Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m afraid of getting married

Fear

I'm a 23 year old girl. I'm muslim, and I'm from pakistan. I have a bad habit of masturbation which damaged my labia minora and ruptured my hymen. Now I'm going to marry and I'm worried about that problem and what my husband will think about that.

I belong to a very religious family, and my overall reputation is of an angel-like girl. I have had no affairs or sexual relations with any boy. What should I do now? Is it ok to be married, or will my husband get a wrong impression of me? Please answer me, I'm so worried.

-goldeneyes

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20 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    If your husband is a chaste man, then he won't know any different by looking at your genitals. He would have nothing to compare you to in order to determine that you've done something sexual by masturbating. So yes, I would advise you to go ahead and get married, and don't worry about it so much. If you haven't fornicated or had any sexual activity with another man, you can feel at ease because masturbation is something many people struggle with and most people who enter marriage have at least tried it.

    However, normal masturbation techniques (for a female) will not damage the labia (minora or majora). It could potentially rupture your hymen if you are inserting your fingers or something inside you, but I'm not sure why there would be damage to your labia. Women give birth to babies of all sizes, and even this doesn't usually damage the labia, so I can't imagine what you might be referring to.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • first of all thanks to all who reply me and advice me. and Amy i m going to marry in a Pthan family i never ever talked to my fiance and i have'nt any idea about his nature. and the think is that i used to rub my labia minora so hard. it's so embarrassing to discuss like it but i m just trying to explain my problem i have masturbated for almost 7 years its enough time to harm your self and i have done this 🙁 now my labia minora is not the same size and color as it was before and it become so saggy. and i dont know how i broke my hymen because i never insert any thing in my vagina not even a finger but still one day while masturbation i literally feel that something has broken inside of my vagina and i bleed a lot but the same time i did'nt feel any pain at all. but i had been bleeding for 2 days. its is so shameful and embarrassing to discuss it in such detail.............. and i request to all other girls who are reading this please dont do ever such shameful and sinful thinks which could put your self in such a depressive situation from which i m now.

      • how about your situation after marriage?

      • Lips changing color has nothing to do with masturbation. Lips change size and color as women get older. It has NOTHING to do with masturbating. So if your lips have changed in any way it is because your body is changing with your age 🙂

    • and i have discussed it with my mother and requested her to let me go for a gynecologists advice bu t she is not willing and does not give importance to this matter what could i do now ?

  2. Hello,

    Its an open advice please do't share your girlish habit of masturbation or about labia minora and ruptured my hymen, I know you did mistake and Allah only seeks pardon from his mankind, so pardon him (Allah) ask for forgiveness and take the step toward marriage, don't even share with your future husband until you sees he has full confidence and trust on you, I do understand boys and girls do these sort of mistakes and every second person who has knowledge, above all our media encourages us to drag toward this sins, so trust on Allah and keep on asking him pardon.

    Regards
    Sayeed

  3. Assalamolaimu Golden Eyes,

    Please don't think much about it and get married .I don't think it is going to create any issue .

    Rather than thinking about your Genitals please think more about future husband and know more details about him and decide if he is the right man for you .

    Please note that after marriage it is you who needs to be happy and not your parents ,sisters or brothers or any one else ..So don't bother about "Angel kind of Girl" image ...People makes e a mistake by marrying some one to please their parents ,relatives etc etc ...Please don't fall in to that category ...

    Allah hafiz

  4. I don't think your husband will be able to tell the difference unless you had intercourse or inserted artifical P. If is seems like a matter of life and death, you can get some plastic surgery done and make things look the way you want too.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Firstly, having masturbated in the past is not a reason why you shouldn't get married, and is a private matter - you do not need to go into detail about it with your husband.

    A woman's hymen can be broken through a number of things, not just sex or masturbation. Some women who have been physically active (eg. horse-riding, running, playing sports) may find that their hymen has broken as a consequence of this - this does not mean there is something wrong or sinful with them, and does not mean they are not virgins. Some women may need to have their hymen broken for medical reasons, which again does not mean they are not virgins.

