Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents are alcoholics who do not respect not drinking in the house

"He spends his time drinking and at the bar with his friends"a salamou a3laikoume wa rahmato allah.

I'm a muslim women who's muslim parents drink almost everyday and they drink heavily.

my mother drinks  almost everyday, and even when she was staying with me in my house watching my son, she drunk. She didn't respect the fact that my husband prays in the house and he is so strict about not drinking inthe house. he wants his house to be a hlly house just like every Muslim's house.

I talked to my mom about it and told her it's haram and at your age you should be thinking about going to Hadj or omra   etc.... her answers are always "not your business it's  my life".

this is so stressful on me and I'm so so ashamed of her and my dad too. i fought with her and said mean stuff to her, i argued with her and really said hurtful things that I regret now. I have tried every thing and I just don't know what Islam says about this matter.

she go drunk in my house and my husband found out, so i got in to a bad argument with her and said very mean stuff to her....i was under stress and so so ashamed, please god forgive me if I had sinned.

I this point I don't know what to do. what sharia3 and islam say about Alcoholic Parents and the kids right towards them.

should we still have a good relationship with them just like what god recommended us in the Koran.....or what is the verdict on this big dilemma I'm in right now.

PLEASE HELP ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BAD MUSLIMAH BY NOT TREATING MY PARENTS THE WAY IT SHOULD ( IN THIS CASE MY PARENTS ARE NOT RESPECTING ALLAH)  WHAT SHOULD I DO.

-muslima1979

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8 Responses »

  1. Seek for help, other familiar members if the situation is too dramatic search for someone from outside who can help you, even the AA if that is necessary. But I would never ever be bad to my parents because they have given so much for their kids, they are humans and will make mistakes and is our job in this moment they are making a mistake to make them come back to the light again.... it doesn't matter how much for me if you leave your parents and don't help them it's a bigger sin because is someone in need for help.... and is your Parents.... you should never be ashamed of them, they need help is your job as daughter to help them... because when you needed anything they would be there for you. In your mum.... ur jannat is in you mum's feet!!!!

    Try to help them by seeking advise from other family members or people that can make them understand how bad is this drinking issue.

  2. Salaams,

    I was not clear from your post if your parents live with you in your home, or if they were visiting you only.

    If your mom is drinking that heavily, not only is that creating unnecessary stress for your marriage, but it is also destroying the bond you have with her as a daughter. Needless to say, alcoholism is a serious problem and those who are struggling with it have a great challenge not only in getting sober, but remaining sober over time. Often, people who have addicitions only overcome them after they have reached a dark place in their life and decide for themselves to change and get help. You can not make your mother realize she has a drinking problem, she has to recognize that for herself. The best thing you can do at this point is to make sure you don't enable (help her stay addicted to alcohol) her by letting her do whatever she wants no matter how it affects you, her grandchild, your husband, or her own husband.

    If she is living with you, you can make it a condition of her continued stay that she get treatment for her alcoholism. It's very simple: if she refuses to get help, she can no longer live there. Requiring someone who lives with you to stop doing something haram is not disrespectful. In fact, this is something you can also do if what you described was only because of a visit- you can tell her she may no longer visit you until she gets sober and treated.

    The Prophet (saws) once said "help those who are doing right and who are doing wrong...help those who are doing wrong by helping them to start doing the right thing" (paraphrased). When you ask someone with a serious problem like alcoholism to get help, even making it your condition for dealing with them to do so, you are helping them to do the right thing for themselves and for Allah's sake. Even though sometimes as children (even adult children) we think that making our parents unhappy or taking a position they wouldn't agree with is disrespectful, there are certain times it's the healthiest and wisest thing to do. I think this would count as one of those times.

    You and your husband have the right to have your home pure and free of haram influences. If those who come to your home -whether as relatives or just friends- cannot respect your environment, you are not wrong to distance yourselves from those harmful influences until your wishes can be respected. You may even be helping to save your own mother's soul by taking a strong stand against her behavior by setting clear boundaries about what is permissible in your home and what is not. Insha'Allah the pain of that confrontation will be small compared to the benefits your whole family will have when she takes steps towards recovery.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salam.

    My mother is alcoholic as well. I tried to be the better person for 12 years. I somehow managed to graduate college by Allah's will. I suffered alot because of her. when she drinks she becomes emotionally verbally and physical abusive. she said so many mean nasty things to me when I didnt do anything to her. once she spit at my face because I didn't cook something right. and she said that i was ugly and i'm stupid, mind you i was 13 at the time. I ill never forget that because it hurt me so much. if you ask her all this, she will deny it. in her eyes she is a saint. I am planning to move out soon and decrease communication with her. It's hard for me to say but I don't love my mother. I respect her giving birth to me yes but she caused me much anguish and pain that because of her i made bad decisions because I was trying to be islamically good daughter to her. Allah is great, he sees and hears everything. in your heart if you have good intentions Allah will reward you. I asked my mom to get help but she says no, she says that all my problems are because of me, she said this to me since i was 12, i am now in my mid 20s. I suggest you bring an imam in the house when she is there and ask him to speak to her and your father. Alcohol is haram and Allah does not look at the one who drinks. astaghfirullah and may Allah guide us all.

    Good luck

  4. Salam,

    My mum & dad are muslims and also drink too they

    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

  5. (Comment removed by Editor).

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. I published your comment as a separate post, and I changed your name and some of your personal details so that you would not be recognized by people who know you.

      Also remember that as a young girl, you should make a habit of protecting your identity and privacy online. There are people who would take advantage of you. It's best to never use your real name, and certainly not your full name.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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