Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Advice on Divorce?

wedding rings divorce

Does anyone have any advice about divorce and how to handle it? I loved my husband and trusted him with everything. I planned my whole life with him and this is the only relationship I have ever been in. I barely talked to boys in my school years and I got married when I turned 18 years old. I am scared to be alone. I am scared that I wont find anyone in my life if I leave this relationship, but he has no love for me - it is obvious and it broke our relationship. I developed depression and anxiety due to this relationship. I know depression wont help the after affects of divorce. I know I am going to feel like I ended up doing something bad. I love him too much. I dont know how I will cope with it. Any advice?

Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

12 Responses »

  1. Salaam my beautiful sister,

    This is a really tough stage in life, I can't imagine to understand what you are going through.
    I just wanted to say that from experience it gets better, although depression might be something that's a companion, Allah eases every pain if you remain by His side.

    Do not leave prayer, and remind yourself that only Allah can heal your pain!
    Make dua that Allah The Most High expands your chest and makes it easy for you to move on.

    Focus on a project; whether that's work wise or for personal growth.

    Go travelling if you can, join a course or start a business.
    Also if these things are not possible, then start studying (self study) make a syllabus, buy a book and start learning about what's around you, about Allah's beautiful creation!

    May Allah make it easy for you and all those brothers and sisters out there! Be strong my sister remember that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) went through years of pain just so we, his ummah could learn through his trials.

    I know it sounds all a bit far from reality, but the best way to move past something is to look forward and not
    behind. In order to look forward you must busy yourself with something.

  2. Salaam Alaikum sister
    I can not speak of this matter in regard to the Quran, for I am still new to Islam and have much to learn. I can speak about after my parent's divorce. My father was not a good husband to my mother by any means but would not divorce her. In our culture a woman can only divorce a man if she has her families support. So she turned to her brothers for help. After my mother left him she became even closer to God and happier. She no longer cried. And my sister and I were much happier and healthier too.
    From what I know of God/Allah ( Devla in our language) he knows what is in your heart and does not wish for us to suffer. A marriage is to be productive and HEALTHY. Do what you must to be happy and Allah is most forgiving and merciful.
    Good luck to you sister.

  3. As Salaam Alaikum,

    Just remember that you did your best, and it is the Qadr of Allah. You mention that you love him, and may Allah reward you for the love you have/had for your spouse. Remind yourself that your love for your spouse was primarily to please Allah, so even if the person did not see that love, Allah is all seeing and all hearing, and Allah is the only one who can reward you accordingly.

    Now coming to the aspect of divorce, I haven't even been married so I cannot give you any advice from personal experiences but In'Shaa Allah will convey from my observations of people around me. Yes, it would hurt you, yes you might go through some times where you would reminisce certain times/scenarios. However, remember your primary purpose in life is to please Allah, you have to rise up after every setback, you did not do anything wrong before marriage and Alhamdulillah for that. Similarly, thank Allah that you are not staying in an unhappy marriage, remember that no matter what may, you will never leave Allah and his commands. Remind yourself of the bounties of Allah, thank Allah that you are not struggling in Syria, or Burma, or Palestine or many such places around the world. Remind yourself, and thank Allah that you are still a Muslim, while there are many who die on shirk and kufr. As Allah mentions that we have to be grateful to Allah, and Allah will increase the bounties for you. At the end of it all, " Fa inna ma'al usri yusra; Inna ma'al 'usri yusra".... you surely have a better marriage coming forward once you are over this in shaa allah.

    So take your time, reset yourself, become happy again, and then In'Shaa Allah you will soon be married to a righteous and pious husband who will lead you to jannah, and elevate your rank in jannah.

    I make a supplication that Allah grant you a righteous spouse, who would lead you to jannah, and raise your rank in jannah. Also, may Allah give you tranquility in your heart, make it easy for you to overcome any divorce from this marriage if it is the will of Allah. At the same time, may Allah also open the heart of your current husband, may Allah guide him to Islam, even if this marriage culminates in a divorce, may Allah make him a righteous husband for whoever he might end up marrying, and make him a humble Abd of Allah.

    My sister in Islam, remember Allah is with you, so just ask of Allah, and he is the only one who provides, whether it be tranquility, guidance, sukoon, husband or anything else.