    I'm a bit confused about what you mean by damage to your labia - if you have been causing damage to yourself down there, it would be worth speaking with a (female!) doctor about this, as she may be able to make sure you have not caused permanent damage and help you find support to avoid further harming yourself. If you are instead concerned about the shape/colour/etc of your private parts and have not harmed yourself, then try to be reassured that men and women are made in many shapes and sizes - we are all different, and as Allah willed us to be. Again, if you are still concerned, you could ask your doctor to arrange a check-up for you, so that she can reassure you.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. Read carefully,
    Girl please consult your female doctor. No male doctors strictly. Your either thinking too much or you did have a damage. Consult your female doctor before marriage.

    And Yes you can go for the marriage there is no issues in that.

    Allaah Knows the Best!

  7. Sister, ask Allah Aza Wa Jal to cure you from this sickness and ask Allah Aza Wa Jal to cover your mistake and your sin and honour you as a bride to be infront of your husband and infront of your in laws
    May Allah Aza. wa Jal bless your marriage.

  8. Dear Goldeneyes ,

    Please try not to worry about this situation, masturbation is something most people do to handle their sexual urges, my opinion is that your need to stop this addiction right now because its clearly giving you health problems. Im also Pakistani and i understand how your worried about your reputation and what your mother thinks but honestly, don't worry about what other people think. Maintaining this 'angel' like character is only to appease your family members, not yourself, you need to start thinking independently. If you feel that something is changed or different with your genitals i think you should re-visit the doctors (female one) and inform your mother again even though she may not be interested. You really need to discuss this with her and just tell her that you need help. Shes is a mother and im sure that she'll try and help. However this shouldn't have anything to do with your future husband or what he thinks, its your body not his. Finally try and seek forgiveness from Allah on these issues and ask for guidance. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed because all women go through this period and exploring their sexual feelings.

  9. Assalam alaikum, i'm in the same confusion.i also had a bad habit of masturbating but when i came to know that it's a sin i repented Allah and decided for not doing it again.Now my deep obsession is whether i can marry and even i don't know my hymen broke or not but i can assure i never inserted anything inside my self. plz help me i m in deep depression.Or if i marry then is this necessary to tel this to my future husband about all this?

  10. Hi goldeneyes, iam 16 year old Pakistani girl, and I have understood what are u trying to say iam also in the same situation as you I have long labia minora lips because of rubbing my clitoras and like you I also don't insert anything inside of my vagina and I told my mother that I have long labia minora lips but I didn't tell her that its because of masturbation she also didn't say anything about my long lips but I have decided that I will go for a surgery called "Labiaplasty" in Karachi u can have a labia minora surgery in the cost of 40,000 I will also go for this surgery may be next year iam not going to marry now but iam trying to make myslef perfect for my marriage. I also don't know that I ruptured my hymen or not but I think i have not ruptured because I haven't inserted anything inside yet and I have not bleed yet. But if It will be possible for me than I will go to gynecologist to know that my hymen is ruptured or Not and I think you sholud do the same as I will do.

    • SubhanAllah, there is no need to have any surgery. The appearance of your labia has nothing to do with masturbation. It is perfectly normal. Do not waste your money on something that may harm you or affect your ability to experience sexual pleasure with your husband in the future.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sister your only 16, your body is still developing. Each woman is different, there is no such thing as labia minora growing as a result of masturbation! It's only a piece of skin, how will it grow because of masturbation. Please stop dwelling on it, and focus on something more productive and stop giving the devil the chance to mess with your head. I can't believe surgery like this is offered in a Muslim country, don't they fear God ! Not only this but just to have this completely pointless surgery you'll be spending so much money and exposing yourself to men, and also other women which is wrong, not to mention putting yourself through the risks associated with surgery. Also to make yourself 'perfect' for marriage where are you going to stop? Are you later going to go for breast enlargement, rhinoplasty, liposuction, facelift etc etc. People that carry out these endless procedures without a real medical reason are simply preying on other people's insecurities, their making money from it. There is no such thing as perfection, we are all different, we all have flaws. When you get married I doubt your husband will even notice the size. Focus on your relationship with Allah swt, stop researching about things like this, change your focus.

    • Aslamoalaikum can you plz tell me the cost or adress of doctor who is doing this Labiaplasty surgery? i m not married but I m afraid that after marriage does it hurt my chlid birth .... waiting for your reply

  11. Does the long labia lips affects intercourse and child birth?
    please tell me???

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