After five years he left me, I feel life is over
Boys who betray the girls in the name of love
Salaam, i am Shi'ah and believe in God, I was in a relationship with a Sunni man for almost 5 years , everything was good but his family did not want me because I was not sunni so I decided to become one because I loved him alot.
but all of a sudden out of nowhere he left me saying his family want him to marry the girl they want.
I struggle alot and because I could not live without him I went to his family to talk to him and let them know what all he promised me and now he cant just leave me, I think they knew that I was pregnant from him too, but they did not listen, they treated me very bad and I was hurt that he did not support me in this too and then without me knowing he got engaged and left to another country.
now im left with no profe I cant marry anybody else because im not virgin and more over the pain of abortion now I cry day and night begging him to be with me but he doesn't return my calls. I feel life is over and i've no choice, I love him and cant let anybody else touch me I mean marry anybody.
I dont know what logic from islam I can use to tell him so that he will know what he did was wrong and he cant leave me like this. please help me I just cant move on, we have been talking about marriage since the beginning and I use to send him wedding gown pictures to decide for our wedding now I cant see him with anybody else without any mistake I do, he just left me as if there was nothing between us.
i've tried everything to move on but he was not just a boyfriend but my husband maybe not on papers but I did everything I could for him and his family to accept me, now I want to get him back. God is watching that I never had a bad thoughts in mind, why cant I be happy and have him? he says he doesnt love her and because his family forced he gave up, he cant go against them but what about me, im dying every second here and he doesnt ever bother.
please tell me is there any law that I can tell him in islam and God to make him understand that he cant just leave a girl who by thinking we will get married let him do whatever he wanted? My parents dont know and I cant marry anybody because of what we did in the near past. He never spoke about being separated so im still in shock!
I thought alot to kill myself I know its a sin and ill go to hell but this guilt is killing me more. I do ask for forgiveness alot but I just cant take this anymore, I feel dead and fooled, he cheated on me and fooled me!
- sarah31
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Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu,
Sister, you are really going through a lot of pain in your life right now.
What your bf and his family are doing is very wrong. It’s a big sin. They are acting very selfishly. Trust family would be in real pain after hearing this but after all said and done you are part of them so will help you and support you in this tuff time. So I suggest telling this. Not hiding from them.
This is the reason why ISLAM prohibits having affairs but finally at the end its the girl who suffers in most of the cases.
Regarding any Islam law, firstly you both have committed a MAJOR SIN by having physical relationships. And after knowing that you are pregnant with his child if he still doesn't want to marry you then I am really sorry to say that he was just interested in having physical relations with you. He was never really interested in marrying you.
IF A GUY REALLY LOVES A GIRL THEN HE WILL GO AGAINST HIS WHOLE FAMILY TO MARRY HER. NO ONE CAN FORCE HIM TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE. Remember this always.
He and his family members are being very cruel towards you.
IF HE REALLY LOVED YOU THEN HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BEAR A SINGLE PAIN WHICH YOU SUFFERED.
And what happened to you happens with many innocent girls its nothing new...
IF HIS NOT INTERESTED IN MARRYING YOU THEN NO MATTER WHAT ISLAMIC LAW YOU TELL HIM HE WILL NEVER MANY YOU.
And regarding you not being virgin anymore Really doesn't marry to someone who loves you or falls in love with you. He will still marry you. So don't worry about that part.
YOU DESERVE A BETTER GUY AND IN SHA ALLAH YOU CAN FIND ONE. YOU DON'T DESERVE WHAT THAT GUY HAS DONE TO YOU.
ALSO HIS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU ANYMORE AND YOU CANT FORCE HIM TO MARRY YOU. AND YOU HAVE TO DIGEST THIS PAINFUL TRUTH.
May be from the beginning he was really never interested in marrying you because NO PERSON changes so quickly after falling in love with someone.
Every one commits sins but the best person is the one who repents after committing a sin and tries his best not to repeat it.
