Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Anal Sex with a woman other than your wife

Book about major sins in Islam by M.I Siddiqui

I had a Nikkah few months before but still I am not married to my wife as my marriage ceremony will be in few month. Actually I had by mistake anal sex with a women who is not my wife i.e. One of my girlfriend. Does this has any impact on my nikkah which i am already had? I feel very ashamed but don't know what the implication of my this act on my nikkah. Need guidance. I feel very ashamed after doing this.


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21 Responses »

  1. ... There are so many things going wrong here that I'm not sure where to begin. I find it difficult to understand how you could have had anal sex with a woman other than your wife, by mistake...

    1) Anal sex is haram. That's pretty clear in Islamic teaching. So regardless of who it's with, that's an exit, not an entrance.

    2) Having girlfriends is haram. Show some respect for Islam, for your wife and for yourself, and stop having premarital relationships.

    3) Having sex with women other that your wife is haram. It also puts you (and your wife) at risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

    Cheating on your wife is a horrible thing to do, and you should feel ashamed. You need to offer sincere repentance to Allah, and get checked in case you've picked up any diseases (if you have, get treatment and then get re-checked to make sure the treatment has been successful). Break off these haram premarital relationships. From now on, make sure that you only have sex with your wife, and only in appropriate ways.

    Midnightmoon editor

  2. I'm glad you feel ashamed, at least you feel some remorse for your behaviour. I agree with evrything said above, and definetly get checked out for stds. I actually feel really sorry for your wife, she's being cheated on just a few months after the nikkah. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way, you need to sort yourself out. Repent sincerely and break off contact with people who motivate you to commit Zina or other haram acts! You have a wife, focus on her and build a relationship with her rather than focussing on other trashy women for Zina! I actually don't understand people who cheat despite having a perfectly good spouse, there's no excuses!!!

    • I agree. If "one of your girlfriend" is so important to have sex with her, then marry her and stop cheating on the good woman you are engaged to! Cheaters only deserve cheaters, zina makers only deserve other zina makers. Stop all this girlfriend nonsense. Repent sincerely and think what kind of a person you are versus what you want to be..

  3. Start reading the Quran with translation.

    Allah says don't even go near zina

    keyword "near" Since you have more then breached that keyword, all you can do now is repent.

  4. Assalam walekum,

    Bhai Bucks, appreciate your suggestion of asking him to keep himself away from people who encourage sins, but request you not to use such bad words to either woman or man, and get urself into sin , coz there are guys who are showing fake links of private nikah and making the women to agree for nikah and getting them into fake relationships despite being engaged to someone else . I do agree, that either its man or woman, should be careful and know the right things and then get into right halal relationships and if its happened by mistake or uncontrollable desires, repent to Allah (swt) and get into right path soon .

    Jazakh Allah khair

    • Rehu . What are you talking about ? I haven't used any bad words, and I'm not sure what you mean by engagement ??? The brother is married not engaged!! It's difficult to understand what your saying.

      Or perhaps your referring to 'trashy' - in that case I agree with you. It was wrong of me to judge, so I apologise for that but stand by evrything else I've said.

  5. Am so DISGUSTED with you i don't even know where to begin...shame! Though anal sex is haram in islam, why did u hv to do it with ur girlfriend why not ur wife rather? I feel sorry for ur wife b/c she has no idea what she has gotten herself into or the kind of man she has just signed the rest of her life to. You claim to be ashamed of ur actions, but u weren't ashamed when (u went behind ur spouse's back) the act was taking place, but now u r ashamed? Smh, i don't believe u one bit. Tell ur wife! Had it been the other way around & she did it to u i believe w/out a shadow of a doubt that b/4 one could've even blinked his/her eyes u would've divorced your wife talak, not even 1 but 3 divorces, but not w/out letting ur family, her family & the whole world know what she did in a disgraceful manner of course (isn't tht how u men are anyway?). What you did is NOT love! You married her a few months ago only to cheat on her with ur ex; she is called: EX FOR A REASON, u r supposed to move Forward NOT Backwards !!

  6. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Brother,

    Alhumdulillah that you realized your mistake. Alhumdulillah that you have taken a step towards improvement and have rejected the evil way that you were headed towards. May Allah swt keep you under His protection and may you never forget the realization that you have come to.

    You have written that have had Nikaah, but that you have not had a marriage ceremony. You are in fact MARRIED even if both you and your wife have yet to have a ceremony. You are a married man.

    It seems that your understanding of Islam is heavily influenced by your culture--as I determined from your first statement, as this is usually what people say when have Nikaah and later have what is called "Ruksati." I think that you would do yourself a huge favour if you started to read the Quran with meaning and start to regularly listen to Islamic lectures--even if it be from a reputable Scholar on the Internet. You must start somewhere.

