Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I a Boy or a Girl?

transgender homosexual gay lesbian

I have always been attracted to females even as a young child. I feel as if though I should've been born a boy. I do not have any man body parts nor was I born with any boy parts. I have high testosterone which causes me not to have my menstrual as often as normal females my age. In fact I only get it twice a year.

I'm sorry I am saying too much info, I just want you to understand.. Anyways, people label me as a lesbian or homosexual but I do not feel like that is what I am. I feel as if I am straight. I know I am a girl but I feel like I should have been a boy.

I want to know what I should do. I've been doing a lot of research. Some suggest a sex change (surgery).. My mom and family disapprove of my sexuality and the way I express myself ( I cross-dress so I dress how a boy or man would) .. I know for the rest of my life I will only love and be attracted to women. There is no way I can marry a man. I feel as if I am homosexual at the thought of me marrying a man. Because I feel like I am a male.

I would be so comfortable if I would be a man. I would feel like that is my nature. That is what I was meant to be. In my eyes, whether I change or not it would be sinning in some way. If I stay a female, I'd be living the life of a homosexual as people think. If I change I'd be living normal (to me) but I would have committed sin for changing his creation. Even though I believe that there was a mistake in my development.

What do you think?

Thank you.
Salem alekom.


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2 Responses »

  1. I sympathise with you so much. I do believe that its possible to feel more comfortable as another sex however that is a matter left open to personal interpretation. I feel that though this may be the case, you are still Allah's creation and it may be that this is Allah's test for u on this dunya. Generally believed is that your thoughts are no sin as long as its not acted out. My advise dear sister is to remain a sister and endure this temporary world. It may be unbearable mentally but Allah surely rewards those who struggle to maintain their deen. May Allah have shower mercy on you and make your journey an easy one Inshallah.

  2. macdre, As-salamu alaykum,

    After reading your post I did a little research. What you are experiencing is apparently called Gender Identity Disorder. I'm sure you know that. The recommended course of treatment is therapy, i.e. counseling. Hormone therapy and surgery are also options, however, identity problems often persist after such treatments. So it seems that they are not good options. Also, as you said, there is the question of whether such treatments are halal. You would have to ask a Muslim scholar about that.

    You did not state your age. This may be relevant, since according to what I read, GID sometimes fades or even disappears as a person gets older.

    In the end I think Aniqah may be right. This may be your trial in life. If you cannot find a treatment, then you may have to remain celibate. That may sound like a prison sentence to some, but it's not necessarily so. Nuns take oaths of celibacy for a lifetime. I know several Muslim sisters who have never married and have remained celibate. They are not happy about it, but they live full lives nevertheless, with work, deen, and friendships. I myself have been single and celibate for stretches of years at a time (right now, four years and counting). It's frustrating, but certainly not unbearable. I stay busy with life and I work toward my goals and dreams, Insha'Allah.

    As far as the issue of gender, since you are chromosomally and physically a woman, you are a woman. But you are free to dress as you like as long as you meet Islamic dress requirements, and to live your life as you choose. You can pursue any career you like, or participate in sports that are traditionally thought of as "male" sports. For example I know of a Muslim sister in the USA who is a powerlifting champion and competes in hijab.

    What I'm saying is, live your life and do your best to enjoy it, and choose a lifestyle that makes you as comfortable as possible while remaining within Islamic guidelines.

    Wael Editor

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