Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What is an acceptable age difference between bride and grooms?

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

What is an acceptable age difference between bride and groom?

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34 Responses »

  1. any, as long as its morally right.

  2. Do you think age 17 and 28 is fine?

  3. @sad girl
    I think the most important thing is love, and responsibility, and that is for the 17yr old, if the 17yr old feels that they are ready and can handle the responsibility of being a spouse and all that comes with it then it is fine, however if the 17yr old has not fully anticipated this i would suggest thinking over, so yes its fine, but only if both are sure they can face and handle the responsibilities and conditions of marriage.

    Hope that helps.

  4. Age is not a criteria in islamic marriage,, prophet muhammad pbuh marriage to his first wife khadija is a good example. She was 15 years older than him.. He married her when he was at the age of 25 and she was 40... And to every muslim, muhammad pbuh life is the best examplary life to copy,,. He also married women that a younger than him

  5. Difficult one.

    Although Islamically there is no set age limit, and we cannot say it's forbidden for a couple of certain age gap to marry there are some important factors to consider.
    What is acceptable in society is one factor, so of course only marry above a certain age - don't marry a minor! Be aware that large age differences can cause problems. People are at different stages of their lives at different ages. A 20 year old thinks very differently and wants different things to a 30 year old.

    Many couples who marry and have very large age differences often do not work out because they are simply too different. So bear that in mind. Also personally I think age differences matter less as you get older. So I think a 17 and 27 year old would have more trouble then a 37 and 47 year old in general. That's my opinion though. I believe this because when you get older you become more set in your ways and more settled in general. The impulsiveness of youth fades.

    Personally I would definetly not want to marry someone more than 10 year older than me and believe that is the maximum for me. Ideally in my opinion 3-5 years difference but again that's opinion.

    Sara Editor

    • I agree with you Because there has already started to be problems with me and my fiancé because of this age difference. I want to continue my studies and do something In life but he wants me to stay home and not work and have kids now but I want to have kids later... What should I do?

    • Should I talk to my dad?

      • Asslamu Alaikum my dear sister,

        I was in the same situation. My fiance said the exact same thing, though i was 17 and he was about 24. He didnt want me to go to uni, be a housewife..but it wasent a life i could live with. Temporarly, i would have been happy if i married him and in a long time relationship, i dont think i would have liked it and would have been very unhappy but i still agreed to him conditions as I loved him very much but in the end, he cancelled the marriage and at that time, i was devastated!! it broke my heart but sis, taking a step back and thinking about what happened. I think he understood very well that we were not suitable for eachother and when i was in my holiday 1 month ago, he got proposed to another girl, and mashallah, shes just like the girl he wanted and i'm really happy for him and inshallah, i hope the Allah(swt) will give me a better husband than him so Alhamtillah, im happy that it went well for both of us so i would definetely advice you to speak to your father and sort the problem out with your family. My cousins have no choice to marry early and have kids..they dont have a job,always, i've realised its not the life i want. Like you said, i want to do something with my life.

        Anyways, I dont know the exact details of your relationship but sis, dont rush into any judgments just yet, speak to your family with you hubby and come to a decision. Ask yourself is that wat you want?? will i be happy in the future? what impact does this have on others??
        I wish you the best of luck sis and i hope that everything works out for you with the help of Allah(swt)

        And dont forget to make dua to Allah(swt), he knows whats best of us, trust me, he honestly knows. Maybe, we wont understand it now, but as time goes, we will be happy about the things that happenend in our lives.

        • Thank you I think I might go with this but my parents might be upset.. Not only them, but my uncle and aunts and my whole family and people talk behind me. He's actuLly one of my uncles son, he's my cousin and won't it bad to break up because I have commited sin and kissed him and a few other things. He loves me very much and I like him but idk. What about the consequences with breaking up? And I cheated on him once after we argued about having kids now and stuff... Idk what to do... I feel like Im gonna end up cheating on him again. He's in another country and I'm in another country.

      • Salaam Sad Girl,

        Getting married and giving up your education and life are separate issues and conditions. If you feel that you are ready to be married - great, get married - and continue on with your life.

        If you feel that you are not happy to drop out of education and start a family and your husband wants this from you - then you must have a discussion about it and try to reach an agreement before you marry, as sacrifices of this nature can cause resentment and pain later on in life. You must be in acceptance of each other in order to have a healthy and happy marriage.

        Age 28 is a natural time to start thinking about settling down and starting a family, but at 17 you are but a teenager and have your whole life ahead of you and it is natural to want to get an education and a career.

        Overall, it sounds as though you have not discussed the future with your fiance enough and you have not reached an agreement as to what the next 5 years will hold.

        Therefore my advice to you is to negotiate and discuss, and if your fiance will not agree to your education - then you may have to wait until after you graduate to get married.

        Successful marriages are not based on age - but a mutual understanding, respect and appreciation of each other. You can be the same age as a person and not have these things, or you can be radically different ages and have these things: it all boils down to communicating effectively at the start and maintaining this communication throughout.

        So - start talking, discussing and coming to an agreement before you move forward into marriage.


        Editor, Islamic Answers

  6. in islam, an old man can marry a little girl, and an old woman can marry a young man.

    when the prophet[saww] was an OLD MAN, MOST of his wives were 30/40 years younger than him.
    saffiah [ra] was 17 and the prophet[saww] was was an old man.
    'Aaishah [ra] was 9 and the prophet[saww] was an old man.
    juwayriyyah [ra] was 20 years old, and he [saww] was an old man.
    Umm Salamah [ra] was in her 30s and the oldest, and the prophet[saww] was an old grey man.

    Most of the companions married teenage girls.

    there is no age gap which is too big.

