Am I doing something wrong?
As salaam alayikum,
I'm a little upset but don't know if I have the right to be. I was married to a man who was taking advantage of me by using me for money and then he married another wife so I left him cause he couldn't even take care of me so how can he marry another, and he was not being just between us either so I got a divorce.
So after that I was getting to know another brother and he seemed to have his head on pretty good so I was willing to submit to him and be his wife, I'm not gonna use real names but in order for you to follow the story names have to be used... so lets just say I'm so ready to marry Jake and Jake has two other companions we will call them Dale and Thomas.
Ok so, Jake has made plans to leave the country for the sake of Allah to further his studies in this deen alhamdulliah cause this is what really attracted me to him cause he was upon the haqq. Now this is where it gets crazy. He leaves the USA and I tell him "I will be coming there in a couple of months, just let me get things straight here in the states". At the time it's no big deal. We talk from time to time and he is telling me "we are good just keep saving up".
So comes to about a month before I'm about to go there. He sends me an email saying that he knows the shatian is giving me doubts about him. But I never did doubt him at all, so this seemed strange to me. I sent him a email back letting him know that I have no doubt in him at all, that I'm just staying sabr and getting ready for the move. He sends me more emails saying, asking me to make the prayer istikhara about this move and marriage. That kind of caught me off guard. Time was study ticking and he wasn't really calling that much and he was giving me excuses to why.
So, one day his companion Dale calls to see if I can do a favor for him. I let him know it's no problem and he goes on to ask me about the move I'm making with his companion. I tell him that I really haven't talked to him that he tells me he has been really busy. Dale said that's funny cause he calls me everyday, so I was like "ok wow".
As we were talking and he was advising me to start asking more direct questions, Jake calls him, so he is like "he is calling me on the other line right now, I'm going to put you on 3-way cause this is a serious matter - it's not like your moving across the street your moving to another country and thats a major move", so I emailed Jake a direct question as to me and him getting married and he said everything is still cool with us I'm just waiting on a place here and some more bs. So the companion is like "look he is playing, don't go somewhere and he can't give you direct answers". So the companion asks to marry me, I start asking him like how, and why would he want to marry me knowing how I have feelings about his companion.
We talked about it and now he is my husband but he already has a wife so yes I'm the co-wife... Now I am a worker and I'm much older than him and his other wife is young, around his age. He doesn't work and she doesn't either. I'm not rich but I'm not broke either, put it like this if I want something I just go get it.
Now my ex husband called my phone one day telling me how my husband is just using me and a lot of other things. So now everytime my husband asks me for something I want a divorce cause I have these thoughts in my mind. As a matter of fact I had already called a divorce once but made up with him, and from time to time I was thinking about Jake and how I felt like I made the wrong decision. But Jake talked to my husband and he got married to someone right then and there on the phone and said he has been trying to marry the sister for about 4 months but how and you were suppose to be marring me smh but the whole nikah was performed on the phone and I heard it all. I kind of felt some type of way but do I have that right?
Oh yeah, let me step back a little... and when the other companion Thomas found out I divorce Dale he was trying to marry me too, like I don't understand whats going on.
FYI I'm a good sister, everyone loves me but this right here just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong?
cant get right
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Walakuasalam sister,
You had served as free ATM machine for your jobless ex husbands. Your first husband was jobless but at least single when you married him. He brought in another wife latter but your second husband was not only jobless but already married to begin with. I don't know what made you so desperate to marry Dale(2nd husband) when you found out that Jake has lack of interest in marrying you.
These 4 men jake, dale, Thomas and ur first husband are just playing around and trying to use you.
Jake was not serious about marrying you and when you practically decided to move after him he used Dale to stop you.Thomas probably thought about profiting himself via you too.
I think you are a simple minded innocent person and is unable to pick up mischief of these men. Involve your mature family member or friends before making any decision of another marriage or proposal.
I agree with gracias . I think those 2 friends; thomas and dale are trying to use you.
You shouldn't have been getting suspicious when jake asked you to make salat al istikhara.This is because it is sunnah to make istikhara when making any decision, you were about to move to another country and marry someone. You could have made istikhara for both those things and made istikhara before marry dale. In the future, get more info on how to pray it and ask for guidance so that Allah guides you to the best decision in sha Allah.
Another thing is ,
1.You are suspicious of your husbands that they just want you for the money,
2. You are asking for divorce that easy, like breaking up with a boyfriend. Marriage is very very serious and you have to take steps to solve the roots of the problem , bring in elders or scholars, try everything and your best before going for divorce. Please try to humble yourself when angry and think carefully and take advice from others before making decision like you are now on this website, you can get more info and a clearer picture.