Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am an Arab Muslimah & want to marry a Black Muslim man

muslim woman in hijabI am muslim arabic girl and I had fallen in love with black muslim guy and I want to get married with him but my mother doesnt want to accept.

She is always telling me that I will regret this decision later but I really love him and everybody against me and making fun of me.

What should I do?

I dont want to lose him.

- yasmine

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40 Responses »

  1. Salaams Yasmine,

    From the way you have written, are you implying that your mother may well be against black people? Why will you come to regret this? And what exactly are people making fun of? Has she given you a thorough explanation?

    However at the same time, how is it that you have come to fall in love? This usually comes about through free mixing and haraam social interaction. Thus if your mother was against it for this reason, then I would agree with her decision not to accept the arrangement.

    In this day and age, it is hard for most Muslims to sustain a marriage, due to making wrong choices through lack of Islamic knowledge and being strongly influenced by un-Islamic culture. It is better to obtain your parents blessings for your marriage. Family is important and if your marriage was to fail, where would that leave you? How would you get through things without a family to help pick you up after such heartache?

    Wanting to marry someone because you are in love is not a good enough reason for marriage. Love does not conquer all and there are other more important factors to consider. Is this guy a practising Muslim? Is he of good character, can you both communicate effectively and have common goals and shared interests? Falling in love outside of a marriage is really being driven by lust and being under the influence of the shaytaan. I believe one should only grow to love another within the confines of marriage. Where you will live together and share a life. That is when you really get to know a person. A lot of people are simply in love with the idea of being in love.

    Thus maybe your mother knows best.

    You should have a read of similar posts to yours and on the outcomes that can happen in these cases. If you look at other peoples examples, you will have learnt without getting burnt.



    • That's a pretty inconsiderate advise you gave.

    • Islam is religion of equality. In our religion a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Tell that your mother. Its words of our prophet. Our Allah created us as white, black etc.. but everybody is the equal. Your mother should know that and Im sure she will understand. You are muslim alhamdulillah and your guy too. There is no problem. Relax. If your guy were not a Muslim problem could have been. Speak with your mother with surah in Kuran. Dont worry you wont feel ragret because you love him. No ragret in love. İnshaAllah you and your guy will be happy.

    • That's a bunch of silliness. If you've found a love in a another person from a different race so be it . Don't live for your mother, live and love for you. God makes no mistakes in anything. .

    • truly said .

  2. Salamualaikum sister,
    There is nuthin wrng with marrying someone, who might share a different skin color then urs.
    Ur mum said u will regret this decision. Regret the fact u married a black man? Or is there more to the story.?!
    I will advise u to not go against ur parents wishes.
    As sister Hopeful said, just in case God forgives, something happens, u need someone to rely on.
    Getting Divorces these days are like piece of cake.
    Peoples use each others and then find someone else. Not all but some do.
    50% of. marriages don't last!!! Recent survey shows.
    So please do not go against ur parents.
    Have ur parents meet him and talk to him.
    If they still dont like him, please try to move on.
    U can find men and women's left and right. U can't find parents thou.
    If its meant to b Inshallah it shall happen, no one can stop it.
    Thnk about this again, keep ur emotions separate.
    Good luck to you.

  3. As Salam Alaikum

    Sister as I read your statement I feel that you can love someone in advance be for marriage. Allah know your heart better than any human. You should set nd talk with mother more and bring the Imam in if needed.As for Hopeful & BeAl I don't fully agree with your satement. I came to Islam in 1995 and went to Hajj and 1997. As i went there my eyes and mind were opened a whole lot. It was good to see the different skinned color muslim and muslimah there. What hurt my hurt still today in 2010 is the ignorance we still carry. For who is better at coloring then Allah(swt). Where in the Qur'an or the Sunnah does it read that and Arab woman shall not marry a (BLACK MAN). But the Arab man can marry a black / white, etc. woman. In case you want to know yes I'm a black man.
    Here in America I ask the the muslim non black/white for help with a wife, and they laugh or say make du'a brother. That the nice way of saying you can't marry our women, but we can marry yours. This hurts my heart very deeply, as I work very hard and own my home. It make still think that the black man has it very hard with all people muslim and non. So sister if he is real and on the deen strong, have your family open their eyes also. On the divorce topic that is no true for all how many muslim were surveyed? I am a divorce muslim, but she left me, and told me i needed a muslimah in my life. She didn't pray, fast, attend Jummah. But i fought hard to save marriage. She said we grew apart, and she was right, and she was a muslim since 2000. But she wanted the wordly life and I did not. So if my being a black muslim man bothers you then then you are just as worse as the non-believer. I am so tired of having a label put on me as a black man!!!!!!!!! We are not all bad men, some Arabs & muslim men from different countries are worse then us................

