Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Answers please on secret marriage


Salaam Brothers and sister's

I would desperately like to know what Islam says about continuing a secret marriage due to family circumstances and disapproval

I am a Pakistani woman 28 years of age and I met an English man (non muslim) couple of years ago. We both fell in love not realising the stress we would have to face being in an interracial relationship. We both knew we were right for each other he reverted to a Muslim and we both had a secret Nikah without parents present or their consent. ( I did inform my mother a week before my Nikah). I know in Islam a Nikah is not valid without a wali present but I am a mature woman and have been married before in past and this is my second marriage so was told by the imam that my nikah is valid without parents consent as Islam accepts me marrying a Muslim man.

I informed my parents about my nikah and have been married for few months now. They did not and will never accept it, this lead me to move back in with them and due to the distress I gave up trying to convince them and this lead onto never mentioning it again as I realised they are not happy and very hurt. I mentioned to my mother at the time I will not divorce since according to Islam I have done everything the right way. A few months have passed and My family have now automatically assumed I have no link or communication with my husband since I have been living with parents for the last few months and have not had the strength to go down the road of trying to get them to accept a marriage they never will. My family had no good enough reason to not accept my nikah. Their only reasons have been he is 'white' and what will society say. They quickly tried to brush everything under carpet once I came back home.

I am still secretly meeting my husband, he is aware of my situation but we both find it very difficult to end this. We both have some financial issues to sort out too. This secret marriage now has put me in a position where I am having to lie to my parents just to go meet my husband. I am not sure how long we can keep this going for but I think I have mentally accepted we will have to separate ways one day and that is inevitable.

Please brothers and sisters give me some guidance and advice on the very difficult situation I am in. Is it okay for me to lie to my parents just to see my husband as we are in the state of Nikah.


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4 Responses »

  1. Wallaykumassalaam Shakila75,

    You say:

    "I am not sure how long we can keep this going for but I think I have mentally accepted we will have to separate ways one day and that is inevitable."

    If you have mentally accepted that you will have to separate ways, then you shouldn't need to exert any effort to keep things going. Rather, you need to exert effort to end things, at least until a better understanding can be reached among all parties.

    May Allah grant you ease,



  2. Walikumsalaam,

    Sister why u talking like this?? U married to that man and hes ur husabnd now why u want to end this marriege becaz of ur perents selfish thinking and behiving?? U need to stand up for ur self and learn how to take resposiblity of the marrieg u did. Why didnt u think about ur perents before??? now after giving tht man hops and being married to him ur thinking about ur perents.???

    I would say leave ur perents and live with ur husband. After some time they will eventualy eccept ur marriege. Dont be the kinda of woman who is easly to be blackmailed and minapalit by perents or other people. U dont have to meet ur husband secretly u have full rights to meet him n live with him. Why u ruining ur life and that man'slife for no such a big reason.

    Ur perents need to learn how to follow islam properly. They cant just ignor ur happyness n ur marriege life just for some cultural n socity reasons.

    Do not leave ur husband just for ur perents silly reasons of rejaction u will regrat it.

  3. I think wali is still required even if a woman is divorced before .please check this with authentic sources .

  4. Agree with Broken_Hearted,

    All these cultural norms diluting the islamic principles should be oppsed vehemently.

    Your husband has rights over you - know that a woman cannot meet her parents against her husband's permission. - that is another extreme, just asking you to look how high a status islam holds for any husband.

    Don't ruin your life just because your parents are not able to get out of the cultural taboos to accept your happiness in a Muslim husband.

    Whatever your issues are - financial and others, sort them and go and live with him openly. One day your parents WILL understand that they are wrong.

    Best wishes.

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