Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I right in asking divorce?

Aselamu Aleikum ,

I have been married for seven years and we have been having problems with my husband because of my mother in law. To put it briefly, she does get involved heavily in our day to day lives and on the decisions that we make in our home. For this reason we started to have a lot of arguments and tension between us.

Nine months ago I went back home to see my family and on my return things were not the same any more. On the same day he told me that we won't be sleeping together anymore and we will go to a masjid to have a divorce. I cried and cried because I did not know what I've done.

I discussed it with him and said let's not finish our marriage this way
, for him to take his time and think about it. Some friends tried to mediate between us but it did not work. Its been 9 months since he started sleeping in a spare bedroom , we hardly talk each other except to discuss about sharing bills to be paid. He has never supported me financially in any way , as he puts it cause I work full time, but he supports his mother financially to the maximum.

He has not raised the issue of divorce except for the first time i came back from my family. I have started to accept this as my only option. We have not got children as we have been trying for one all along. I am 33 years and I want to have kids and a happy marriage/a loving husband.

I have raised this to him recently , and he said there is no hope for our marriage and that we are just sharing a house but at the same time He doesn't wanna be the one to raise the issue of divorce but he said if that is what I want he is ready when I am ready.

Am I right in asking him to divorce me? I am very confused and don't know where to go to for an Islamic advice. I would very much appreciate it if some one could give me some sort of information.

Jazakum Allah kairun
Your sister in Islam.


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3 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    THIS IS TO REQUEST YOU TO KINDLY EXPLAIN TO YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOUR LIVING WITH HIS MOTHER IS NOT A RULE IN ISLAM AND ALSO INFORM HIM YOU CAN ARRANGE A HOUSE FOR BOTH OF YOU FOR WHICH ALLAH HAS GIFTED YOU WITH THAT RIGHT -WHAT DOES HE THINKG YOU ARE JUST TOY OR SOMETHING SEE THE HIGHLY RESPECTABLE STATUS YOU WANT TO CLOSER TO HIM SHOW HIM THIS COPY-
    Getting married is one of the great Sunnahs of Rasulullaah (SAW). However, it is not just a Sunnah itself, but also that it opens up the door to many others as well. There are many other sunan which only married people can act on, and which single people are deprived of. Below are just a few of them. May Allaah Subahanu Wa ta’ala grant all married people, by virtue of acting on these things, a blissful, loving and lasting relationship; and may He make it easy for all of us singletons to get married, so that we can implement them as well.
    1) Greet her.
    2) Convey Salams to her from others.
    3) Smile at her.
    4) Make dua for her.
    5) Honour her friends, even after her death. Send them food from a sacrifice.
    6) Eat from the same plate.
    7) Drink from the same place where she places her mouth, and eat from the same place where she places her mouth.
    8 ) Put a morsel of food in her mouth.
    9) Let her comb your hair.
    10) Recite Qur’an, while resting your head in her lap.
    11) Take a ghusl with her from a single container.
    12) Teach and advise her in a gentle manner.
    13) Go racing with her and let her win. Later, when she puts on weight, race with her again and beat her.
    14) Call her by an endearing nickname.
    15) Wipe away her tears.
    16) Heed her advice.
    17) Take her with you on long journeys. If you have more than one wife, let them cast lots to decide who gets to go.
    18) Spend time with her in entertainment, and stay with her until she is satisfied.
    19) Let her spend time with her friends.
    20) Give her time to adorn herself before going to her for intimacy.
    21) Do not go to her in the manner of animals.
    22) Make this dua before being intimate with her:
    Bismillah. Allaahumma jannibnash shaitaan, wa jannibish shaitaana maa razaqtanaa.
    23) Wake her up to make salaah at night. REQUEST HER TO COME CLOSER TO ALLAH WITH THE SALAH THE GIFT OF MIRAJ FROM ALLAH TO THE UMMAH-
    Insha Allah ALL WILL BE FINE-http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_rights_summary.htm

    • Assalamu alaykum brother,

      For my problem also I want a islamic advice from you. How to submitt a question to you

      Regards

      Akhila

  2. To be honest...yeah.

    1) Your husband never financially provided for you. His money went solely to his mother. His responsibility is you, also, but he has neglected this repsonsibility which means you have Islamic grounds for divorce.

    2) Your husband clearly doesn't even care about the marriage. He has separated himself from you and told you that it doesn't make a difference to him whether you're married or divorced. In fact, he seems to favor divorce.

    3. You want a family. And that's not going to happen when your husband sleeps in a different bed from you. Also, would you really want kids with a man who will probably let all the responsibilities fall on you?

    I say, let him stay with his wife number 1 (his mother). You're 33 and...let's face it, us girls have a biological clock that is ticking in terms of starting a family. If you wait another 5 years to divorce this guy, you'll be close to 40...

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