Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Addicted to sex from the age of 6, can’t wait for marriage

girl innocentAssalamu alaikum.

My name is Halima. I am living in Nigeria. I have a question that I always wanted to ask but I've not gotten the right person or place to ask.

When I was about 6 years old. I started having sexual intercourse with my cousin brother. When I get used to it, I do it everyday. If I didn't have sex one particular day, I didn't feel alright. Now am getting to 17 years. I now started regretting what I did. I've even done sex with my father so many times.

Now, I just masturbate to help me get away with this problem. But I still want to stop masturbating. I want to get married but my father said I won't get married now until I finish Medical school and become a specialist.

Tell me how can I repent and how can I stop such a bad habit. May Allah reward you. I look forward to your comments.

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25 Responses »

  1. Are you reading (That which you are writing)?

  2. Dear sister,

    What did I just read? Did you have intercourse with your father???!?

    • I know I started answering and then I thought no one should be judgmental.
      This girl (she is 17 ans was 6 at the time of the matter) has been sexually abused by her cousin, brother and father.
      He, who abused her refused she gets married.
      I am feeling really sad. And I think you need a therapist. What you have been going through is just Abnormal and requires the attention of a specialist.

    • Dear sister,

      I wasn’t condemning you but I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought it was a typo or something because what you have encountered is beyond comprehension.
      Seek help, really seek help. This is not something which just passes by. Dealing with this is not something you should do on your own.
      Don’t get married before you have dealt with the issues from your past.
      Your body is your own temple, no one can enter the temple before you give permission.
      May Allah give you strength and sabr.

      Take care.

  3. Yh

  4. Please let's try to give the sister some good advice. Expressing shock, horror and revulsion at her story will not encourage her to seek help.

    She was clearly abused since the age of 6. She may have been exposed to sexual behaviours even before that and was replicating what she saw with her cousin. She did not have intercourse with her father. As that would imply it was consensual. She was below the age of consent. He raped her. This is a story of a damaged childhood. She was robbed of her childhood and exploited by her own father.

    She is nearly 17 years old.

    Sister Halima, I am amazed at how brave you have been to share your story. Having been through such a difficult life your only worry now is how to repent and turn over a new leaf! That is astounding! May Allah swt reward you for your sincerity.

    I don't believe you have anything to repent for as you have done nothing wrong. Great wrong has been done to you. However, repentance is soothing for the soul and can heal past trauma as we gain Allah's nearness through it. So by all means do much zikr of Allah and repent. Allah loves those who repent and insha Allah He will cleanse you of the habit of masturbation. Some scholars do allow masturbation if one fears falling into fornication. So only give in to it if necessary and don't indulge in it otherwise.

    Sister, I do believe you would really benefit from counselling. It will help you to deal with the events of your childhood and make sense of them. I think this is necessary before you consider getting married. If you do not deal with abuse from your childhood with a therapist these issues may come up later and make married life difficult and they may impact your relationship with your children. In order to be the very best wife and mother you can be, please seek counselling.

    I wish you all the best. May Allah swt protect you and keep you strong.

  5. Feel for you, my heart goes out to you dear Haleema.
    Can I please just say you were raped and sexually abused cause you were a child. This is so wrong of your cousin and father they are pedophiles.

  6. "I've even done sex with my father so many times" - you have done this because you were addicted to sex or your father forced you to have with him? Or is it normal in your village? this is not clear.

    PLease Halima, make it clear

    and I suggest you that both you and your father need to see Psychiatrist right away. You are bearing something huge, it is even unbearable to read to the end.

    You have to pray as mus as you can. Make Dua too much.

    SubhanAllah, May Allah guide us to the Straight Path, Ameen

    La Hawla Wella Quwete Illa Billah

    • My father forced me to do it.

      • May almighty gift you more courage to face the world and for repentance you should follow the advice of Holly QUR'AN surah Noor surah mominoon and phsychosocial behavioral therapy rehabilitation admission and if u can then marry soon

  7. Dear All,

    I am being suspicious of this post.Some people may take advantage of being anonymous and create fake and fictitious story to hurt all readers who go through this website.