    Abdur Rahim

    • Salaams,

      I cannot make sense of your response. No one said anything against anyone marrying a black person. The only thing I said in my response was to query whether the mother was against it for this reason.

      In my response I have discussed whether the sisters love for this man may have arisen out of inappropriate interaction, which is not permitted in Islam. Yes one can love another in advance of marriage but how does that love come about? Through by behaving in a non-Islamic way. Why is it not right Islamically? Because if one starts to develop love for another it's through inappropriate mixing. Or even if they have had no contact, for a person to observe another and develop 'love' through looking at them in a desirous way. This is a form of zina.

      Also it is important to seek her mothers approval and for her to review whether the man is right in deen and character.

      In Islam, one's skin colour is not a factor. No one said anything against the sister marrying a black man. Thus stpo being over-sensitive for no reason.

      • would you give your daughter a black muslim man who practices everydody?

        • If he believes in Allah,the prophets,the books and practices the message that has been conveyed to him by Allah SWT and his beloved messenger Muhammed SAW ( i.e following The Quran and the hadith) i surely will give him even if he is Chinese nor shall I give my daughter to any other race if they do not follow any of the above mentioned

        • In many cultures preference is given to cousins as outsiders are not trusted. Many of these cousin marriages are also against wishes of the girl and end up in divorces or life long unhappiness. Parents should look for the best educated, religious man with a good earning potential outside their families. Most of the time women stay in unhappy marriages because of kids and no sources of money to live independently.

          Race is an important consideration. Arabs rarely give their daughters to non-Arabs like Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis and Africans.

          Muslim men are free to marry out of race. Majority of Muslim men will prefer a White woman or a black woman. Some of these marriages are to get citizenships in foreign countries

      • Book 8, Number 3314:
        Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: I was in the company of Allah's Messenger (way peace be upan him) when there came a man and informed him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar.Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Did you cast a glance at her?He said: No. He said: Go and cast a glance at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.

    • I totaly agree with you brother!!! People should never be judged by skin or race rather character wise.Its so
      painful blacks are always in the unlucky side since they can't marry Arab women though their men can marry black women. SO UNFAIR that girl should ELOPE!!!

  4. Salamualaikum brother Abdur Rahim,
    Am sorry but I don't not understand what part of our statement did u not agree with?

  5. Let me tell you a story first. This is not a true story. It is a fiction that I read long time ago.

    A poor muezzin used to teach (Arabic and the Quran) the daughter of a very rich person. They fell in love in the process. When the parents of the girl discovered this love affair, they naturally objected it. However, they had to marry off the girl with the poor muezzin as the stubborn girl threatened them with suicide if it went otherwise.

    After their marriage they were very happy and everything went fine for the first few months. After that the girl started to behave abnormally. Like she would scream in front of her guests at her house for no reason. After a year the girl delivered a dead baby. Following year, she delivered another baby, but this time something strange happened. Three days after the birth, the dead body of the baby was found in a nearby well. The girl often complained during her pregnancy that she sees gruesome dreams, and the muezzin therefore thought that the jinns killed his baby. Next year, she delivered another baby, but the baby met the same fate.

    On the eve of another delivery next year. a psychiatrist happened to pass by the hut of the muezzin when he luckily met the muezzin and had a long chat with him, which included the mysterious killing of his babies. The psychiatrist also asked the girl a lot of question and then agreed to stay with them until a week after the delivery. After the delivery of the baby, the psychiatrist used to hide himself in a bush near the well every night to see how the baby gets killed. On the third day after the birth, he found that the mother brought the baby to throw it in the well to kill it. He ran out of the bush but before he could save the baby, the mother threw it in the well.

