IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Assalamaulaikum. I am 18 years old. Since I have become legal, i have been deeply involved in thoughts about future and partner etc etc. In the past, i have been physical with a man because I really loved him. I do realise about my sins every once and then, and I do honestly admit that i am a bigger sinner than my partner is. I fell in love with him and it was me who started contacting him. Being so indulged in our sensuos desires, we got physical with one another.In my complete senses I was aware that whatever i was doing was a major sin and inappropriate.But also, I did not want to hurt his feelings. After sometime, i realised that i should get away from him and I finished access to everything that kept me in contact with him. After a really long time, we conversed each other due to which i got to know that he still has feelings for me despite our distant stations and long time i.e. 3-4 years. But again now i have finished my access to everything that keeps me in contact with him. And now i would never talk to him again, that i have promised to myself. However, still my mind is stuck in thoughts of my future with him as my gentleman. And i can't get over it. My question is that, it is inappropriate or sinful to dream about someone you love as your future husband? I did repent for my major sins and i still do whenever i recall them. But sincerely, i would stay away from him, nonetheless, for my future, my heart really wants him. Is it sinful or inappropriate?

Hafsah