Always been religious but feel like I’m living in a straight jacket
a.s
I just stumbled across this fab page and decided to pour my heart out to a bunch of strangers. here goes nothing.
name's samir, 26 y.o, goin thru unspecified misery all my life. sincerely feel overwhelmed n totally dejected.
I consider myself to be a good-doer, pay zakah like it's my hobby. hate to see anyone suffering. Always avoided the major sins like zina and shirk. women fall for me and offer themselves to me, but I always managed to walk away. I've been called name's like gay and fag, but it never gets to me.
Despite my prudish ways, I don't see any tangible rewards. feel like i'm in a straight-jacket always praying and begging. Want to end my life badly. it has no meaning or higher purpose. everyday is a living hell.
Would Allah honestly begrudge me ending this tragic life? ?!! (If HE doesn't. Admire his restraint).
- Samir
11 Responses »
Leave a Response
Samir
Hey you've done everything right and hope you continue to do things right. Why do you want to end your life? Every time you think that something is hard stop and think what would the prophet (saw) do at a time like this.
Sam I've been thru a lot since last Ramdhan. I have begged , cried and begged more it wasn't till one day I sat back and realised that Allah swt has helped me in each and every path. Every hurdle he has helped me leap I just had to run in between the hurdles but everytime I fell in between I cried and when I did cry he was there.
Remember NO ONE MAKES A LOCK WITHOUT A KEY, THAT'S WHY ALLAH WON'T GIVE YOU PROBLEMS WITHOUT A SOLUTION,
Ameen Ya Rab
Imaan
Salam
Wow. You have no idea how blessed you are. Abstaining from sin is in itself a blessing. Brother, you have no idea the burden that big sins place upon one's shoulder. I can't understand why anybody in your position would even think of suicide. Thank Allah that he has protected you from committing these sins. Other than that, keep up with your compulsory and voluntary 'ibadah, make du'a, and strive. You will find a way out inshaAllah. Relax brother. Know that Allah is on your side. This negative attitude will get you nowhere. Don't despair of Allah's mercy brother. With the power of Allah you will be able to accomplish everything, and Allah can relieve your misery. I suggest getting married as soon as you can. That will definitely provide you with physical, emotional, and spiritual upliftment. Keep striving.
Staying away from zina, shirk, paying zakat, helping poor- brother u r going to heaven In Sha Allah. But i see shaytan is trying best to break ur imaan. Don't let it happen brother. U r blessed, just look around u, how nany ppl are capable of doing these good deeds? U r working hard for akhirah and good news is u r in right path. Be positive, may Allah bless u and make ur life easier. Ameen.
Brother! What's wrong with you?! Don't end your life, we need more men like you in this world. I actually didn't even think men like you existed these days...
But, actually, I have to admit, I've been suicidal ever since I was 5. At least you seem like a good Muslim...I don't even pray, or read the Quran. I lie, cheat, steal, backstab…so, basically...I'm no good to society. Every day hasn't been very good for me either..
The thing is though; if I can tell you one thing that I found out while going through this, it'd be the fact that Allah Tala never said that just because we are good people, good things will always happen. When He teaches you right from wrong, He then tests to see if you have actually learned something, and are going to act upon it.
In times of difficulty, we often get depressed, frustrated, and angry, but fail to realize that Allah is only testing us. He stresses how important it is to maintain patience, and put your trust solely in Him, so keep that in mind.
The key here is, you are a great man, Masha Allah, may Allah give you the highest level of Jannah. You just need to remember, and this goes for me too, that as long as we are alive, we can still be doing good, and that Allah is there for us, but if we both end our lives...who's going to be there for us?
Both of us are going to be rotting in our graves as nothing more than losers who did exactly what shaitan wanted.
Brother, with Ramadan coming up, I hope to start praying and reading the Quran again, and I will remember to keep you in my prayers. Insha Allah, Allah will guide us to the right path, and make us stronger, and better Muslims. Ameen.
As-salamu alaykum Samir. I agree with the previous comments. I just wanted to ask you, what exactly are the tangible rewards that you feel you are missing?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Samir could there possibly be more to this situation? Is there something lacking in your life that you crave/would like? Could you possibly be experiencing mild depression and consider seeing a specialist?
Alhumdulliah you sound like a great guy. You have excellent self control and Allah has opened your heart to the entirety of Islam and has helped guide you. Shaytaan loves to target people like you because you are the ultimate challenge and he gets more satisfaction out of messing with your head.. don't give in to him. You worked way too hard to get to where you are. I understand from your post that you must be very pious and must love Allah. If such is the case, you must keep in mind that there is no forgiveness (As I understand it, but only Allah knows) for suicide. No one aside from Allah has the right to take your life - especially not you.
