Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I ugly?

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Assalamoalaikum wrwb,

ima female married couples of months before, I was so happy with my marriage until I heard those words from my husband mouth!! he told me to undergo a whitening treatment, that was the first time he told me, I was shattered and speechless and I was sick from the other after my wedding. I been told my many that I look v attractive and I was one of the most popular girl of my school!!

lately after undergoing a medical test I got positive test for appendix maybe because of that my eye cycles turned dark!!

he often told me to apply something on my face and body to get white complexion!! Walla I cried a lot!! I told him that this is me and I'm happy with myself he started arguing he told me why do u apply makeup even stop those things.. he told me to take injections for preventing melanin!! I told him that his words are hurting me, he always describe a beauty with fair complexion, he told me I no longer look fair, my complexion got tanned, he told me again n again to apply something, I tired alot to attract him but he never appreciate me infact he told me to take the tan off, I felt so shattered.

Is that okay for a man to hurt a women feelings? I'm done with those critics I don't know what to do.

Sania11

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9 Responses »

  1. AoA.

    Your husband has been outright with you as every husband should be which shows that he is only looking to find peace and love with his wife and no one else.

    Its like you asking him to keep in shape and there is nothing wrong with that.

    Having said that, you do not need to take injections, join a gym and get in shape.

    For a man, marriage is based primarily on a woman's character and her appearance and without either one, the man could lose interest.

    Hope this helps

    AAZA

    • This is a very degrading and inappropriate comment to make. Her husband is telling her to get her face whitened - a bizarre request to say the least. It is not the same thing as going to a gym to get in shape. Honestly, if you have nothing constructive to say, then maybe it is best if you don't say it.

      • Hello.

        Inappropriate?

        Even though I did clearly say ' you do not need to take injections'. Which means that her husband's bizarre requests should be disregarded and that a healthier option should be opted that would relieve her of stress, improve her overall mental and physical health and her confidence i.e. gym.

        Its interesting to see how women gang up on the single male trying to help with constructive advice instead of asking the questioner to 'discuss with her husband' even though she says has done this already.

        I usually don't reply when I see ignorance but I had to this time since this was something beyond that.

        Lastly, not aiming this at anyone, but please do not bring personal biases when giving advice as everyone has had a different experience and what did not work for you may work for others.

        Allah knows best

        AAZA

  2. I have to disagree with the comment. You are not ugly and you should allow your husband to verbally abuse you. Disgusting commment from a man saying it compares to telling a man to get in shape. That is a complete different touch. Beauty and health are two different subjects.

  3. Assalaamualykum Sania11,

    Sister...I hope your day is going better than of late.

    You ask:

    "Is it ok for a man to hurt a woman's feelings?"

    It's not ok for anyone to hurt anyone else's feelings on purpose, but sometimes feelings get hurt unintentionally. I know you have fought for your rights, but have you told your husband outright that he is hurting your feelings by suggesting such things? I would start there.

    May Allah bless you for your efforts at pleasing your husband and bring you relief very soon.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. @OP: lately after undergoing a medical test I got positive test for appendix maybe because of that my eye cycles turned dark!!

    im a female married couples of months before, I was so happy with my marriage until I heard those words from my husband mouth!! he told me to undergo a whitening treatment, that was the first time he told me, I was shattered and speechless and I was sick from the other after my wedding. I been told my many that I look v attractive and I was one of the most popular girl of my school!!

    What is appendix test? What country you live in? I don't think one can change that much in few months as far as beauty is concerned. Your husband may have some insecurities he is trying to hide.Don't get any injections or medicine to change your skin color.

  5. Skin bleaching is haram-
    https://islamqa.info/en/174371
    https://islamqa.info/en/2895

    Although you should not obey him in bleaching you skin since it is haram, you must obey him in what is halal even if you don't like it very much. It's his right over you that you listen to him.

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