    The psychiatrist then summoned both the muezzin and the girl. His conclusion was the girl was suffering from extreme mental insecurities and resentment. She was happy for the first few months, but after that her love for the muezzin evaporated and resentment started to grow in her heart for her husband. After all, she was used to live in luxury and not in a hut like that of muezzin. But she had no where to go as her parents abandoned her. Neither could she express her plight to other people out of shame. Therefore, her plight, resentment and insecurity manifested in abnormal behavior and killing of her own babies.

    The morals of the stories are:

    01. From out of marriage love, you can never tell if you really love the guy as lust and desire are the basis of such love. On top that Shaytan makes everything looks rosy, nice, flowery, and innocent. He deludes your from the realities of life and make everything appear romantic.This is basically a trap.

    02. You never know if there will grow resentment in the heart of a spouse due to difference in social status, ethnicity, or culture between them.

    I do not want to boast, but Alhamdlillah, Allah blessed me with a good understanding of deen. I know it very well that in the eyes of Allah, ethnicity, race, color, social status, money, degree, nationality-all these things matters NADA, NOTHING. The only thing that matters is our taqwa-our piety and our fear of Allah. However, if today an extremely beautiful and extremely rich girl proposes me and tells me that she loves me, I would still not marry her because in my heart, I would always feel insecure about her love for me, because I will be a no match her richness and beauty. If today a beautiful white girl or a beautiful Arab girl proposes me marriage and tells me that she loves me, I would not marry her because I am brown and thus I would always feel insecure about her love for me, no matter what she tells me.

    Look, I want to make a point clear here. I have nothing against rich or poor. I have nothing against white. black or brown. I have friends who are poor. I have friends who are black. I have a Nigerian friend, a black, who is an imam. Mashallah, Allah blessed him with such a beautiful voice that I sometimes feel that I listen to his recitation for whole day. By the grace of Allah, I have good understanding of Islam. I know what matters to Allah. Yet there are some insecurities, may be they are ingrained because of my upbringing and other surroundings, in my mind that I cannot help. Since I know that I will not be able to help them, I will therefore be very careful about the ethnicity and the social/economic status of of the girl I marry, inshallah, besides her righteousness. Do you get my point? I am emphasizing this to you to make sure now that no resentment and insecurity will grow in your heart towards your husband after marriage. Marriage is not a play.

    And as Hopeful said, did you check your boyfriends deen? If you have not, check it NOW.

    • One more thing:

      Do I feel insecure because I am brown? No, not at all. It I do, that would be like expressing dissatisfaction towards the divine decree. Allah decreed me to be brown. I am extremely grateful to Allah that he has made me a Muslim (Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jamaah) and this is my true and only identity and I hope and pray that Allah keeps it as my identity till I die. Do I think that white or other races are superior? Not at all. Who is better then whom, who is superior to whom is the knowledge that only Allah possess. Because as I said, the yardstick of measuring superiority is piety and fear of Allah, both of which are the affairs of heart and only Allah can read them. So why I still have insecurities? First, they come from Shaytan. I seek refuge in Allah from this loser and his whisper. Second, I am human after all and Allah said that a human is weak. I am aware of my weakness and thus I will be very careful before I marry.

  6. I am a black muslimah who just married an arab muslim man....And i know how you feel. My black non-muslim parents surprisingly had all all these stereotypical views about muslims/arabs that they were happy to share with me. Basically I challenged them mentally through their morals and spiritual values. I asked my mom if she would be proud to speak of her disapproval before GOD if she felt her views were in line with what GOD would want. She hasn't spoken a negative word since. In fact she threw us a party to celebrate our union and helped me make all the plans for the wedding. If your family has valid concerns definitely listen and address them before moving forward. If they disapprove only due to his race then you should want to guide them back to islam the Qur'an will be your friend in this matter. Try to find a common ground and have and open conversation about what characteristics she wants her son in law to have and inform her of how many he may match. Family is important however if they do not give you their support you will eventually have to choose between your love and your family. I chose my husband because he is everything i have ever wanted in a man/husband/friend/teacher/provider he is what I was praying for and a perfect fit I could not spit on Gods blessing I was prepared to start a new family with him. Your decision is a tough one don't be lead around by love use your mind.


