Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I over-reacting?


Aslmaylakum all

I was involved in an accident with a head injury. I don't want to go into too much detail but it has affected some of my memory. I still recovering mentally and physically. Thankfully it hasn't destroyed my memory of people in my life.

However I often struggle to remember events that happened. I have been told that I have become reserved and sensitive. Aspects of my personality have changed.

It has mainly affected the relationship I have with my wife. I feel shy to even get changed and say certain things in her presence. I over heard her talking on the phone and crying that she feels like she's married to a stranger.

We haven't been intimate since the accident. There's nothing wrong with me medically in that sense. At the moment the urge is not there. I'm attracted to my wife she's a beautiful woman but it's different. I don't know why, it's something I can't explain. It's like we're getting to know each other again.

She is being very patient with me but I can see she is getting frustrated. I said to her that I will never keep her where she doesn't want to be and all she had to do is tell me if she wants a divorce. She didn't say anything to me.

In addition, my wife had a miscarriage a few months ago. it has been very painful for her and me. She now wants to try for another baby but she is emotionally all over the place. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying - I would stay up to console her.

I don’t believe is a good idea at the moment for her to become pregnant for this reason. Sometimes she has made it feel like its my fault even though I know its her way of dealing with the situation.


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7 Responses »

  1. My brother assalamualaikum, you should read three quls, Sūrah Al-Ikhlāṣ, Sūrah Al-Falaq, Sūrah Al-Nās, on your self and your wife. read Quran to memorize because Quran is medicine for the mind and brain. Get up for tahajjud with your wife and make a lot of dua. Dua made in tahajjud prayer is an arrow that will not miss its target. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

    The Prophet (pbuh) said: “The closest that a servant is to his Lord is when he is in prostration, so supplicate much in it” (Muslim)

    The Prophet (pbuh) taught us that when we are in prostration, we are the closest we can be to God, and thus this is the best place for du’a. The Prophet (pbuh) also told us that we will be recognizable on the Day of Judgment because of the marks of sujood:

    • I completely agree.

      This and time. Maybe even try to find a good Muslim therapist.

      • yeah seeing therapist and reciting quran is also the best way but he should also consider ruqyah for his mental satisfaction. Sometimes there are some spiritual aliments that disturb us.

  2. A problem can be an opportunity. It depends on how you look at it and what you want to do with it.

    Your problem: You've lost your memory so you don't remember her much to love her as you used to. She's still in love with you.

    On the one hand this is pretty bad and she's suffering because she loves you and now you don't feel the same. But on the other hand, the initial 1-2 year honeymoon period runs out for people because they know too much about each other and it's boring to keep talking.

    You can take this problem as a chance of being with her for the first time again and fall in love with her again. Stop talking about divorce, tell her you'd like to get to know her better and that even if you don't remember as much you will be dedicated to knowing her now.

    Take the time to spend one on one time with her and enjoy being with her all over again. She'll be happy with the attention you give her and she will stop seeing this as a big problem inshallah. Good luck.

  3. Look don't let this get in the way.keep all secrets problems to yourself.SHAITAN will use it against you only to make your lives miserable. Beware.My advice stick to reading quran because of the benifits and pray at mosque this will keep you peaceful and stable or else suffer

  4. J.B
    Can you please reply.
    Sorry to hear about your accident. In 2013 you were saying that your wife is very jealous and now this. I think you need to support her more. Why are you asking her if she would like to get divorced ? The way you complain about her being too protectively jealous i can tell that she truely loves you. No doubt.
    Now if you truly love her stop asking her if she wants a divorce . Stop trying to understand her. Just love her and support her. Go on holiday just two of you. Tell her that you deeply love her. Forget the past. Start from the begining. Have a baby. Create a beuatiful family.
    Please listen to her tears and other ways of love. Not just words.
    May God bless you

    P.s are u a scorpio star sign?

    • Assalamualaikum,

      Hi JB,

      I got to this post from your 2013 post about your wife being very jealous. Did the 2013 issue escalated until now? This is already 2016. Please share if you managed to resolve your issue. From this recent post, now you have a memory loss and you are offering her a divorce?

      This does not look good at all. I have the same issue as 2013 but I just want to know how to go about it....truly, the jealousy, if not excessive is permissible in Islam. It is called Gheerah in Arabic meaning "Protective Jealousy".

      I do hope for the best in your marriage, in sha Allah.

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