    1.HALIMA IF YOUR STORY IS REAL THEN YOU MUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ASKED IN ABOVE POST AND MAKE CLEAR ALL ANSWERS.
    2.IF SHE DOES NOT ANSWER ABOVE QUESTIONS THEN I THINK WE SHOULD CONSIDER IT FAKE POST.AND DON'T NEED TO WASTE ENERGY ON IT.
    3.IF SHE IS SERIOUS IN GETTING ADVICE,FIRST SHE SHOULD ANSWER ABOVE QUESTIONS BY POSTER " D"THEN FURTHER ADVICE SHOULD BE PROVIDED.

    MAY ALLAH KAREEM PROTECT EVERYONE FROM SATANIC TRAPS.

    • Everyone who posts on this website has the right to be believed. We should accept people's stories on here at face value because this is the way Muslims are expected to behave. There is no way to verify their accounts nor is there a need to. We should aim to sincerely advise people who have been brave enough to tell us about their difficulties on this forum.

      As for sister Halima's story, these things DO happen, as difficult as it may be to believe. Many children have been abused and continue to be abused. Child abuse can happen in all sorts of families from all sorts of backgrounds.
      Sad but true.

      The sister needs support and advice. I don't understand why people are asking her about aspects of her story which may make her feel uncomfortable to talk about. She does not need to be interrogated about her story so she feels she has to reveal more than she already has.

  8. Assalaamualaikum

    Sister, these are not things which should be happening - it is wrong for your cousin and your father (and anyone else who has done this to you) to behave in this way - it is sexual abuse.

    You need to get away from these people and rebuild your life and identity. Have you any female relatives you could trust to ask for help? Or a trusted teacher at school/college? If it is safe for you to do so, you should consider reporting them to the authorities, as if they have done this to you, they may go on to do it to other girls.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  9. There is a good chance this post is a fake and highly questionable. There are a number of comments that are inconsistent and sound almost unbelievable. There may be a possibility the person who wrote it in fact is a victim of sexual abuse, but there are many inconsistencies to the post.

    The first statement is that they are addicted to sex since they are age six. A child does not become addicted to sex.
    The statement that they had sex with their "cousin's brother". Why not state "my cousin"?
    A general statement that they have had sex many times with their father. No concern or worries regarding this?
    The writer expresses their concern that they want to get married but the father wants them to go to medical school.
    A girl having sex with family members over a 10 year period would have gotten probably gotten pregnant.
    A girl having sex with family members over a 10 year period would have told someone (a friend, family member, or teacher).

    This is the internet. Anyone can post a question at this site anonymously. As a result, anyone who reads the post can guarantee its truthfulness or validity. Those who accepted it for what it is have offered good advice. Those who do not have every right to. Because it is so inconsistent. A 16 year old young woman has some understanding of what rape and incest is, and knows that having sex with a family member is wrong. There are a preponderance of troubled souls who enjoy tantalizing horrible stories of indecent sexual behavior and there are many who who also hate Islam and enjoy spreading lies about Muslims. These people have no second thoughts about spending time creating horrible situations and then pointing out what horrible people Muslims are.

    I am asking the Moderators or Administrators of this site to follow up on this particular post because if it is true, a serious crime has been committed. If it is not, a very evil person should be investigated and banned from this site.

    • Umm Hussain, "cousin brother" is a common expression in the subcontinent. It means first cousin. Addiction to anything is as much psychological as physical. Or the author may simply mean she became accustomed to it. And victims of childhood sexual molestation, even the cases that go on for years, almost never tell anyone. The molester tells them that if they do, they will go to jail, they'll be taken away from their family, etc.

      It's possible that the post is fake. I cannot say for certain. But I suspect it is real. You're right that it should be followed up. May I ask, what would you say to the sister if you were to contact her?

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Agreed

  10. I am sorry. I didn't reply since. My father used to tell me before having this dirty thing with me, "If I ever tell my Mum or anyone, he will kill me with his own very hands". I used to be scared of him whenever I see him. After the death of my mother, he didn't even fear that God may take him also. He didn't stop this. Until when I started going to a boarding school, I became free from his torment. Now what I am afraid of is that I don't look like a virgin. What am I going to tell my Husband if I get married. Should I tell him that I was disvirgined since at the age of 6 or what?

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