Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Are my actions and dress sense haram?

Al Salam wa alaikm
I'm Zaynab I'm 14 I'm not that religious honestly but I am trying to be a better person I wear tight jeans with hijab and makeup but very light I do feel guilty in what I do but am having heaps of trouble changing.

Is it haram the way I am dressing and is it haram to have a relationship with a boy?


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6 Responses »

  1. Same here, I wear a hijab but i wear skinny jeans and tight clothing. :/ I'm 17 btw

  2. Salaams,

    I am glad you are wearing hijab, and I am also glad to hear that you are trying to better yourself and becoming more submissive so you can be the sweet girl you were created to be.

    Let's think about why we women have to wear a hijab. Is it just to have a scarf on our head? Or to keep our hair out of site? Of course not. We wear hijab because we are trying to be modest, as modesty helps our brothers keep from looking at us or desiring us inappropriately. We have value, and we deserve as women to be treated with respect, and modesty is a means to that end.

    So as you can see, being modest means more than wearing a hijab on your head. Modesty means wearing clothes loose and long enough that someone who looks at you could not make the shape of your body underneath, even if they're trying to! Needless to say, wearing tight jeans really wouldn't fit that. In fact, tight jeans are usually a fitna for men, whether the woman is wearing a hijab up top or not! Any sincere Muslim man will tell you that it's just as important- if not more- to keep yourself covered adequately below the waist so that they won't see you in an inappropriate way.

    As far as makeup, as ladies we do like to be pretty and gain the confidence that comes from dolling ourselves up. Again, when we do this where men can see our cute little faces, it becomes more of a problem. Men start acting flirtatiously with us and although the attention seems nice, the bottom line is that it's not based on sincerely knowing your character but is the normal reaction other's have to a lovely face. Besides, when you do pray, you have to make sure that the wudu water is able to touch every spot of skin on your face and even your eyelashes and eyebrows! I don't know about others, but I am too lazy to re-apply makeup after every salat. Sometimes a little powdered kohl under the eye and some lipgloss is enough to highlight your features without pushing the boundaries of modesty.

    Once you are no longer a little girl it is important not only to guard your modesty like I've described above, but you also have to take care not to mingle with boys or others of the opposite sex who aren't related to you. In light of that, being friends with boys or having boyfriends is not appropriate and should be avoided. When you get older, you will reach a time when it will be appropriate to think about marriage and there is a proper way to meet and get to know guys under family supervision so you can decide who you would like to spend the rest of your life with. Until then, stay focused on getting to know yourself as Muslimah of your age. More importantly, spend time getting to know the majesty of Allah and the beautiful safeguards He has provided for you within Islam. Insha'Allah in a few years you will see that the noor inside you makes you beautiful inside and out, and nothing that's been created can add to that!

    -Amy Editor

  3. Assalam-Alaikum
    Sister just wanted to add, as you said:
    "but am having heaps of trouble changing."

    I think you should start it with not buying tight jeans next time you go for shopping for clothes. MashaAllah your heart is already at good place, change comes gradually and with effort. You can start gradually changing your wardrobe, by selecting loose clothing next time you go for shopping.

    May Allah protect us and guide us towards jannah.


  4. Zaynab, yes to both questions. The mode of dress is haram, and the relationship with the boy is haram.

    It's a misconception that hijab is just to cover the hair. Hijab means to dress in a way that conceals everything that Allah has asked us to conceal. So if you cover your hair but wear tight jeans, you are not in hijab. The shape of a woman's legs and rear is more likely to excite a man than the hair. So you're missing the point.

    I'm not condemning you. Actually I think it's great that you are seeking knowledge in order to learn the right way of doing things, ma-sha-Allah. Now the important thing is to follow the knowledge you have been given.

    You must choose clothing that conceals the shape of the body. This is true for men as well, by the way, and I know that most men don't follow these rules. You see men wearing tight pants that reveal everything, and that's haram as well.

    So choose dresses, or loose long skirts, or baggy pants. Tops must also be loose, and the shape of the waist and breasts must be concealed, either with a loose top, or with a head covering that comes down over the breasts, or with an abayah (loose outer garment).

    It's not Islam's intention to be oppressive. You can wear stylish clothing, nice colors and prints, and be unique. Islam's goal is for each person to respect his/her own modesty and dignity.

    Wael Editor

  5. i am a 30yr old and I am having extreme problem with hair loss.... (question deleted by the editor)

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