Perhaps you feel as though you are living in a straight jacket because your life is unfulfilled.. but if you have a roof over your head, a family under your roof, all your limbs and senses, and food on your table you are better off than most of this world and that brother is something to be very greatful for. We are so involved in our own lives most of the time we forget to look at what is going on in the world around us. Allah has not only blessed your soul and mind but also your life so don't underestimate the power of his love. Pray to him and ask him to guide you to something that is good for you.. something that will open and enrich your heart and mind and will give you something to live for. Pray to him to give you passion.. and at the same time go out there and ask yourself what you feel is missing in your life, and what you would like to add to your life and seek to do those things.
If you are still feeling this way I would really consider seeing a doctor. It could be something as normal as a hormonal imbalance that has been affecting your moods.. it is definitely worth getting checked out.
Please consider what I've said 🙂 inshaAllah things get better for you very soon.
Assalam alaikum Br.,
It sounds like you are going through the motions of Emaan, but maybe you are not being truly "moved" emotionally by that Emaan.
I might be wrong, but I feel that our deeds and our faith have to be in race with one another constantly and when one leads, the other should pick up the pace so that they are always carefully balanced. We should neither become show-offs void of belief, nor just believers with no deed to show for it. It seems your deeds are far ahead of your faith and your faith is lagging behind.
Though you are practicing Islam well, mashaAllah, and may Allah reward you many fold, you have to let it touch your heart more. Read more Quran and focus on the particular struggles of each and every Prophet.
Do not be blind - otherwise you will be blessed but not aware of it - imagine if a person has one million dollars hidden in their property but doesn't know. That money is useless to them even if it is theirs. Similarly, you are blessed, but seem to be unaware or tricked into thinking that you are missing out on tangible "rewards"- please realize how blessed you are and share that with those around you.
May Allah bless you more, Ameen.
Subhan Allah sister Saba.
Of all the comments above,I really feel that u got to the core of Samir's issue.
Sometimes we just do good deeds but the eeman element is missing.
Yr Samir, dont underestimate urself.Increase the dhikr and time with Quran in ur life so that you get rid of the spiritual void u are experiencing.So that u get rid of the feeling of emptiness and a burden on ur heart.
Perhaps Allah SWT wants to promote you in the ranks of Jannah and Allah wants that u dont just settle on what u r doing.Allah knows that you have got more pottential.
You can do a lot more.Ur heart is longing more n more for being close to Allah,that's why the current unrest is what ur going through.
And be aware that u are among the rare men of this Ummah if women throw themselves at you and u get away with it.
Rectify ur intentions.Make ur sure that even the smallest of actions u are doing are solely.for Allah's pleasure.Dont just do good actions bcz u do them anyway.Make sure you remind urself that ur doing it for Jannah.
Way to go man..
Aslamulakum Samir. You really know what islam is, good on you bro! I think seeing a pycitrist is definitely worth the money. Reason being they know a lot about everyone's religious and cultural teachings. They also get you as a person plus its confidential. In the Quran it says 'ask the one who knows'. You've got depression i can't figure out why, you can't figure out why. Might as well find someone who does. I mean the faster you treat it the easier you'll beat it. And if you don't go, it'll get worse. I cant tell you to 'get over it' depressions not like that. You can't fake happiness, and prayers alone won't help big bro. Take note of the above verse. And read Surah Duha Ayatul kursi, play sports or work out. And Insallah Allah will wash away that pain, just as dirt is washed off by rain. ALlAH HAFIZ.
P.S
You better not sucide yourself, if u do who's ganna make dua for me? Lol
I think many people experience what you are feeling, but it comes from a faulty notion that if you do everything right, everything works out for you. If you pray, you get what you want. If you are good to other people they will be good to you. If you obey your parents, your life will unfold in the manner that brings you the best happiness. If you study, you will get A's.
As human beings we are caught up in the "if A, then B" formula. But life does not work that way. Once you realize that, you may feel a bit better.
I can tell you this, though. If you STOP practicing, then you will feel worse.
I also think there is a lot more going on with you. If you feel despondent and suicidal, you should be seeking medical attention right away. Go see your family doctor and discuss these feelings. S/he will probably refer you to counselling, and/or medication. Also try to get as much exercise as possible, and ensure that your diet is well-balanced with Vitamin Bs, Omega-3s, ZInc, magnesium, etc -- all of these are essential in maintaining your serotonin levels. If you live in a northern climate then make sure you also get enough vitamin D by way of sunlight or supplement.