Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Allah does not take me serious

The pain I have been carrying now for 5 years straight reached unbearable dimensions. Still I ask Allah for help.

I am 24. Depend on parents to afford food because I can not work with the difficulties my body endures. I cannot provide for myself nor a potential family.

My body is disease stricken. In order to eat food I have to invest in a medicament about 50€ every week. Insurance does not cover it becsuse it is private prescription.

I am a student and have a small job that earns me 200€ a month meaning I need my familys financial support.

My studies are delayed due to mental problems regarding memory and thought Processing. My diet influences my mental abilities. But even if I adopt an optimal diet the mental problems do not go away completely and worsen if i eat wrong. Doctors cannot figure out what it is.

I cannot socialise properly. Cannot attract the opposite sex. Cannot work. Cannot learn and live properly. Cannot form a thought. Cannot eat normally.

I addressed everything I am able to cure me and some improvements occured but my body wont heal wont get normal.

I went to scholars to doctors they were not able to help or treat me.

I engaged in prayer. The relief I have been yearning for has not come.

My hands sweat and make me anxious. My body is heated.

I am forced to take around 20 different vitamins amino acids and herbal supplements to halfway function and not fall apart. My speech is impaired too. I cant realöy speak fluently. Uttering sounds is dufficult. The nutrient called choline seems to help though.

When I compare my life now to what it was 6 7 8 years ago the pain is just too much.

A have little to no friends LEFT who can accompany me. Neither does my family understand the full scale of my torment.

They say finish school, get married but I want that too but Allah has blocked my path. He watches me now despairing because no one can help me out of this and waits for something to happen. Days pass tears flow every night but relief does not come

Wallahi I am drained of my human abilities and I feel overburdened and now I have reached the point of contemplating my end.

As many say suicide means punishment and I would like to beat the person dead who dares to say that to my face as they do not understand a fraction what some endure but still make reckless remarks in a matter of seconds.

I am a helping person by nature whenever I see someone in distress I go and feel his pain.

I have lived through child abuse for many years too. But my mother was soft and caring and naive too.

My question to you is ehat exactly does Allah want from me. I rid my heart of racism and hate false religious ideas. Corrected relationships asked for forgiveness thanked asked expressed my needs.

In a couple of days ill be 25. I used to plan getting married by 25 having a job.this seems distant now.

What im planning is this if by my 25th bday I wont find relief I will find a way end end my life through the hand of someone else. I will abandon everyone I know and go to a desert where I will make my final statement. I wilö leave Allah the Choice of either saving or killing me as I am no longer able to bare his silence which makes my life meaningless.
Alternatively I will volunteer in risky jobs to fknd an accident to cause my death.

I no longer tolerate being ignored.
Have fun asking Allah and actually getting help unlike me.

Some will argue and say see the lottle things. I do but it is not enough in my current life to survive. Fare well you all. I have seen with my naked eyes how the survuval of the fittest has veen realised in my life by Allah himself.

All the prayers i made all the tears i shed all the money i spent all the insults and humiliatipns i endured all sacrifices i made have they helped me to reach this? If something good awaots me it is too late my youth and desire to live has slowly been reduced to nothing. Fare well. I will not get emotional doing this. Tears are unknown but to the one who sheds them.


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16 Responses »