I would suggest that instead of begging him, Beg in front of Allah. Go in Sujood, pour your heart out, Cry to Allah. Ask for forgiveness of your sin (having physical relation) and ask for his help. Indeed Allah is the best helper any person can ever get. Make lots of lots of Du'a and
I PROMISE YOU ALLAH WILL HELP YOU, In sha Allah.
YOU DON'T NEED TO BEG TO HIM ANY MORE...
Just ask help directly from Allah alone.
Suicide is huge sin. The way a person kills himself in this world, the same way he would be killing himself again and again forever in HELL.
Submit your will completely to Allah. You will find peace and happiness not only in this world but in afterlife also.
Please sister Pray to Allah i really want to see you good condition. I really want to see you out of this condition. Pray as much as you can. Your story is really painful.
Also have full trust in Allah that Allah will help you.
I pray to Allah that you can come out of this mess and have a good life ahead.
May Allahs Peace and blessing be upon you.
My dear sister i am going through a similar pain its so painful excpet that he did not had sex with me, he was married but acted as single and i dint know abt it he was so evil that i get scared even from the htought of it 🙁 i also dont know when he had a perfect family why did he betrayed me....nowadays i am looking for help From Allah and recite different duwas when i feel fear when i think of it...my whole body starts shattering he is so evil..
.i dont know if Allah let go off these guys like this becuase we gurls are also stupid inncent and fell for the trap!
and they are living happily ....but its only Allah who can help thats what clearly know but still heart cries out!
Dear sister Neehal,
I wouldn't say that we girls are stupid, rather I would say that Allah created us differently then men. So all the Islamic rules that say we need a mahram to protect us, just makes sense, because our thinking process differs from males.
Unfortunately, when a sister is put in a situation without a mahram or puts herself in that situation, some males take advantage of her. They know how to "play" a girl and make a mockery of her nature thereby making a mockery of how Allah created her.
May Allah give us all guidance. Ameen.
Sister Sarah, a few words. No person is above Allah. This trial you are facing is forcing you to see it, but you are turning your eyes away from the truth. You CAN live without him. You CAN move on without him. You CAN start your life without him NOW because remember sister, it is Allah that made you. It is Allah that gave you all that you have to live. It is Allah that gave you air to breathe and a healthy body. Allah gave us all those things and He alone can take it away. Stop treating this silly boyfriend more than he is. You have given him more importance than he deserves and only your husband deserves importance and he was never that.
Ask Allah to forgive you for this haram relationship and for aborting the innocent life. Remember Allah constantly as shaitaan will constantly remind you of your pain and he will laugh at you. Remember Allah because only Allah's promises are truthful above anybody's. I pray that you come out of this, realize your mistakes, and have self-respect rather than praising this boy for nothing. You deserve better.
Dear Saba sister ,
I agree stupid was not the approriate word.I guess i said that becuase after the shock i felt stupid, abondoned and betrayed.before this i would have never understanf if somebody has described such feeling but now i know its very painful! i feel my mind has stop working while sleeping i woke up at 3am and my heart beats so fastly with the thought of it and it comes unconsiously!
Slms my name is feroza this has also happened to me only thing was not pregnant. Its been a month now that I haven't spokened to him after having a realtionship for almost 2years I was so naïve until now ALLAH has opened my eyes. I am so sad that he his going to marry another girl yet he spend most of his life woth me. Be strong after all we women are stronger we get baaliq we produce babies lose blood, yet somehow still survive most of all we are very understanding, so just turn to ALLAH and be guided. I cry a lot, even as I am writting this! I also won't be able to forget him after all he his indeed my first love, but ALLAH knows best and I am sure that for all our pain that is in our hearts which was wrongly done to us ALLAH will ease it and has a plan to sort out the sinners!!! AMEEN
hey look what did i just read on an islamic scholars page!
I received this message from a sister who battled depression, and I thought it is a must to share. Believe me my brothers and sisters, if we keep our trust in Allah, He will not fail to help us!
