Am I too young to marry her? Are we doing anything Haram?
Assalamu alaikum,
Dear readers, I'm seeking help here. To give the backstory, I am from a very small school where everyone knows everyone from junior classes to even the senior-most classes, and everyone is friends with each other.
So in my friend circle, there is this girl that I really like, she is well aware of her Deen and I find her to be very smart, pious, and hardworking. I know that she likes me too and I find that we are very compatible too. I believe in today’s day and age finding someone like that is very difficult.
My parents are aware that I like this girl and I'm pretty sure her parents are aware of me too. They are aware of the fact that we make sure not to do anything haram, so they are okay with it.
She and I have agreed that we will keep our deen a priority, we do not touch each other or anything else that is clearly wrong in Islam (kissing, sitting too close etc). Even when we talk, there are people around and we are never alone together and make sure that we do not talk about anything wrong, its mostly about studies or anything going on in the world currently. We both have pure intentions and do see a future together InshaAllah.
The only concern I have is that my parents may not take me very seriously if I talk about marriage with them right now. They may ask me to focus on getting good grades and getting into a good university. I start university next year InshaAllah and I believe that once I’ve started university and am living on my own, my parents will take me more seriously and I might be able to make this more official with their consent.
But sometimes the thought that I might be doing something wrong still arises in my head, regardless of the fact that I’ve tried to put in maximum effort to make this as Halal as possible like talking to her about how we have to keep our deen a priority and ensuring we do so and making my parents aware of this as well.
Hence I just wanted to ask, am I doing something wrong still? How can I make this better? As I really do see a future with her and want to marry her as soon as I possibly can.
Looking forward to an answer.
Your brother in Islam
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Asalamualaykum Brother,
Islam directs us to stay away from the doubtful. If you are having doubts, then either there is a reason for it or you have OCD, which has been nicknamed the "Doubting Disease!"
Honestly brother, if you are so sure of this girl, sure of her family's approval, and sure that you can resist temptation, then what is holding you back from 1.) Talking to your parents about marriage, and 2.) Cutting off communication with her until you are in a position to marry? If she is the right one for you, she certainly will not leave you in the meantime, and will wait until you are ready. The reason I say this is that while your intentions are good, Allah created us in a certain way and then gave us rules to protect us considering the way in which he made us. You cannot be 100% certain that your relationship with the girl will not become haram at some point. Because of this, I would make it clear to your parents, the girl's parents, and the girl that you want to marry her, and then cut off relations with her until that can happen. You can explain it to her so that she understands, and InshaAllah she will wait for you to be 100% ready.
Best,
Nor
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