    It is a good sign that you feel guilt and that you have reached out. The worse case scenario would be if you carried on in your ways and did nothing about the evilness that you have delved into.

    I suggest that first and foremost that you cry your eyes out to Allah swt to forgive you and I pray that Allah swt forgives you and that you remain steadfast from now on, Ameen.
    You must also go to a doctor and ensure that you did not contract any sexually transmitted diseases/infections.
    I do not think that you should tell your wife. You should carry the burden of this sin upon your own soul and live with that guilt so that it becomes a weapon against any of your sinful desires. The guilt you feel should serve a purpose--to help you feel humility and to remind you of the weakness that is a part of you.
    Do not engage in any talk with women as you are their non-mehram. If you are working in a mixed environment, work on strategies to keep business business and do not go out with females.

    I hope you realize the gravity of your sin and use that as your way of finding your footing once more. Remember that your forgiveness is in the hands of Allah swt so turn to Him again again and again.

    May Allah swt guide us all, Ameen.

  7. OP: You should tell your wife "by mistake you had anal sex with one of your girlfriend". She will be lot more hurt if she finds about it later on.

    How many girl friends you have?

  8. What you did was no excuse. You are remorseful and appreciate your good woman. Repent love and show respect to your wife. CUT all contact with other women its haraam.

  9. How exactly did you have sex "by mistake"?

    You do realize that you commited adultery, the most heinous sin in islam. You wife does not deserve this. Please give her the option of divorce. She deserves a clean person. Have you been tested for diseases?

  10. i think you should tell your wife, how disrespectful you can be. i am sure she will ask for divorce.

  11. may Allah protect us from devil,man that was Not mistake you decided to follow your desire devil plus you soul ganged up to make you do that its good you are ashamed of what you did.ask for repentance sincerely cry in tahajud and pray hard and i repeat REPENT this is a grave sin go back to QURAN READ AND PONDER EACH AND EVERY AYAH .and dont tell your wife this.
    may Allah forgive you and guide you

    • Why shouldn't he tekl his wife about this???if you was in her shoes wouldn't you want to know??? She should have the option to divorce!!! Other than that it's dangerous for her health, he might have infected her with sexually transmitted diseases!!!

      • He should not tell her because it would hurt her and would almost certainly destroy the marriage.

        You are correct that he should make tawbah, cut off his relationship with the girlfriend, and get tested for STDs.

        However, there is no possible benefit in telling the wife.

        Wael Editor

  12. How did you have anal sex by mistake?!!! Anal sex is haram.having a girlfriend is also haram. You are married and you already cheated on your should tell her that you had anal sex with your girlfriend, so she can insh'Allah remove herself from . You both also need to get tested of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. You should be ashamed of what you have done and ask Allah swt for forgiveness.

  13. You are not supposed to have girlfriends. And if you have had one during your wife in present then that makes question in your mind if you wife is important to you at all. you need to ask for forgiveness from Allah. They say you shouldn't tell these things to your partner and I am not going to say what you should do but you have made it difficult upon yourself with your own decisions. You have put your relationship already in danger with this.

  14. Mistake?? LOL...

    Did she sit on you unintentionally while you were unaware of your erection? Just curious ............

    • No need to mock the man. He's already ashamed.

      Wael Editor

    • My dear brothers and sisters. It’s funny how some of us are sitting here mocking this guy. What has Allah ordered us to do. Hide the sinsof your brother and I will hide your sins of the day of judgment. This guy has the guilt within him. We should not mock him and make him run away from repentance. We should indeed be encouraging him to read the Quran and repent sincerely. Allah is the one to forgive not us. We should under no circumstance be mocking this guy. If he’s posted this out asking for our help he has realised what he has done and wants a way out. If we mock him and he does not repent and continues his ways then we shall be a part of his sins because he came for help and we dissed him making him feel even more worse than he already is feeling. Allah says himself. Do sins that reach the sky and then jus once say sincerely ya Allah forgive me and I shall forgive him. At the time of Moses qaroon did the most evil thing done to a prophet in the history of Islam yet Allah said if qaroon had asked Allah to pull him out the ground Allah would have done so. But qaroon asked Moses instead of Allah. If Allah can do that for qaroon then we are the nation of the most best man that walked on this earth and he is Muhammad peace be upon him. So brother. Repent and indeed Allah will forgive u no doubt. Condition is u never do it again. Sincere repentance brother. Read the Quran. Allah still loves u and this maybe a turning point in your life. If Allah has kept this act of yours between him and you then keep it that way. Treat your wife well and love her.

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