Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Advice Please

Pregnant woman depressed

I have been having a relationship with a married Muslim man whose wife lives in their home country. They have no children & have not consummated their marriage.

I am separated but not yet divorced & have 2 teenage children - I am not Muslim.

Initially, I was not aware of a wife, and was in love with him by the time he explained that there couldn't be a future for us, as he loves her.  He wanted us to continue as friends, but to still sleep with each other.  Shamefully I agreed as I truly loved him, although I had started to create a distance so that I could bring it to an end less painfully.  I am now 6/8 weeks pregnant & he is not yet aware.

He does love me, but as a friend - he has been clear previously that there is no future for us.  He is not in love with me -  I think he will be very angry about the pregnancy & want me to abort.  Whilst I will consider his wishes, I do not agree with (in this instance) or want to have an abortion.

I have read about the 120 day timescales of the soul entering the foetus & the acceptable reasons for abortion (which I agree with but are not valid in this case).  I would also like to have this baby - at 43 this is likely to be my last opportunity to conceive & I have much love with which to raise another child.

I suppose I am proposing to have & raise my child as a single parent  - this would not be my preference, but I can't imagine he will want to marry &/or be a father.

I can can cope with this in the UK, but am concerned about how he will be treated by the community in his home country & fellow Muslims both here & there.

I also am not clear on the protocol for my child? I would intend to raise them to speak both languages, to respect both but chose their own religion, & I assume they would take my name.

I would welcome any guidance you can offer

shukran lak



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6 Responses »

  1. Hi
    First of all looking from a Islamic perspective he wasn't even allowed to put his hands on a women out of wedlock there is no problem for a Muslim man to marry a woman from other scriptures but that's a great sin what he did to you he doesn't seem the religious type, also both have to repent. Now during the whole pregnancy you should not see him at all once the baby has been born only then can you both repent and get married immediately if he doesn't then he is a low form of human.
    Honestly I feel sorry for you because you aren't aware how it works based on Islam because (zina) illicit sexual contact is soo common in western countries that everyone seems to think it's normal but In fact is forbidden in the three main religions Jewish Christianity and Islam
    God be with you

  2. I wish you best of luck!

    If you wish i could talk to the person, who has done this to you. And make him aware of what hes going to do is wrong, or yoi could gove me your number and we will do something inshaAllah,

    • Abdul, it's inappropriate to ask the sister for her number. You do not know her, and she does not know you. What reason is there for you to involve yourself personally in this matter? If she needs a go-between to talk to him, she can talk to the local Imam or someone else of authority. Not some stranger from the internet.

      Wael Editor

  3. Oh boy...this is bad on his behalf...As Muslim this man is not honest .He is a liar cloaked in some prince charming...Do not fear him .a tell him straight up ..about everything because you are the person who has to live your life....For the child take care of it and love it.Regardless if he's there for him or not.He will still have to pay child support and make sure you do everything legal..Because ..This man if he is not true 2 you it will show...and sex is not everything.


  4. Sister, greetings of Islam!

    First I don't think you need to be advised on impact of the sin you committed since you aren't a Muslim. But let me remind you sister that the guy isn't trustworthy when he shared bed with a strange women while having had a legal choice of wife. In Islam, its great sin to do zina as a married. Hence I don't suggest you marrying him just by referring his past.

    And with regard to abortion, again since you're not Muslim it's your call as a mother, but I don't suggest to do so. And the rulings would be, "anyone being born to Muslim parents (anyone as Muslim) is a Muslim kid. Hence all the shariya of Muslims does applies to him. No doing so will be a fault from your end.

    There are many such shariya applies to the kid throughout life, hence I suggest you withstanding the fact that you are the mother of that child to give him back the kid. Otherwise I'm pretty sure as a non Muslim you won't be able fulfill shariya.

    Finally I wish to conclude, please read the Quran and its translation. Secondly read the story of prophet Muhammad (s.a). I don't think there can't be anything better can happen for if Allah could faves you among those who understood the truth from Quran. Also as mentioned post Islam it will be easy for you to handle entire thing. BUT NEVER REVRT TO ISLAM FOR THIS SAKE, READ AND UNDERSTAND AND THEM OUT OF FREE WILL WITHOUT ANY FORCE IF YOU COULD ACCEPT ISLAM THATS THE BEST THING I REFFRED.

    Sister feel free to revrt back for any further information.

  5. Allah said "Perhaps you may dislike something which is good for you & ike something which is bad for you. Allah knows & you do not" Quran

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