Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will Allah punish me for talking to boys at school?

Muslim school girls

I always kept a distance from males because I was always unsure that if I interacted with them I would end up doing a wrong thing. I would also get frequent 'crushes', and they were my weakness- consuming my time and thoughts. I have been studying in a co-eduacation environment since my childhood. I don't have a brother and my parents wanted that I shouldn't be afraid to face boys, and should do so with confidence, but still I always had a feeling in my heart that boys only want to speak to the pretty girls and with those who 'allowed them to have fun with them'.

When I would see the boys and girls interacting with each other, I would not feel nice because I'd feel that in certain ways their interaction would become disrespectful. Although they just thought they were 'becoming frank', I was always hesitant to to talk uneccessarily. After my O level I chose to go to a co-education college once again, because I wanted to overcome this fear once and for all and overcome my constant crushes. I didn't want to be afraid anymore.

In my college I made friends with a few boys. With some I got so close that we talked like best friends. They didn't cross their limits with me because they are well aware that I'm not that sort of girl. I became consumed with texting them all the time, that somtimes the time of prayer would pass by. I also became a bit non-serious in studies and my grades began to drop. When my board exams were two months away, I stopped talking to them as frequently and started to concentrate on my studies. I needed to get good grades so that I didn't lose my scholarship, and I couldn't deal with the guilt of letting my parents pay large fees for my exam retakes.

I cry and pray to GOD for forgiveness, and I ask Him to help me achieve these grades. I feel so guilty that I spent so much time talking with those boys, and I fear that ALLAH WILL PUNISH ME. I'M TOO SCARED, BUT I ALSO TRUST ALLAH. I pray to Him to not punish me in a way which would involve my parents. I cannot let them have the burden of paying huge amounts of money. I asked Him to punish me in some other way, in which no one gets hurt but me. I don't know what to do.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam sis.You are to be commended for making these boys aware of their limits with you.That being said, it is also advisable to tone your friendship with these boys down , because it inadvertently might lead to situations that involve crossing limits plus its better not to give people something to gossip about unnecessarily.Also, don't you think its rather unwise to be friends with boys who are the sort to want to 'have fun' with a girl, regardless of whether that girl allows them or not?Sounds like a child playing with matches to me, my girl.It's a good thing that you do not want to be intimidated by men, strong women are a backbone of society, but that can be achieved without making close friends with boys.You could maintain a cordial, polite and professional attitude with your male class fellows without getting over friendly or proceeding to texting, I guarantee your respect in their eyes will be two fold increased, insha'Allah.And its a very good thing that your conscience and guilt is pricking you at a very early stage, it will save you from making bad decisions later on.If you worked hard two months before your papers, insha'Allah the results will show, because Allah does not waste hard work.If the results are not what you wanted, take it as Allah's way of showing you your potential, that you could do better , and that you are not to slack off from your studies and remain focused at all time.Pray five times a day, try to read Quran ( do these things as a routine, not just before result day :p), be obedient to your parents, study as hard as you can and this world will be your oyster Insha'Allah.Best of luck, sis!

  2. As sister
    Firstly may Allah ease your pain and may Allah forgive your sins. We are all humans and therefore we will sin. However Allah has given us a way out and that is repentance. So before anything repent sincerely to Allah and Dont fall into the same sin again. Wallah if you stand up in the last 3rd of the night an hour before fajr and pray two rakats to Allah asking for forgiveness in sh Allah Allah will forgive you and also ask Allah for what ever you want.its the best feeling ever try it. Secondly after that just have patience and continue to make dua and by Allah you will get excellent grades in sh Allah. I have been through an experience similar to yours and honestly when I look back I just think all the hardship was so worth it. One thing I would reccomend is to just get closer to Allah and learn more about your seen.May Allah help you sis and grant you all the good in this world and the next world.

  3. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Holy Quran

    53. Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves: do not despair of Allah's mercy, for Allah forgives all sins. He is indeed the Forgiver, the Clement."

    (Quran 39: 53)

    135. And those who, when they commit an indecency or wrong themselves, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins-and who forgives sins except Allah? And they do not persist in their wrongdoing while they know.

    136. Those-their reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and gardens beneath which rivers flow, abiding therein forever. How excellent is the reward of the workers.

    (Quran 3: 135-136)

    286. Allah does not burden any soul beyond its capacity. To its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits. (the messenger of Allah made dua for the Muslims of this Ummah and said) "Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord, do not burden us as You have burdened those before us. Our Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear; and pardon us, and forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Lord and Master, so help us against the disbelieving people."

    (Quran 2: 286)

  4. MashaAllah very good responses to your question. May Allah swt forgive us all for our mistakes and guide us to the right path and shower His mercy and love on us .Ameen .

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Remember that Allah is Most Merciful, and loves to forgive us when we repent. So, trust in His mercy, and ask Him to forgive and help you - don't ask for punishment.

    One of the challenges of mixed gender schools and workplaces is making sure that you keep within Islamic limits. It can be easy for boundaries to seem blurred, especially when you see other people interacting in ways that don't stay within these boundaries. For example, as Muslimahs, we should not engage in private correspondence with non-mahram guys - so, if you need to speak with a guy regarding studies, make sure that you do so in a public setting, with another person aware of what is being said (it's easy to cc people in emails, or send emails to a group of people).

    Make sure that your resolve stays strong, by surrounding yourself with pious sisters, observing appropriate modesty, and going to sisters-only Islamic study groups to keep yourself aware of Islam. You could also speak with your parents about planning for marriage in the future, so that when you find yourself thinking about boys, you can re-focus on preparing for a halal relationship with the right boy.

    Midnightmoon editor

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