  1. For every illness Allah has created the cure. It sounds as though you are despairing of the mercy of Allah. God has provided us the perfect way of life and if we have problems in our life then we are not following that perfect way of life. So my kind advice is that you start by looking at your prayer.... Is your prayer 5 times a day, is your prayer in time or do you delay and miss prayers. How is your fasting are you lazy and intentionally missing days. Look at your money are you giving zakat if you have enough spare cash. Then look at your parents, are they pleased with you and are you obedient and dutiful to them as Allah commands us to be. He says worship Allah and be excellent to your parents. Don't even say uff to them. So look my dear brother sister, Satan wants to take you hellfire with him and he will give you lots of anxiety and worries and make you doubt and suspect. He enters us through the gate of suspicion and doubt. If you done all of these actions above and are steadfast and carry on bearing the hardship of sacrifice for Allah then I have no doubt that God will ease for you the way to paradise. You must not give up And must not give up even if it has been 5 10 years. Remember this Whole life is a test and nobody said the test will Be easy or short. Look at the life of our prophets stories for reassurance... Prophet ayyub was rich and healthy and many sons and children but then God afflicted him. With illness and took away all his wealth and all his family left him and he was patient and didn't complain but only he said after many many years of hardship he asked God : my lord affliction has touched me and you are the merciful of the merciful. Wow amazing that he could have said my lord you betrayed me I am your prophet look how bad my skin is I have leprosy and I have no money and he could have been very angry but he only said bad had TOUCHED him. Look the humility of the prophets and let's take lessons. Also God tests those who he loves, don't give up. And don't forget also that God will answer all your dua as long as you don't say God when are. You. Going to answer and God you. Didn't answer etc. You must make dua and leave it to God. I hope. Your situation improves for. You. And you. Can be a pious worshipper of God.

  2. Bismillah
    Try hijama (cupping).
    And you should thank Allah that you're able to take everything you are taking it could be a lot worse.

  3. Assalamalaikum, dear brother. Mashallah, you've come to the right place.

    Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,

    “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

    Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much – these fluctuations in our iman, the repeated sinning, the feeling that “I just don’t deserve Allah’s mercy.” The tests always feel like punishments. There is a constant worry about the future: my marriage, my money, my career, my ummah (community)… And some difficulties just feel like they are too great to overcome. We know we’re not supposed to ask this, but the question at the back of our minds is, “Why me?”

    We have all heard that we should never despair of Allah’s Mercy. And on the surface, we try not to, but Shaytaan (the Devil) has a trick. We tend to despair of ourselves and our incapacity to change things, especially the inner turmoil that we feel. And the effect of this is basically the same as despairing of Allah’s mercy. We do not always accept that Allah can take us out of the situation we are in and we don’t need to ‘deserve’ the trouble; Allah isn’t punishing us and we don’t need to be perfect.

    We perceive trials as they are meant to be perceived – as tests of our trust in Allah, forcing us to put our knowledge into practice and bringing us closer to Him. These trials could potentially be a punishment too, that is if we let it affect us negatively by completely turning away from Him because of our sadness. But our awareness of our own state and our understanding of Allah’s Mercy allows us to turn the punishment into something positive that is manifested through repentance to Allah, alongside increasing in hasanat (good deeds) in order to erase the bad deeds.

    As long as we begin by recognizing that Allah is with us and He is close to us, there remains a solution to our inner worries. There are things we need to know in order to develop our relationship with Allah. Then there are things we need to do in order to maintain that closeness to Allah. And finally, there are things we need to aspire for to achieve the ideal relationship with Allah

    “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

    As human beings, we will be tested. But this doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’ So what does it mean when we are going through hardship? Is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) angry with us? What if there is no way out?

    Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an: “[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

    Certain hardships are so consuming that we cannot focus on anything but the difficulty. But we have to remember that if we were to enumerate the blessings of Allah (swt), we would not be able to count them. Reminding ourselves of the other blessings in our lives helps us to see the test within the context of the grand scheme of things. Just the fact that you can make sajda (prostration), and call out, “O Allah!” is a blessing that surpasses all others.

    But why?

    There is a purpose behind the trial, and this purpose corresponds to our internal state and our relationship with Allah (swt). Allah (swt) has 99 Beautiful Names, and it should suffice us to know that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Just and the Most Wise.

    Tests are a way to purify us. The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari]. Our ultimate aim is to earn Allah’s pleasure and Jannah (paradise), and all of us fall short in truly worshiping Allah (swt) as He should be worshiped. Many of us fail to ask for forgiveness regularly, or to reflect on our state and return to Allah (swt). These tests, as burdensome as they are, ease our burden on the Day of Judgment, if we respond with patience.