----
"I often used to consult religious people about my state of mind, and they would tell me to increase my dhikr or remembrance of Allah. This would frustrate me as I thought they really didn't understand what I was going through! But when my condition became really unbearable, as a last resort, I put all my hopes in my voice and starting reciting:
لا إلهَ إلاّ اللّهُ وحْـدَهُ لا شَـريكَ لهُ، لهُ المُـلْكُ ولهُ الحَمْـد، وهُوَ على كُلّ شَيءٍ قَدير .
'laa ilaaha illa Allahu, wahdahu laa sharika lahu, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, wa huwa ala kulli shayyin Qadeer'
(None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, alone, without partner, to Him belongs all sovereignty and praise and He is over all things omnipotent)
Whispers came to my me that this is useless, my mind laughed at me, and my heart was still dull and sad; but I did not care and kept repeating it with desperation until tears starting pouring out of my eyes. I cried like a small, lost child, but I kept repeating the words - maybe tens, hundreds of times. By Allah, only after half an hour, I felt as if someone had touched my heart and removed a stone from it. For the first time ever, I felt somewhat light, I felt my breathing and my body was lighter. Subhan Allah! I could not believe it! I made it a daily, nay, an hourly remedy. It still took me 2 years to be fully cured by the Help of Allah. But I swear I feel like I haven't felt in ages! It was not those people who were trying to fool me, it was me not giving the Words of Allah a chance!"
Asalaamualaykum,
Betrayal or a break up of any relationship is always difficult and can tear a person's heart. But there is something much deeper at stake than your relationship with this man. That is your relationship with Allah. If this man has betrayed you; he will be held accountable for his actions, but you have also betrayed - by breaking Allah's laws. The truth is very painful, but there is no escaping it.
There is no easy way for you pain to heal. It will take time. As a Muslim sister to another, the best I can say to you is to do tawbah/repent for your sins and seek comfort and guidance through Allah.
In'sha'Allah you will heal and Allah will replace your loss with something much better - with deen and with a real husband when you are ready.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
dear sis asalm, may allah help both of us other same girls.. i hav d same story..after using me for past two years he jst went out by saying that show me whether i hav written dat i will marry u..for dat bastard i fought wit my dying father..and after my fathers death he jst left me bcoz now he thought dat my family wont b able to giv him a big dowry..he was a proudy person nad was an M. tech so he start thinking he can get better den me bcoz in india educated boys are few... i swear on d very first day wen he proposed me i made it clear dat i blv in marriage not in any relationship out of marriage..though im also a phd scholar but now i m nothng for him..i talked to his elder brother by he said see we r very modest people, my brother cnt do that...now i hav no proof jst a broken heart..i live in hostel, every day i take sleeping pills for sleep..he not only kill my trust bt broke my heart too n pricked my soul..every moment i cry bt cnt attempt suicide coz i m d only one after my father to look after my family...may allah cursed these guys and send them to hell becoz they are not repentent..i had to abort my first child only i know how panic it was... for first child how people make duas and celebrate bt ..dat basterd shattered my dream ....i m very upset every moment make dua dat allah plz forgiv i was 100% loyal to him..i was with hm because of a promise...
