Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Alcoholic and cheating husband

LIpstick mark on shirt.

Assalamualaikum my dear Muslim Brothers and Sisters,

I am in great dilemma now and really need help and advice from my fellow Muslimin.

I have been married for 7 years to my husband.  When we met,  I admit we were "jahiliah" (Astaghfirullahal'adzim) we don't practice Islam and we love to party and drink and had pre  marital sex (astaghfirullahal'adzim) if only I could delete that part of my life.

Right now, I have left all the haram things and started to practice Islam. My basic knowledge is really little and striving to learn everyday. I ask Allah SWT for forgiveness every single day.

My problem now is my husband. He still drinks alcohol and goes out with his friends. Even though I have never caught him cheating, I have seen lipstick stains on his shirt twice.  He will come back smelling of a women's perfume and he is drunk. Whenever I question him, he will deny and gets angry then starts to abuse me. As his wife, I have always remind him not to forget our CREATOR, The Almighty.

Mira


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5 Responses »

  1. I don't see where the dilemma is, sister? This man is obviously not suitable to be married to anyone when his priorities in life are to get drunk, chase after women and he abuses you as the icing on the cake. Get a divorce and take your time to find someone who's on the same page as you. You can't change your husband or anyone else, so I personally think every day you spend with him is a waste of your time and a waste of your life.

    • Assalamualaikum Brothers and sisters

      All i suggest it that people on this forum do suggest divorce everytime someone posts their problems and asks for help. Read through the advices on this website. Mashallah the editors give great advice, based on quran and hadith. However, other individuals too often suggest divorce after reading 5 to 6 paragraphs of someone’s life, who at the time of writing their post, may have been extremely furious and enraged. All i ask is that we do not suggest divorce every darn time. Take a look at 5 random posts on woman explaining their marital situations with their husbands. you will find that at least 4 of 5 posts on this website suggest divorce.
      # i aint hating, im just saying :)))))

      May Allah help u sis and all the Muslim Ummmah. Ameen

      • You're quite right, but part of the reason for that is that the people who post their problems on this website are often dealing with marriages that are destructive, abusive, or otherwise completely failed in their purpose. I would never suggest divorce to a man who doesn't like his wife's cooking, or a woman who feels her husband doesn't earn money, or someone who complains that their spouse does not pray the nawafil.

        For me personally, when I give advice, the "deal-breakers" that automatically justify divorce are apostasy, physical abuse, adultery, abandonment, and alcohol or drug addiction. I'm not saying that everyone must get divorced in this cases. But it is certainly justified.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. OP: My problem now is my husband. He still drinks alcohol and goes out with his friends. Even though I have never caught him cheating, I have seen lipstick stains on his shirt twice. He will come back smelling of a women's perfume and he is drunk. Whenever I question him, he will deny and gets angry then starts to abuse me.

    Is he driving drunk? Is your husband an alcoholic? Is he still interested in you? Does he have an anger problem?
    Does he have a PROBLEM that is making him go out and get drunk? Does he drink at home?

    Reminding him or creator is not going to work, Creator was there when you both had premarital sex.

  3. wa alaikumu ssalam wrwb

    dear sister

    I am not a scholar just giving my personal opinion.
    It seems that you are not facing any other problem in your relationship except drinking and hanging out with friends.
    We all make mistakes and its really good to realize your mistakes and repent.
    When you married your husband, he was same.He used to drink and do party.
    Now since you have been blessed with repentance so you should try your best to make him realize that he is on the wrong path.
    Pray for him and talk to him with reason, let him think over what he is doing.
    I know its not easy but give it a try.
    You will also be rewarded if your husband leave these sins.
    You have been living with him, you may have the idea from where to start and how to stop him from doing so.
    How did you come to the right path?
    There are some scholars who say that woman should not live with a husband who drinks.
    But once you were also a drinker and now you have changed.Then why can't he change?
    This is just an opinion.
    But If you have kids and you think that all this is going to affect them then yes you should leave him.
    Senior members may give you a better answer.
    May Allah ta'ala help you and give you patience and wisdom aameen.

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