    The Prophet ﷺ said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]. In a hadith qudsi (a hadith relating the words of Allah [swt]), Allah (swt) tells Jibreel to delay the response to the du`a’ of a servant because Allah (swt) loves hearing his voice [Tabarani]. Sometimes the answer to a test is that need for Allah (swt), those long hours spent in the night, and the tears of sincerity.

    [He is] the Lord of the East and the West; there is no deity except Him, so take Him as Disposer of [your] affairs.” (Qur’an, 73:9)

    Have you ever had that feeling of anxiety in your heart? What if it doesn’t work out? What if you never get over it? The truth is, we have all felt this way at some point in our lives. Sometimes, the uncertainty is just too much to bear, or the hardship of a moment prevents us from seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. At times we desperately want some kind of medicine, a pill perhaps, to miraculously take these worries away.

    But we do have that. This pill is called tawakkul. Like any pill, it’s sometimes hard to swallow. There are moments when we wonder whether this medicine even works, or if it is just some tool to make us simply believe we can be better. But Allah, the One – the only One – in control of this universe has said: “…And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an, 65:3)

    So what does it mean to rely on Allah; to have tawakkul in Him?

    It means to be firm in your heart.

    With tawakkul, our external burden or outward struggle is to plan, to use our means, and to work hard, but in our heart there is no longer the worry of this burden. If you are sick, you seek out the best option: a professional doctor. If you are applying to university, you take your time in preparing your application to meet the criteria. But also know that after you have done your daily work and faced struggles, you should feel a resounding rest in your heart. Why?

    Allah is Al-Wakeel; this means that it is He who controls His worshipers’ affairs and takes care of them. He never abandons them nor leaves them to another source. He has given Himself this Name and made it known to us, so that we know this is an essential attribute of His; thus, we will never be let down insha’Allah. Even if things do not go according to plan, we know that Allah will give us something that is better. We could not have entrusted our affairs to anyone better than Him. This is why, whenever the idea of relying on Allah is mentioned in the Qur’an, Allah reminds us of His power:

    And Allah says,“…Rely upon the Ever-Living who does not die…” (Qur’an, 25:58)

    But if the condition of tawakkul is that we use our provisions and resources, what if we lack the means?

    Imam Ahmad said the happiest day of his life was when he woke up one morning only to find no food in his home, because he knew that on this day he had to rely completely on Allah. Imam Ahmad was very, very poor since he didn’t have the means as we do to just go to the market and buy what his heart desired.

    When we truly have tawakkul, we will never seek haram means to escape our situation, because we believe it is only Allah who determines the result.

    Do not say “Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (swt) probably hates me. I am so bad; I always mess up. I don’t deserve any good from Allah (swt), and as punishment, I probably will not be given success in my other endeavors.” For Allah says in the hadith: “I am at My servant’s opinion of Me.” (Bukhari)

    We have to remember that Allah (swt) is al-Wadud (the Most Loving). His Mercy overcomes His blame. It is not about deserving. If you thank Allah, He gives you more. It is not because we deserve more, it is because Allah is that Great. He is that Generous. Shaytan (the devil) makes us focus on how bad we are in order that we despair of Allah’s mercy, when the Prophet ﷺ taught us: “All the children of Adam constantly err, but the best of those who constantly err are those who constantly repent.” [Tirmidhi]

    The Prophet ﷺ said that “One of the signs of excellence of one’s worship is thinking well of Allah (swt).” [Ahmad]

    At the end of the day, it is shaytan who wants us to go to hell, not Allah. Allah tells us in the Qur’an:

    “Allah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow [their] passions want you to digress [into] a great deviation.” (Qur’an, 4:27)

    Shaytan does not just want you to go to hell, but also wants to ensure you live in hell in this world. Just like he despaired, he wants you to despair. Our good opinion of Allah (swt) should never allow us to do that. Allah (swt) wants to accept your repentance, because your repenting is recognition of His Name al-Ghaffar (the One who constantly forgives).

