Islamic marriage advice and family advice

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you”

Whispers in the night

Ever since I was 11 I dreamed of doing medicine. At first I thought it was a choice, you just had to pick a career and move on. But soon I realised that biology was my forte... probably the only thing I could handle and enjoy at the same time... even though I tried so hard to be good at math. The subject required me to push myself to my limits, to work a 100 times harder than the others. It was too much. I was the best in my class overall.

But after doing my part 1 exams I lost it when I 'just passed' in one of the subjects. It was unbelievable. I knew that there was something wrong but I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know why Allah had done this with me for now everyone thought it was my fault when I knew I had done a good exam. I just knew it. I had spent a year with utmost patience and strong faith in Allah, though everyone just considered me in the bottom now and didn't expect much from me.

I worked my hardest and prayed to Allah profusely and Alhumdulillah ended up with really good marks. At that moment I truly realised Allahs power and from then on I would always advise people to never give up, and I used to take pride in telling them my experience.

I got a scholarship on merit. But again I fell short in 1 subject despite working very hard and I lost my scholarship. What made me sad was losing the scholarship part because then my parents had to pay large amounts.

Next year I again worked hard and trusted Allah for I had gone through this before and had faith in him... and alhumdulilah I got a good result.

Now I had to give my entrance exams for medical school. Everything was relying on this test... my 12 years of hardwork... my dream. My family told me that a doctor did not have a life of their own and that they would always have to put other's concerns before them. That they had to study their whole life and that I'd become old and undesirable after all those years of struggle and then it would become difficult to find a husband. But all that didn't matter to me. All I wanted was to be given a chance to help those in need, and for once think about others rather than myself, do something for my country and free myself of all material things... and become a good Muslim too. It was like a spiritual goal rather than a worldly one. Most people go for a career in which there is less work and more salary so that they can live comfortable lives. I didnt care about salary or anything, I just wanted to become a doctor. I never wanted anything more...

I wasn't able to perform my best in that test... unable to complete it. Then it was over... My only chance of becoming a doctor was to get high marks on merit so that I could get into a local university where the fees is less and we could afford it but it was over.

On the other hand I got admission in architecture and my parents can afford that, but I never wanted to do it, it was just a coincidence that I got in, I had done no hardwork for that test. And now I'm leaving home for 5 years to do something I don't want. My grades, all that struggle gone to waste! And when I return, I'll probably get married. All I wanted was to help people. For people to respect me. To stand up on my own feet. And not put all my burdens on a husband. To not be at his command just because I'm a housewife. Nowadays you can't even trust anyone, you don't even know what can happen - your husband doesn't give you money or decides whether you will do a job or not, God forbid he leaves you.. then what? I'll be alone. Who is going to support my old parents? I have no brother.

I have been given the choice of giving the test again next year and start my program till then. What should I do? Give it another attempt? What if God doesn't want me to become a doctor no matter what I do.. if it's just not in my fate.. what then.. maybe I have done something wrong and this is my punishment?

My entire struggle has been a consistent pattern of series of successes and failures. I had this idea in my heart that now is a time to fall again and I really did - that is exactly what happened.

They say chase your dreams. They say you decide your future. But our fate is already written down isn't it? Why make a decision? Why have goals? Why dream? When they will always be a fantasy...

Should I do istikhara? Whenever I do it, I don't see any dream at all or not even a clear dream. What if I'm afraid to do it - afraid to see in my dream that I shouldn't become a doctor?

I can't even afford to go into a private medical college and I envy my peers who don't have very good grades and their parents will pay for them and they will become doctors. And I envy those peers who are getting to go in their desired fields of interest. I just can't help myself but I feel useless now. Please tell me what to do... please help.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam Sister
    i tell you a story of my sister, she was as motivated and as mad as you are right now abt becoming a doctor, But she couldnt somehow get into a Med School.. But trust me there are always good alternates planned by Allah..

    she gave Add maths Paper by merely studying 3 to 4 weeks both books of Maths 11th and 12th standard. she got reasonable marks in it.. she started aplying for engineering colleges.. fortunately got Admission in one of the best colleges having highest Merit engineering disciplines..

    So sister dont loose hope.. go for a good maths home tution and give a ppr of Add maths, even if you get admission in private engineering college still your parents can afford a fee as compared to a private med school fee. ..

    If you coudnt be a Doc , you can be an engineer.. DONT LOOSE HOPE
    This life is not perfect.. Keep your spirits high..

  2. istikhara isnt dependent on dreams , read the link at the top of this webpage on how istikhara works

  3. You should write the test again and give it another try. Otherwise, you will always be wondering if you lost an opportunity.

    If that doesn't work, then it is time to create a new dream for yourself. Not everyone gets what they want in life. You lose out on a dream, so you create another one. It is very possible, you just have to be open to it.

  4. Dreams and goals... one after the other and that is what life will be like always.

    I too suggest that you retake medical entrance test and this time believe with all your heart in your dream and do not entertain thoughts of ''now is a time to fall again". With competitive exams, one needs to give their best shot and leave no stone unturned in preparation and that includes having positive thoughts.

    Life is definitely a series of successes and failures and while some of your peers might seem to have it easy on the outset, each one of us have our own set of struggles. Learn to cherish your own life, the people in it and your own self. You have been blessed with spirit and resilience which a lot of others do not have.

    Marriage is not about money or being at somebody's command. It is about companionship; am sure you will have a clearer view of it with time.

    I realize that you have a passion as well as aptitude for medicine; however, there is more to it than just respect and service. It is a whole lot of a balancing act. The respect that you are thinking about is just a societal status. People become aggressive as patients/ attendants and tend to forget that life and cure and miracles are in the hands of Allah, not doctor. At the same time, medicine has become commercialized and doctors are more becoming service providers, patients are becoming clients and in between them is a whole lot of money as well as not so fair ways of earning more money like advising unnecessary medicines/procedures/ lab tests. The reason I am pointing this out to you is not to discourage you, but to show you an inside picture. Because a few years down the line, you will join the earning brigade and then realize that not everything in life is black and white. There are shades of grey everywhere.
    At the same time, I can think of no other field where you have worked hard, done your best for a patient and then seen the joy of them recovering and going home; with a smile and lots of duas for you. And do not worry, there is always that odd relative/ parent who will still thank you for having done the best for their patient even if the results are not so good. There is no replacement for those duas.

    So my dear sister, work hard, pray hard, believe in Allah and yourself too and May Allah take you to the path that is best for you.
    And as it is said if Allah gives you what you wanted, be happy and if He does not, be even more happy and content because He chose the best for you.


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