He accused me of cheating him and now I can’t move on.
Assalamu Allaikum
Dear Brothers and Sisters out there......
I am having a problem in forgetting my past and moving on with my future. I need your help.
I am sure every one of us would have fallen in love and had a bad experience.
I too deeply loved my ex. After he proposed to me he changed a lot, he started suspecting me big time.
I was tolerating him and explaining him that I am not the the type he thinks of.
In the 1st place I am an orphan I live with my sister am in 29yrs I got a lot of proposals but nothing worked out well. So I was very worried about my life. A girl’s life is not completed without a mahar.
I was a working girl as I had to earn my living after I met him and he proposed me I was so happy. He wanted me to give up my job; I did as he told me. I was always honest and faithful to him. He started suspecting me for using a mobile, I gave it up. He wanted me to stop having contacts with my old friends and I did so. When I explained him that he should not suspect me he says its not suspicious but his way of loving me.
My sister agreed to our wedding and a particular date was fixed then suddenly he was in a big hurry to get married I asked him the reason then he refused to tell me the reason but one thing he told me was he feels that if this wedding delays we will break up at that minute. I felt bad and I asked him for the reason coz we can work things out but he never told me.
He was a hot tempered person and had few arguments with my sister about our wedding then my sister told me to give him up coz he does not suit me and she too felt that he suspects me. But I didn’t want to give up coz I knw ppl around us are not the same and I truly love him so much.
Then once he told me to leave home and come with him to get married if I really loved him. I did love him I wanted to leave home but something STOPPED ME . I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT STOPPED ME COZ AM SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM.
SINCE I DID GO WITH HIM HE IS BLAMING ME NOW SAYING THAT I CHEATED HIM BIG TIME AND NEVER TRULY LOVED ME. BUT I TRIED MY LEVEL BEST TO EXPLAIN TO HIM BUT HE NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME. THE PROBLEM THAT I AM HAVING NOW IS THAT THIS WORD CHEATING IS NOT ALLOWING ME TO MOVE ON WITH LIFE. I AM FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO MOVE AND REPLACE HIM WITH ANOTHER GUY.
PLS MY DEAR SISTERS AND BROTHERS HELP ME GET OVER THIS ISSUE AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.
- Shamla
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As salamu alaykum Shamla,
Thank you for sharing.
You don´t replace a person for other one, every person is unique, you have to heal your wounds letting him go before other person get close to you, now focus in yourself for a little bit to digest what you went through, once you have learnt the lesson you will move on easily, insha´Allah.
Please, listen to the red signals when you see them, suspicious, jealousy, ...he was not good for you, that is not love, you have to recover yourself, piece by piece, everyday, if you have something to repent, do it and to pray your 5 salat on time will help you deeply, you will heal from inside, little by little you will get stronger, insha´Allah.
Try to have your life back, study or work as you want or need, exercise, keep your mind and your body active with things you want to do to improve yourself.
At the top of this page, you have articles about duas that I am sure will help you to move on. Learn about the Prophet´s Life, go deeper in Islam, read the Quran, you can find inspirational readings in IslamicSunrays.com, all of this may help you, insha´Allah.
You are in the process of moving on, have Patience and Hope, this will pass, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Aoa! Shamla leave him ur sister is rite u will have a better n happy time INSHALLAH.. Its not love if he's not trusting u n making u uncmfrtable. Be brave and save your life before he leave u kno option for backing of.
Salaam dear sister Shamla
Sorry that you are finding it difficult to move on.
"I AM FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO MOVE AND REPLACE HIM WITH ANOTHER GUY".
I find this comment slightly disturbing. As sister Maria said you shouldnt be thinking about replacing him with another guy. You need to focus on you. Your happiness should not be dictated on who you are with, but happiness should come from within and from the remembrance of Allah. This is true contentment.
Once you are happy with yourself, self actualised and content then you are able to give and receive love (in a halal way - between a husband and wife)
Which leads me to love and relationships.
"The zina of the eyes is the gaze (at that which is unlawful, eg. Nudity); the zina of the ears is to listen the zina of the tongue is to speak (what is evil); the zina of the hand is to touch (the female which is unlawful to you); the zina of the feet is to walk (towards immorality); the zina of the heart is to desire (what is unlawful), and it is the private parts which either commits or shuns the actual act of fornication."
If you have sinned, realise you are guilty but at same time please dont despair. Allah swt is the Most Merciful and will forgive you if you sincerely repent and Dont get in such relationships again. He loves you.
It also seems from your post that he did not trust you, and was pressuring you into marriage. What stopped you was your instinct - from Allah swt. Marriage to this man would most likely have been destructive. This sort of behaviour only worsens after marriage so you had a lucky escape alhumdulilah! This man seemed to bear the early hallmarks of a potentially abusive partner! So you leaving is a blessing!
Moving on will take some time, Thats normal. So dont worry too much about it. Focus on yourself and remove this mindset of replacing this guy. This is rebounding - NOT a good idea!
I recommend focussing on doing things you enjoy and getting closer to your deen. There are always ways we can improve. Pray your obligatory (5x) salat if you dont already. Learn about your deen. Get closer to Allah swt.
When you feel better, then you should look for a spouse in a halal manner dear sister.
I pray that Allah swt helps you move on and brings you happiness and peace in this life and the next!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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