    Wa As Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

  4. Salaam my heart goes out to u sis i was like this a few months ago. But divorce is meant for those when youre transgressing eachothers rights and no longer able to stay within the limits of Allah with regards to yourselves and eachother. If you fear what youd do trust me dont let shaitaan make you do anything youd regret pray lots of istikhara istikhara will guide you. There are others out there. try mediation first, eg with your elders and his and see if this works first. If hes abusive orcompletely doesnt want to do this either then take steps to see what you want for your future. It was very hard but no matter what the future holds being alone and in peace for me is still better than being in sadness and constant fighting. Allah knows best I pray He aids you.

  5. the world is a big place. This is part of life or reality. Everybody is tested with wealth poverty sickness death accidents blindness deafness handicap......etc.. so you were saying. Lifes short make first a courier be somebody that will be a benefit and help humanity. eg we dont have muslim women doctors to deliver babies? I mention this because if you dont get a degree then you cant travel help charity or poor people in general and God loves these good things .. unfortinately the relationship is sour soo move on just think there are millions like you ..some become mentally effected because they let eat there heads and others look to the horizan and smile...Sister if you do these simple actions and bring it in your life.Allah will help you and make you successfull in both of the worlds!!Peacefullness prosperity security...1 pray 5× a day to not miss and pray on time 2 give charity regularly fast once month read quran morning and evening consistly! 3 find groups of women at mosques that are involved with community..and dawah work. Nobody is perfect so dont be hard on yourself. depression will keep you unstable and you might destroy urself sooo move on and turn to Allah. This is the key to success. most people of this ummah dont understand this . By the way you got married to young .You believed that love at first sight thats the American way .disney story!. Remeber this the world is full of lies and deciet so hold on to your deen.

  6. OP: I am scared that I wont find anyone in my life if I leave this relationship, but he has no love for me - it is obvious and it broke our relationship. I developed depression and anxiety due to this relationship.

    What makes you feel your husband loves you? You have not mentioned what is going on between you two.

  7. Salaam,
    This is very sad indeed. I'm almost in the very same situation as you. My husband claims he loves me but I know he doesn't. He cheats on me all the time and even now he's with a non Muslim American teenage girl who is 21 years younger than him. I feel so helpless thinking I have no life if I end this, like you.. I love my husband dearly.. And we have two kids together.. That makes the situation even more complicated.. I've come to the pint where I can't take it anymore. Deep inside I know that getting a divorce is the only way that I can get peace in life.. So I'd say you get a divorce and turn to Allah (swt) more than now..

  8. I am a president of All India Muslim Women personal law Board.
    I do couselling for such cases free of cost.

    You can get back to me


    • If you are the president of the All India Muslim Women Personal Law Board, then why didn't you know the website address? You wrote, when the correct address is

      Also, the telephone number you provided does not match the one on the website. Lastly, you mis-spelled counseling.

      Now that I have provided the website address people can go there, rather than calling the number you provided, which may or may not be authentic.

      Wael Editor

  9. fairuxa8519: now he's with a non Muslim American teenage girl who is 21 years younger than him.

    Your husband may end up in jail if he has sex with a teenager who is below age of consent according to local laws.

  10. Assalamo Alaykom

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation sister. I've been in a similar situation (a painful breakup) a couple of months ago. But all i can say is that, although the pain was so great, yet, the blessing was even greater. After I fought so much, I gave it all up to Allah to take care of my matter and He did Alhamdolillah. Now I look back and I gratefully smile and I thank Allah, as I can clearly see how bad the life I was putting myself through while Allah wanted something different for my good. Put your trust in Allah's care, and know that if you stay patient and faithful, you will be happier after ending the current relationship you are in. I know now it seems all blurry and too painful and damaged to be healed, however if you manage these hard times with the help of patience and prayer, the hardship and pain of today will turn into a good seed for your future and Iman and peace of soul.

  11. Salam sister,
    Keep praying and ask help from Allah. Allah helps everyone in every situation so, read Qur'an Pak, offer your prayers in time and have faith. After every dark night there is a splendid day awaiting. Be optimist !

Leave a Response