Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Angry parents

lonely man in the rain

Salam ....

I have married against my parents ... Actually my parents are in pressure of my elder brothers and sisters - they are very rich and running whole family .. My parents always asked me for time but never refused but my brother kicked me out from my house and family and never my parents again allow me to enter the house ...

Then I got married to the girl I love. It has been 9 years we have childrens and we are very happy. She is a perfect muslim wife and I'm very happy alhamdullilah.

In past these years I always tried to convince my parents, even my wife tried alot but now my parents and brother think that I'm after their money and that's why I'm trying to meet them. There is nothing like that - I have a very good business but they are not getting convinced by any thing ... They don't pick up my calls. I live in Canada and I go every year to my parents but they never open the door for me. They say go to brothers and if they forgive you then come to us. Then I go to my brothers they always insulted me ...

My parents have never met my wife and childrens, my wife always try to talk to them but they say that now I'm nothing for them ... They also don't involve me in my younger sisters and brother wedding.

I'm very upset, what can I do? I only want that my Allah must be happy with me, my Allah knows I have tried alot, now I think I'm tired. Please help me.

Ali. imran

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3 Responses »

  1. That's very harsh behaviour. I know it's difficult but perhaps just let them be. Become silent and give them time to reflect. you have nothing to feel guilty about, whatever happened in the past it seems you have tried your best to make amends but they are not willing to move on. Give them their space and time, im sure your parents hearts will soften inshallah and they will begin to miss you if they don't hear from you. Pray to Allah swt.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    I know how hard this can be and to be really frank with you, I admire your courage because I couldn't do the things that you have already tried. BUT, since you have a lot of courage, I suggest that you keep on trying to do the things to meet with them--perhaps you may bring change in them that they or you never imagined.

    Sometimes we are preoccupied with the outcome of our efforts we put less effort--but some of our efforts we will not see the results of in our lifetime...

    I hope the following helps you:

    “I do not worry about an answer to my supplication, rather I worry about making supplication! I know that if I am inspired [by Allah] to supplicate, then the answer will come with it.”
    - Umar AlKhattab رضي الله عنه.

    Do not be upset with your family's reaction as they are responsible for it, instead, make du'a for them and for yourself and let nothing yield your efforts for He watches over all things. Also, do not feel guilty--put your full trust in Allah swt that your efforts will never go to waste and just keep on doing your best--Maa shaa Allah, I learnt a lot from you post. May Allah swt ease your difficulties and bestow His many blessings on your family, Ameen

  3. Hi brother,

    I am actually a Christian woman who is dating a Muslim man. We both know it is Haram to date in Islam but it is acceptable in my religion culture, as long as there is no sex kissing and affection and my brothers are present. I hold strong values to as a woman of God whom I put before myself and my daughter. I was married before but I am now a widow. I prayed to God to help heal my broken heart by his death and found out he has another child also. I do pray and fast for our union as a man and wife. My family finally accepted him,even though he is Muslim and a different culture. But my parents are loving and humble. However not all is agreed as I am from a wealthy family too.. However, we are taught that once you have implanted the seeds of Gods doctrine in your children's heart then waht ever else is done by them is their own accountability..

    What I am trying to say! Is that your choice to marry is Gods consent. Your parents my push aside their wants and desires for. Your needs and wants for your choices are the tools to understand what is right from wrong. U honored ur parents by marrying, and doing the things that are right. What upsets me is that in the Quran and the bible talks about forgiveness. Your parents must pray and consent with God about how you have hurt them, when u have not! And that how can they ask for Gods grace if they can not offer it themselves. To me I find it double standard whether it be cultural or religious.. God is simple and speaks plainly, Forgiveness is the key to happiness and relief from the pains of hurt and depression. Something only The Lord chastens.As for your siblings they to must forgive.. What they need to get is ur forgiveness for their stiffneckedness. Happiness will only be temporary until they need you.. It is the way The Lord works because we humans turn to the flesh for understanding and not Gods understanding ( known as rationalizing)..

    On the hind side, I was always taught compassion, something that The messiah has shown us. Coz charity is the true love of God. You still humbled yourself to God and to your parents an that is the true act of honoring ur parents. On their end ( please I do not intend to offend) they will be judged for the abandonment of their child/ren because of their own needs and not urs.. As far as I know ur children are ur responsibility and the moment u leave them that shows that u have failed ur position. Cz no matter what never turn ur back to ur children cz when that last moment comes u will regret it and it will continue with I till judgement because I did not want to forgive ur own.

    In conclusion I honor ur heart and humility towards ur family, The Lord is recording that as apart of ur compassion to ur parents and others, thas why u are blessed with a family and successes. So don't forget that... I believe he made u to walk this journey coz he knows u can handle it. God gives u what u can handle and when u stand up with humility love and compassion with God as ur light, he will compensate and remember in Gods TIME not ours.. Be strong my brother God has a bigger and better plan for u, keep him close to and don't forget without God nothing is impossible. I am going through a trialing time with my relationship we want to marry but it is his parents. I am wealthy, own all what I have got and am a woman of God virtuous and loving, as well as a mother. I am blessed that afta a hard and voilent marriage I have been compensated by a humble and God loving Muslim man who reminds me of my Grandfather who is worthy and faithful to his religion and family..paitence is not my virtue but I have leant that God deals with things in his time.. And now I am reaping the rewards 6yrs later since being a widow. And now I am blessed by a man who loves me and my daughter..

    I hope and pray it works out.. Time will tell keep up ur efforts... And turn to God for peace..

    May Allah bless you

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