  7. Aselamualeykum werahmetu Illahi weberekatu.
    Bilal was Black Muslim we don't know whether Adam is Black or Arab. So Only believe in Allah . Islam cannot affect your interest negatively. You have to ask forgive from Allah if there is something wrong before but now act according to sheri'a. You would love after marriage, but you have to marry him now after great du'a if it is sin. I don't know whether sudden love is sin or not, because to say it is sin it should be purposeful love by overcoming the rules of sheri'a "love next to marraige" but the sins in dream,crazy man and suddenly with out knowing may not be considered as major sins. above all you know how it happens. I also Advise you that don't disappoint your parents . But ask them to marry another Arab man if they aalow you to marry that Arab man immidiately marry that black man other wise try to compromise by negotiaing your family with your interest. Above all you have to hear your self and make du'a to have the right decision. Rely on allah Allah will give you immidiate and fruitful decision. Abshir Allah with you.
    wesalamualeykum werahmetu Illahi weberekatu.

  8. salam, first of all . is nothing wrong of marriying a black men as long as he is muslim. Allah made sure in Quran to be just and open to whom ever fallows the sharia and the principle of islam . i my self i prefer black muslims and i am an arab women from algeria .so my advice to you hit your mother with the proof of Allah kalam and the hadith of our Prophet is many proofs in our Quran about of marriage amongs our beloved muslim comunity wheteher black ,white ,brown . this is an ouma we need to make it strong and stop the madness.

    • ASSIA uv spoken like a hundred people!!! Nice advice if we had people like you in this world then am
      sure Allah would be happy to see HIS children. I LOVE YOU!!!

  9. salamun alaikum o! muslim's , brothers and sister's,


  10. Salam,
    I was born in Jamaica ( Black) and moved to the states when I was 18 yrs old. I met a girl from Saudi Arabia living in Virginia on line. She introduced me to Islam and I quickly reverted because I was searching for Islam my whole life. I fell in love with her and we wanted to get married. I realized that her father would never say yes and that if we interloped together I would ruin her sister chance of getting a good husband as well. Since people would say that she was just like her sister. So, I decided to ask some Muslim brothers what I should do. Some told me to take her any way and some say not to. I did not runaway with her. Haram ! If the girl cant get her parents to say yes then don't do it. Listen to the parents. The reason why I did not marry the girl is because the parents must give me permission. If your boyfriend was a real Muslim he would realize this.
    Needless to say after three years past my best friend who is from Egypt hooked me up with his cousin in Egypt. We have been married for 10 years with four beautiful children her mother, father and brother visit nearly every year. Alhamdullah it is important to get the parents blessing.
    Final, don't do any thing if your parents is against it.










  12. Look, I dont know how old this post is, or if you'll even read this.. but sometimes everything is not about politics, race, or religon... it's about love.. as we get older and more into our own traditions, we over look the smalls things, the things that really matter... everyone wants their own version of God and how he is, or the way he wants things to be.. but if i dont know anything else (which i do) i know that God is about love.. no matter the religon, the color, or race... in our flesh, we look to devour one another, judging according to what we want or believe but love is so beautiful and so pure, that it withstands the toughest of critics.. look, im not tellin you to disobey your mom.. but if her reason of withholding your happiness (if you truely love him) is because the color of his skin, then it's up to you to decide what it is you really want.. because no matter what, you will always be her daughter and if she loves you (as she should) then she will come to forgive you and with time accept him.. underneath it all, we are truely the same..

  13. Salaam Aleikoum,

    There are cultural barriers that exist and Arabs tend to believe they are the better race!

    It is not haram to marry someone who is not of your same ethnicity. I encourage people to marry outside of their ethnicity! All of this ignorance is really something... and it's sad.. and it's crazy.

    People want to say they are Muslim but then not allow their daughter/son to marry someone who is not of the same ethnicity is just wack! That is not Islamic at all...