sister console urself ask allh to forgive u..inshallah we will get gud and god fearing guys soon
khuda hafiz
Slms what a nice dua of curse lol love it those sinners deserve this, as for the good guys may ALLAH keep them good always and should pass on their good beliefs to the bad guys INSHALLAH AMEEN
Assalamualaikum sisters.. i feel the same unfortunately 🙁 And at the moment everything is so raw and unbearable because it has been a couple of days since he has gotten married. After 4 years of having the hopes of marriage, plans, and we shared a very very deep connection that i feel i can't share with anyone, ever. At the moment i dont feel anything, i feel dull, like i can't enjoy life. And when i can feel i feel sadness and pain the point that i feel like i need to take something to numb the pain or i'd die. All these feelings are making me feel horrible about myself and my imaan. It doesn't help that i'm neglecting my imaan too.. i feel so much despair 🙁 The thing is, my first cousin that i loved very deeply married a very pious girl who had dreams about him from Allah. Once the family knew about the dreams they saw it as a sign from Allah. And he went to see her and then a month later got married. Whether it's right to feel this way or not, i feel like it was so unfair on me. I waited 4 years for marriage, while they did things so proper and right with this other girl. I feel used, by the guy who emotionally used me for years, and his family who came to me with problems of his (he has had a past of severe depression and other mental illnesses). And i feel like Allah took away my best friend, and Allah gave him to another girl. And i made so much dua for him for years. I feel like Allah punished me. If he wasn't good, why did Allah give her to another girl? Why did i not get dreams... i know i sound like a little child, questioning all this. I feel like i should be happy with Allah's plan.. but its so hard not having these questions pop up in my head every second of the day.. and that makes it so much harder. I worked so hard with him on his depression, and when the time came.. and he was much more healed Alhamdulillah, Allah gave him to another girl. I feel so worthless in life, i feel like Allah doesn't love me, that i'm not worth anything to anyone or anybody.
As-salamu alaykum sister Sarah,
You are asking now about the laws of Islam and God so that you can convince your boyfriend to stay with you? That is making a mockery of the deen.
Were you concerned about the laws of Allah and Islam when you had a boyfriend for five years, committing zinaa with him, then having an abortion, both of which are major sins?
You say he was like your husband but not on paper. You are fooling yourself. He was NOT your husband, he was your boyfriend. If you wanted him to be your husband you should have married him. Instead of talking about marriage from the beginning you should have gotten married.
Now he is moving on with his life and marrying someone. Of course he does not return your phone calls. It's time to leave the man alone and move on with your life.
Instead of worrying about getting your boyfriend back, concern yourself with making sincere tawbah to Allah for the sins you committed. Of course he committed the same sins, but that's his problem. You should worry about yourself.
Do not think of killing yourself. You made mistakes. Learn from them and change your life. Become a better Muslim, and come closer to Allah. The pain of the breakup will ease in time. Be patient and just get through each day one at a time.
Do not get into a relationship like this with any other man. When time has passed and your heart has healed, seek a proper marriage with a good man, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Slms I hear what u say about her not being married to him with papers but giving someone yourself is already proof enough and the fact that our dear sister did she has rights on him, although both were equally involved does not give the rights entirely to the man! What he did was unacceptable and will not even be acceptable at all even in JANNAT! Hoe dare a man sleeps with a girl whom purely gave herself to him out of love for the sake of ALLAH be it marriage written or relationship with just spending the life with someone yet still goes and marry someone else as if he is a virgin. Sorry but fro us women our DUAS of pain that we feel, these sinners must pay!!!
Proof enough of what, sister? We are Muslims. When we want to be with someone we get married. This is Allah's law. We do not have affairs, or boyfriends/girlfriends. One type of relationship is valid, lawful and good, and the other type is illegal and sinful. Don't try to equate the two.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walikum assalam sister in Islam
Well, whatever he did was 100% wrong!
May ALLAH pak bless you here & hereafter
There is a reason why Islam says to not have relations with people of opposite gender outside of marriage.
There is a reason why there is a wali in islam.
There is a way to have halal relations.
When we violate the laws of Allah, we get bitten.
I don't know what else to say. What his family or he did was wrong. But before their wrongs, the wrongs you both were committing were very huge.
I think it is time to move past the sins, and make tawbah and continue making tawbah for the rest of your life and start fresh. There is no use crying over a man who has determined to move on.
Insha'llah in the future, do not get involved with any man without knowledge of your parents. Do not be alone with any man without knowledge of your parents. And get married and avoid having any haram relationships.
Sister Zahra.... your comment has no logic.