Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Alcohol misuse

Alcohol abuse

His addiction is ruining our lives as well as his...

Aslamalaykum, my husband has been drinking alcohol as well as doing other drugs since we have been married. I was not aware of this till after marriage. I had asked him prior to marriage does he drink etc he said no he doesn't. A few months in to the marriage he kept on asking me if he could drink. I said no, he kept on persisting so he did it anyway. This caused a lot of problems with us but by this time I was pregnant with twins.

Its been almost 10 years now and he hasn't stopped we have a good life if you look at it in a materialisitic way, a house, good car, food and good clothes, but even if we didn't have all that stuff I would be happy just if he stopped his bad habits but he won't because he doesn't want to. He won't admit he has a problem.

He is very bad to my side of the family he tries to stop me seeing my parents he doesn't get along with my father and disrespects him a lot on front of me. I don't know what to do, I know he isn't a bad person deep down in his heart but he won't stop his bad habits and that is causing us as a family a lot of pain and grief I don't want me children growing up and seeing this.

There have been many times when I am ready to leave him but stop because I do love him and k is he cares for me.

I am not sure what to do.

thank you for reading

khadija

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7 Responses »

  1. Askimam.com of mufti MENK. This can be solved.It is only Iman that can correct all bad habits. Drinking is the mother of all evils. So warn him of the punishment of the Graves and please send your kidz full time to madressah to be scholors and huffazs and then at the same time give them a good education but do not make it your first priority or you will regret it.

  2. Dear sister,
    I have quit a bit of knowledge in this area. I had a drinking problem for 5 + years before i met my husband. He knew i did have an issue before we married. My husband did eventually demand for me to chose what is right in life and pick him over alcohol. I chose alcohol free because i love my family and want us to be happy and be sin free. To be the best mother and wife I had to stop. I'm a different person now because of my husband. At first it wasn't easy because I was so addicted to alcohol for so long, it was my crutch in life. Im assuming your husband will have a hard time quiting. Your husband needs to remind himself if he loves his family more then his addictions he needs to stop or he will lose his family. It is very true alcohol and any addiction are the root of evil.
    Be understanding and patient but tell him you will absolutely leave if he can't have a normal life with your family. Give him six months to fix his addictions if he doesn't show true effort and hasn't quit all addictions within 6 months you have to move on and find a good example for your children. I am sorry you are going through this and I wish you the best. I hope he makes the right choice. I will pray for your family.

  3. Sister to be straight to point, You can only solve this problem. It is very simple but remember onething sister if you are not ready to change yourself you cant change him.

    Change the whole environment of house into a pious way. Perform salah intime all 5 times a everyday without fail. Morning wake up early and recite holy qur-an. Not just salah and qur-an but be look like a pious women. If he asks tell him you are afraid of the torments in the kabr and blazing hellfire. Stop musics if you are listening to, stop watching movies or haram contents if you are watching. Hope you understood what i meant you to do and also hope you will do it much better way that what i can express. Once you can create such an environmnet, he will be worried by himself eventhough he will not stop doing it. Also make sure he is not available to his bad friends. Also visit to good islmic places but dont express you want him to go instead you can nicely ask him to fulfil your desire to visit such and such religious place.

    This will first give imaan to you sister. You will become close to allah and allah will give you the fear of his punishment and you also start think about the torments of alchohol and then convey him the message saying you are more afraid of his torments. But never ever say the word stop doing this instantly. His heart has gone dark no advice or suggestion will get into it. So i am saying you to bring some lights on to his heart first. Then tell him to stabilise prayers. And always pray after every salah to make him stop. Cry to allah in thahajjud. Allah will reward you sister for the effort you made.

    Just to reflect over the mercy of Allah, He gave you loving husband, car, house, health but we all living life oblivious of allah. But when we get such problems, we again goes back to allah for his help and make dua to him, He not just responses to your dua but also counts your such dua a good deed. Allahu Akbar,

    Pray for all of us sister.

    • I like your advice truly the best advice ever. Bringing more positive and rightousness will show her husband the right way to be. Sister He will love how good you are and follow I hope. Thats us how and why i did change mostly because my husband is so good and loves allah so much and follows all his rules. I admire cherish love and respect my husband beyond what i knew was possible. Sister Please let's us know if you need anymore advice and how everything is going. Best wishes

      • I have nothing to my credit. Never experienced in marital life sister and I am a student of islamic knowledge trying to help out people out of very little knowledge Allah granted me. Pray for me sister to become a good muslim scholar sister insha Allah. May Allah converge us in Jannath. I am replying only to utilize this moment to say, wherever holy place you go, whichever best situation you engage in, please do remember me and pray for me to die with imaan.

  4. Asalamu alaikum,

    It must be distressing to live with an alcoholic. If you had taken action earlier on in your marriage rather than let him get his way is a problem in itself. First step to recovery is to admit you have a problem, second is to put effort to recover from addiction. But you said, He won't admit he has a problem and won't stop. If that is the case I doubt he will change until HE wants to change. I know you said he cares for you, but really how much do you think you mean to him? Can he not see the family is almost at breaking point? A real man will put his woman's thoughts, feelings first before his own, since family comes first he will do what it takes to make things better.

    Since you haven't done anything, so he doesn't care much. Also don't say he is a good person, as you also said'' He is very bad to my side of the family he tries to stop me seeing my parents''

    It's hard to stop if one has an addiction since it's not like a switch were one can turn off when you feel like it. It's a gradual process, a process were you need to be supportive. I suggest you take your children and live with your family and tell your husband that you have had enough, and no longer will put up with it. Tell him you won't return unless he promises to stop and starts to make a change. When he see's your serious, he will miss you if he really cares for you. Reality will hit him, may be that will be a wake up call. Remind him, it's real foolish to break up a happy home over alcohol.

    Peace..

    • I'm not sure taking off is the best idea but i suppose if you can tell him while he is sober possibly this will work. He does need a punishment and that you have had enough but he also needs to know you love him so much and he needs to change for his own health and his family's well being.

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