    This test is something from Allah (swt), and He wants to teach you, to purify you from sins, to strengthen you, and to bring you closer to Him. We do not have a cruel God; our God is the Most Merciful of those who show Mercy. When we approach our tests with that frame of mind, we cannot but gain from our experience, insha’Allah.

    So what does it mean to think well of Allah?

    It means to take that step. When we mess up, even if we messed up in a major way, we return to Him. We return to Him recognizing that what we did was truly horrible, but we ask for His forgiveness because we know He is that forgiving, and that His Mercy encompasses everything. When we mess up again and again, and feel sick of ourselves, we return to Him with a sincere du’a (supplication) to help us stop, knowing that He will respond. It means having grand hopes and aspirations, and working towards them knowing that Allah (swt) “will not allow to be lost the reward of any who did well in deeds.” (Qur’an, 18:30)

    I will continue brother and I'll be more specific in my answers with regards to your personal questions, Inshallah.

    • Brother yusuf i need help you plz help me i post here but not published yet i post here almost 7months ago i write here in comment session but no much take help and brother wael plz do not remove my comment plz and thanks

      • Salamalaikum.

        May Allah compensate you for your patience, brother Sofi. Change your email ID and post it, Sofi. Your Id may have been blocked.

  4. Good respond from all commentators so act upon their advice and AHADEES AND QURAN ,plz do not worry i was suffered simalirly situation but ALLAH helped me you treat with islamicaly may be you suffer in black magic so you can cure with QURAN and daily read if pissible read after namaz SURAH RAHMAN this SURAH calm down and SURAH WADUHA with translation it is for anixty,depression and sadness so read .And you download app manzil witch is collective different AYATS read three time in one sitting or one time you can also listen it is for magic protect from evil and devil ,you can download dua and adhkaat app and recite morning and evening duas protect from evil in this way you can feel better slowly slowly and read QURAN with translation daily ponder them and act upon them you can feel better ,In SHALLAH

  5. Brother have faith. Its a test. My life isnt perfect and i never dreamed of a expensive or a luxury life, i will always help someone. But i habe nothing because its a test. Have faith, keep praying and In Sha ALLAH everything thing will be alright

  6. I'm so, so sorry for the difficulties in your life. I totally understand how pain and the lack of health, hope and happiness can make any person want to give up on life. But as long as you are breathing, there is hope. Understandably, your primary focus is on all the negatives in your life. It makes me so sad that this is what your life has come down to - but in all honesty, the solution isn't suicide. Everyone has battles to fight, everyone works on themselves and everyone works on personal projects to make themselves better, healthier and happier.

    You don't mention anything about your illness, or how much doctors are involved in your journey to health. I also think you shouldn't focus on things that you clearly aren't capable of doing. Anyone who's sick can't work and provide for themselves, not just you. But unlike many people, you have a family there to help. You realise how many sick people out there wish they had what you have?

    I'm not trying to minimalise your suffering at all, I'm just trying to get you away from the idea that suicide is a solution. Have you talked to a therapist? Are you getting treatment for your mental health issues? I assume you're from Europe as you wrote your currency is € - in most of Europe, doctors are free so take advantage of that! Make your health a priority, before anything else. Unless you have a terminal illness, I'm sure there is help to find for you. So many people go years without knowing what's wrong with can do it, too. I promise.

  7. OP: The pain I have been carrying now for 5 years straight reached unbearable dimensions.......My body is disease stricken. In order to eat food I have to invest in a medicament about 50€ every week. Insurance does not cover it because it is private prescription. My studies are delayed due to mental problems regarding memory and thought Processing. My diet influences my mental abilities. But even if I adopt an optimal diet the mental problems do not go away completely and worsen if i eat wrong. Doctors cannot figure out what it is.....I cannot socialize properly. Cannot attract the opposite sex. Cannot work. Cannot learn and live properly. Cannot form a thought. Cannot eat normally.

