole life so he may not believe you...and rebel ..just try to make him think about your boths future that will be much better way to start from read little ...quran and salah together so Allah will help you regain your bond back with him...this is the shaitan trying to create misunderstandings between you both ..take Allah's help...im a little small to this all but i try my best to help...i really hope you will be OK ...

  6. dont listen to ur mother in law its ur life and ur husband πŸ™‚

  7. Omg... dear I hv been facing d same problem my mil doesn't want us to have a bby she ask my hubby tht door to b kept open at night she tortured me every single day jus after 5th day of my marriage shez torturing me n my husband never supports me he had a gf before marriage n still loves her though shez married I'm everyday facing a problem lyk physically n mentally both by my husband but by God grace I got preg due to this my hubby did physical harm I came home now dey don wan me to cm bck but I vl go n vl fight fr my rights

  8. I am going thrw similar hell..is there any remedy..i am a hindu..if. any islamic remedy can be done pls pls let me kbow . I am expectingband husband wants to seperate bcs mother in law.dsnt feel comfortable.she wants to fight with me and put the blame on me .i dont know why destiny is doing. This to me.pls help

  9. If you knew your mother in law was psychotic how would you behave with her? Just assume your mother in law is mentally ill and deal with her as she is a mentally ill.

    You have not mentioned what your mother in law is doing?

    Start smiling and respecting your mother in law, to thow her off. Don't argue with her, Arguing does nothing. People rarely change their mind after argiung. Arguing can just make one angry, sad etc.

    • It is a world cries mother in law interference in their sons married life.. It is hell. That is why the Bible speaks against them. If I have to be involved so much in my son life. I am asking God from now to stop me, if it's an epidemic? I don't know, God forbid!!

  10. Help me plz... My first marriage is broken as he is an impotant n lot of torcher I saw n after 7 years I am
    Free now and did second marriage against to his parents but they accepted me just nominal as I got kid. I got married in 2011 . I got three year old kid. My inlaws alwaz torchered me mentally for three years. Now they started using bad language that u r second marriage and u r in danger zone like dis . Now even due to them my husband also turn to them not caring my feelinga. Mentally I am tired and lost. Now I became silent n not talking to any one but somehow living for sake of kid. But now inlaws want us to shift to them which is hell for me and indigestible and I can c myself dead if I go there. Just a glance if thought I get severe head ache what to do...

    • Person who uses bad language is the bad one. Your second husband married you knowing full well that you were married before. Try one thing, be nice to people even when they are bad,keep smiling I know it hard but stop reacting to people. What is the reason your in laws want you to move in with them? Do you guys live in the same city?

  11. Where should I start? ??
    I have been married almost 9 years now and have just about had enough of a cheating, lying, fraudster husband.
    I am the main bread winner and finance all the out going's in the house including the children's expenses.
    Yesterday evening I was informed that my husband has indecent images of young girls on his phone which the police have investigated. He is on bail and due to be interviewed soon.
    I have 2 young children both under the age of 8 years, 1 boy and girl.
    My husband has treated me really badly swearing, stealing from me, hitting me, lying to me, chaTring to girls on fb, hiding things from me including his phone which I pay the bills for taking my money and bank cards.
    BTW I am a professional teacher in a secondary school.
    I can't make sense of him what is he? Who is he? Is he a prevert? Y can't or y aren't I getting rid of him. This is my house I pay all the bills and the mortgage on it and have done from day one.
    What should I do?
    I have told his parents, I have told dome things to my family too, I have prayed and tried being extra nice to him nothing has worked

    • Yesterday evening I was informed that my husband has indecent images of young girls on his phone which the police have investigated. He is on bail and due to be interviewed soon.
      I have 2 young children both under the age of 8 years, 1 boy and girl.

      Sounds like child porn. He may be heading for jail. Don't leave any kid(s) alone with him.

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