  7. assalamoalaikum,
    i want to get merry with a girl who (Question deleted. Please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Thank you, Editor)

  8. plz plz help m 21 n my partner is 40 he is good for me ??

  9. I don't see the difference as said before, if one is ready than having at same age line is not of a big deal. BOth persons should be aware of rites and responsbility towards each other and would be financially sound to a certain extent. correct me if i am wrong

  10. Is a 17 year old and 30 year old ok?

  11. Please is there any problems for 21yrs old woman and 42yrs old man to get married. The girl has started feeling weird about the marriage though she already accepted the proposal. Is it valid for her to stop the wedding just for that reason

    • I don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe he feels she is not mature enough for him, or maybe he is worried that they don't share interests. They should communicate openly to see if they have a future together.

      Wael Editor

      • Please I mean the girl is confused if she would be doing the right thing by turning down the proposal she already accepted just because of the age gap even though the man is good caracter wise and is muslim

        • Salam Jamilatou,

          It is acceptable for her to turn down the proposal for any reason she would like. There is nothing forcing her into a marriage she doesn't feel good about. Also, just as she can divorce after getting married if she feels she cannot perform the duties of a wife she can also accept a proposal and realize she's in over her head and turn it down as well.

          For the groom it's better if she turns it down now rather than when they have kids or if she refrains from being a good wife later because she feels she married the wrong guy.

  12. do u like 15 and 23 or 15 or 21 which one is fine? plz tell me. because i m confuse.....
    about it...

  13. Marry 16 years older man my mind is not accepting plz guide me to go for it or not..

    • Salam,

      Then don't marry him, you don't have to. Accepting someone is something you should want to do, not fight against it and try to get someone to convince you to make a life long decision for something you don't want to do.

      • Everybody saying it will take time but u will get settled but mind is not even ready I mean I have talked with that person it's vast difference in mentality.. shall this thing will.over come by the time? Difference is straight 16 yrs.. he is 16 yrs elder than me..

        • Salam,

          So why is it coming to this? Why is this is only suitor your parents are accepting? Yes, when you're 70 and he's 86, you will be settled for sure and will have overcome the age difference. Between now and 70 you're going to have to take time to accept this and it may not be easy to accept. Marriage is not meant for you to go into with the idea that it looks like it will suck and later you will have to absorb the cost. Marriage is where you think you're making a good decision and you either like the person or you think you're getting what you're worth. If you don't feel like you like him nor do you feel like you're getting what you're worth then you just say no. After you say no a bunch of times and are still advertising to get married and still you don't get married then you adjust what you think you're worth in the market.

          Where you are right now, which is asking that you don't think this is a good idea but if you go with it, will it get better; the answer is that it will not get better. The first 2 years of marriage are the honeymoon period. After that you look back at that and feel good as marriage gets harder. If you have no honeymoon period and you marry this guy and get pregnant then you live with this guy with a whole lot of patience because now the cost of leaving is high. Why do this? Just say no now.

          • Lol, 70 and 86. Come on brother, it's not that big a difference. A 30 year old and a 46 year old might be perfectly compatible, depending on their interests, characters, etc.


          • Honeymoon period is two months now a days after that understanding compromise these things starts... U scared me... With ur suggestion I have been talking to tht person he is dealing me like a child.. as I am 30 n he is 47 whatever I say he thinks I am saying silly things.. how would I be able to transfer my thoughts I luv laughing n he is quite serious person. It's totally family's decision thats y everyone saying it LL take time. ( But if things will not go in a positive way what will I do ) I have so many concerns abt my future.. I never thought that my would be husband will be this much elder than me.. 🙁

          • Salam Wael,

            Just like being fat, bald, or not funny, the age difference is negative but depends on the person that has to put up with it. For some people it's a deal breaker, for others they don't really mind as long as they get the other things they want.

            For Sum, it seemed to be a problem. And I was just saying that the age difference doesn't go away for a while. But based on her recent post the age is less of an issue and the fact that he's too serious and dismissive is the bigger issue.

          • Salam Sum,

            If it's not really up to you who you're going to marry then I wouldn't worry about it. But if you have a say, and I think one always has a say, it doesn't seem like this is a good match. You're 30 so it's harder to get married at that age. If you're not getting a lot of suitors and you think this guy is going to be better than being single then go ahead and marry him. If you think you could get a better offer or it's not worth marrying Mr. Serious-Grumpy-face who dismisses you like a child then go ahead and cancel it.

            Tell you're parents you're not interested. If that doesn't work you could always make yourself appear less appealing. Maybe color in a front tooth so it's black, pass some gas around the guy, spike his food with salt, say you have a secret to tell him after marriage but don't want to ruin your chances now :). Ask him if he's ok just being friends cause you can't see yourself being into the whole romance thing with him. So many options.

  14. Salam i want to share something about my self my name noor i m 32 before 2year ago i faced on facebook one women she is 46 year old still we talking each other but one day i saw a book about muhammad s.w.a he got marroed when he was 25 year old so i wana do that this is sunnah of prophet in one thing real i wana share that in really i like that women she is muslim but a good muslim and i love it so much so what do i do adivce me

  15. Salaam,
    With due respect,i just want to ask that i am 24 years old and she is 31.We both wanna getting marriage but it will be after 2 years due to some solid reasons. even we both are ready to accept this condition.Then i will be 26 and she will be 33 years old.
    So will that time for getting marriage good for both of us or not?
    How much a men should be older than women is acceptable?


  16. Assalmulekum
    i newly married but age diffrent my age 28 wife 18 any problem in our life
    he was talk to me two year he was understad to me i thinking solve to my problem

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