    Any bad things happened to you during a year before your problems started? You can get all your vitamins and amino acids if you eat normal food. Did doctors tell you you may have a psychological disorder? Your imagination may making you sick.

  8. Assalamu alaikum
    Brother don't lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Be patient. Jannah is much better than all these years you lived happy. Make dua and do not think about Allah like this. In a hadith Qudsi Allah says: I am as my servent thinks(expects) I am. So don't think bad about Allah always think good of him and expect that Allah will help you. Don't put an ultimatum to Allah he will help you whenever he wills. And you have to wait and be patient. Ask for a lot of sabr and guidance. And make Hijama the prophet sws. said : "Indeed the best of remedies you have is cupping (hijama).

    I pray you get better soon and don't kill yourself the punishment in the afterworld is much worse . Would the people of hell ask to get a bigger punishment ? No. And what you are going through is not like hell. Hasan Basri(R.A) said :"The Fire will burn the Jahannmis 70 thousand times every day. And each time the Fire burns them, it will be said: "Be as you were before, and they will become so." . Could you imagine this pain ? It is worse than every pain you can suffer. Do you live in Germany or Austria ? I live in Austria. I ask because of the ö you accidently wrote. Maybe I can help you. I don't think they allow private contact information to be posted but if you want we can figure out a way

  9. I feel sorry for you. don't give up. don't give know what i think you are strong person.all these years you knew what you were going through how did you have come this far alone its because you stronger but you need to understand you are not alone in this..allah is with you all the 3 times Darood e shareef after that read this Astaghfirullah Rabbi Min Kulli Zambiyon Wa Atoobu ilaih 100 times n make dua.

    • read bismillah before eating or learning or memorising or doing some work or taking medicines. say alhamdulilah after eating or learning or memorising or doing somework..

  10. deep down in your heart .you are holding on to something..just let it go..don't carry whatever it is just let it go..i will pray for you there always a hope..

  11. reply back fireleaf..

  12. Assalamualaikum, and greetings. First of all, I hope you're not dead yet. But if you do, that's just a shame for you and I'm just wasting my time write these things for you.

    I know you're in great pain, emotionally and physically. But, at first before you question everything happen to you and what Allah wants from you, have you accept what has happened to you at first? The first rule of faith is to believe what happens to you it destine from Allah. If you don't accept it, how can you live your life?

    I know it's hard to depend on your life with medication and your family, and you have financial issue. But it seems to me, you didn't mention your family has poor financial state. Some people who has the same condition, doesn't have the support from the family as they cannot afford to do that. They have to beg for donation from other people. If that happen to you, would you feel better or worst?

    So, you need to feel grateful for what you have. Then, you can live your life. Move on and continue living. Don't feel pity about yourself and embrace it. Remember, even if you commit suicide, you'll end up in hell, which is far worst than your condition right now. Are you prepare for that? That's the real question. Are you ready for that?

    That being said, remember also your pain now is not forever. Take your time and do as much good deeds as you can. Life without pain is not living. That teach us to be a better person. A better son to your parents. A better brother to your siblings.

    Get married? A life on your own? Everyone wants that, but it seems to me Allah said to you, it's not your time. Be patience, your time will come. You're just 25 years old. There's a life ahead of you to think. If you can't support yourself, how can you get married and support another human being? What's really up with getting married to you? I guess it's because you're lonely and your friends are married and that's why you want it too, but actually you're not ready for that. I'm 29 years old woman and I'm not married yet. I used to afraid about it before but now, I'm completely surrendered to Allah. He knows the best for me. And I bet He does too to you.

    What you need to do is grab a piece of paper and write down what do you want to do (other than married of course) and do it. Live your life and stop pitying yourself.

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