I am an Amputee and I am ignored
A disabled Afghan woman
Asalaam-alikum,
I have a query in which I would like advice on.
I had a road traffic accident in my early childhood, which left me with severe injuries resulting an amputation of my lower limb.
However, I now live a fulfilled, content and happy life and wear a prosthesis to continue my daily living . I have no questions to Allah on the calamity that befell on me, I have accepted this as it was the will of Allah (swt).
But recently I have being experiencing some ignorance and prejudice from people around me particularly from Muslim counterparts. It saddens me and has left me to question this now, due to the attitude from Muslim people.
I'm a likable, friendly and kind person with a good heart and make friends easily. But can easily lose friends once people (mainly guys) know of my disability they lose interest and ignore me. When I confront them, of this they say that I'm being crazy and looking for self-pity which infuriates me as this is not the case.
I can't understand their reasons and leaves me confused. I'm a young University educated Muslim female in my 30s, additionally it is also difficult for me in seeking a suitable Muslim marriage partner.
I too aspire to have a family of my own one day. I just want to be accepted in the Muslim community as a normal being but how do I deal with this? Your advice will be really appreciated.
Thank You.
~ Shams30
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sallam
it saddens me how pathetic the behaviour of some men can be! i would not give up on the search for a partner try online? i would not confront people if the reason they ignore you is the amputation as the low lifes would never admit their wrong and would do anything to make themselves look good hence they blame you for self peitying.
you can have a family inshallah have full faith, try also searching in your community ask the mosques, maybe there is a man in a similar situation as you looking for someone to understand him and be with him?
go to Haj or umrah too, i have been last year, it was the most amazing experiance of my life and puts everything into perspective!
Allah hafiz
Salaams,
Thank you for your reply. Your advice was most pleasing and reassuring to read. My primary goal in life is not to seek marriage,but if it happened in the foreseeable future I would carefully consider it with someone compatible. However, I know that I may be limiting myself but I would not seek a partner through on-line due to personal reasons but having said that I will consider the other channels you suggested.
Inshallah please do make dua for me,that I too receive the call from Allah one day for Ummarah and Haj perhaps then I may find the answers I have being searching for 🙂
Thank you for your time in replying to my query.
Elhamdulilah kulli haal first and foremost myself belonging to sadozai ,durrani clan i really feel dishearten and sad to see the situation which you have endured . Surely u will be rewarded for your sabr inshallahu ta`aala .
Indeed pray in tahajjud to get you a muslim who understand the meaning of islam in his life unlike many here who are just literally giving out suggestions, advices,and themselves not submitting there will to allah swt . I really salute the spirit which you carry and the braveness you have ,so dont be dismayed with these guys who are not worth you . despite they have legs they are coward and more helpless then you . As there iman in there hearts are weak .
Allah de paman khor jani. Looking forward to hear from u soon
Asalam-alikum Iman,
Reading your reply brought a smile on my lips 🙂 Your kind words touched my heart and boosted my confidence. It is a pleasure to know that they are people who can genuinely understand my situation.
Inshallah I will take your advice and read Tahajud salat
Thank you so much for your reply
TC 🙂
Ps Also , would be great if anyone on here could enlighten me further on the topic regarding disability. Is being disabled a punishment from Allah? Your views and opinions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks
sallam
just focus on you! like i dont have any physical issues but my marriage proposals never work out! ...its jsut part and parcel of life! i focus on myself and my deen!! and it keeps me content!
inshalah you will go on haj and umrah!!
Allah hafiz
Salaams,
It's unfortunate, but there are a lot of shallow and ignorant people out there...even amongst believers. I have a question for you though: you say that these individuals are losing interest in you once they find out you have a disability. How are they finding out exactly? Are you telling them before you meet with them, and then they stop contact? Or do you hold that information back until they actually see you in person, and they end up finding out in a way that may come as a shock to them?
I'm not saying you're wrong in the way you're going about it. However, I can tell you that if I had a quality that most people seemed uncomfortable about or seemed to disappear after finding out about it, I would go ahead and start telling folks up front about that thing so they can go ahead and take me or leave me right from the beginning. There are plenty of men who probably wouldn't bat an eyelash about their lady having a prosthesis, but I wouldn't want to waste any time on the others who can't handle it.
Honestly, I think you are better off when this happens in the long run. It's better to have people cut their ties with you if they really can't move past that feature, than try to play pretend to themselves and you that they are OK with it and have a strained or fake relationship out of politeness or even pity. You want friends and a future husband who really loves you and accepts you just as you are, and who doesn't have to force themselves to feel genuine affection for you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wasalaams,
Indeed from my personal experiences I have learnt that most people can purposely be shallow and ignorant to social issues around them . If only mankind was more kind and caring, then there would be no prejudice in the world. In reality it exists and we have to climb mountains to challenge this stigma. Particularly, as we live in a society where media dominates the image of women to a man's eye. It could be said that been fat, short or even if your skin colour is not right, or if you wear a hijab or not being in the in crowd can be seen as a disability too? If it does not please one it does not please another and peoples opinions carry great weight. But this does not deter me from living my life according to sunnah as Allah's compassion is all I need that gets me through life.
To answer your question, I do not disclose my disability to people upon meeting them and nor does it be the topic which arises in initial conversations. My prosthesis is not visible in any way to attract noticeable attention as its very expensive life like one. Most new friends perhaps might come to know later of my disability from mutual long standing friends or other people.
I come from a stable and loving background in where girls as well as boys were taught to be dignified and to respect and conduct themselves in every day social life according to the laws of Islam and education was the forefront of our lives. I am blessed to have wonderful parents who live in a modern western society ,who did not lose their identities to raise,teach and guide their children the Islamic way of life can co-exist in western society harmoniously. So I was born and brought up in without straying into immoral ways!
Just to give you an insight to my background for you to understand my situation a little clearer.. I think my issue is rather culturally centered rather than religiously as my parents are of Pakistani heritage. And I find the prejudice towards my disability comes from people from the Indian sub-continent who happen to be Muslims. However, from my experience I have found very little or no prejudice from my white friends, infact they have being very encouraging and supportive and non prejudice towards my disability.
I will take on board your advice and try to implement it in future situations that may arise. Thank you so much and I really appreciated you taking your time out for me to answer my query. Thank you once again. 🙂
Why are you in these situations yourself, why don't you seek the help of your parents/family/elder cousins etc to help you find a spouse. I don't want to sound rude, are you in conversations like this without your Wali/Mahram?
more than 75% of men ot there wouldn't mind any disabilities women have, at least 25% would look at character purely, however it seems you're meeting the wrong men, which is where your family can help and your extended family friends.
sallam brother
i agree her parents should help, but maybe htey ahve, its not easy finding someoen suitable! secondly its not true that men look at the womans character!! men want a pretty wife to show off, unfortunitly its reality and very few men are good and islamic and really care!!
ita hard to find a good muslim man, i get ristay and men think just becuase they came and asked for a ristah its a fre pass to spend unislamic time with me, which i dont agree with so the rishtay never work out!
in these matter you jsut have to be patient and have full faith in God ameen!
Allah hafiz
Hi, I'm an American revert... I'm sure you wouldn't have a hard time finding an American man to marry? We tend to be less shallow and love for us is based more on compatability and connection rather than going through a middle eastern or indian "resume' marriage". You know what I mean. You are your own person, grab life by the horns and go find someone that will love you for you! take care
Please visit alzawaj4disabled.com new matrimonial website for those with disabilities and health conditions!
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