    All of this culture stuff really sickens me.

    May Allah guide us all, and forgive us, Ameen!

  14. Salaam alaykoum wa rahmatoullah,

    Dear sister in Faith, if the reason for your mother not accepting you to marry a person because he does not physically fit to what her nesf whispers her than it is not right for you to listen to her. If she has proper religious reasons for not accepting this man, than you should listen to her. However, is she your kafeela??? Who is the one in the house that is responsible for you and can take the final decision meaning = making sure that the taken decisions are not based on evil influences but trully on fearing Allah???)
    Now, between you and that man, is he Muslim? Does he pray? How did you meet him? Do you love him fissabilillah??? Do you pray? Did you do the salaat istikharah? Because falling in love based on earthly feeling is the work of Shaytan la'an nattoullah and you cannot have space in your heart to contain the love for Allah which is a straight path to one human's lost.

    I hope, my answer was pretty clear to you as well as other people who could of married the people of their choices if they were strong in faith. It is important to know that it is in the religion of Allah that it is says to marry 2 people who wants to get married otherwise, the parents could be the one causing zeena on earth and may Allah preserve this last Oumma ameen.

    Habibullah, fi amanillah
    Salaam alaykoum wa rahmatoullah

  15. Salam bothers an sisters

    Allah guided me to islam through free mixing allhamdu lillah 🙂 I met a man that I became good friends with after knowing him for 3 months he said I was a kind hearted person and asked if I would like to become a muslim at the time I didn't no anything about islam and so he began to teach me about it. I fell in love with the religon and took my shahadah. I then started studying on my own and found that my friendship with him was not aloud. At this point he tell me he loves me and I can't lie I am starting to feel the same. He nicknames me wifey and so I wait for a marriage proposal. But it never comes. I tried talking about it with him but he said when he gets married it will be to an asian girl as he don't want to upset his family. I am mixed raced black/white. He said he really does love me but theres nothing he can do. As you can imagen I am heart broken. That must have been hard to say but I am really proud of him for respecting his parents wishes cause I no how important family is aspecially as I am not close to mine. But it is foolish to pretent that racial mixing in the muslim community is not a problem. I even find it hard intergrating with the women. I don't seem to fit in anywhere now not with my old life or my new one. Now the man I love is married we are still friends but don't see each other very much as it really hard for us both, its wrong and he has resposiblities. He did ask me to become his second wife not sure if that was out of pitty as I am a divorced with three children but again he couldn't upset his family. I never met his family so they didn't even give me a chance. So I don't believe all parents have there childrens best interests at heart sometimes it is about how they will look to the community.

  16. Sweeti don't feed off what ppl say lie and most men will like and tell u things just to lie fear Allah. All of u abuaasiya

  17. in Islam the Muslim black man Can To marry Arab Muslim women. The problem is not Islam. Problem is that some Arab families. Want to marry her daughter to a person of an Arab man. Because they want to keep their culture Arabic. The problem is that there are people racist. Resentful of Islam. And lying on the Koran. Such a person insignificant Who lie and say that the Koran Prohibits marriage of a black man white woman. This is a lie And I'm sure it did not open the Koran in his life.

  18. Hi,

    I am a muslim born and raised here in the US. I fell in love with an African American college professor. I have two older brothers and a mom, they were all against my decision to marrying my now husband. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I love and obey my family very much but I did not want to lose the love of my life. My mom agreed to meet him and the first thing out of her mouth was " you are not going to marry my daughter" she gave no reason. My family NEVER gave me a REAL reason as to why I couldn't marry him, they just kept saying that I could not because it's haram and it'll embarrass them. My heart was torn, I asked Allah to help guide me and lead me in the right direction, I cried myself to sleep every night. One day I decided to elope with my now husband. It was extremely difficult in the beginning but now my family abolsutely LOVES AND ADORES my husband. My mom now tells me that she always knew that I would run away and marry him but was just trying to get me to not do that. I am the happiest I have ever been. My husband is so good to me and my family. I love going over to my moms house and watching my husband play with my nieces and nephew. He loves our culture and studies it; he knows more about Islam than I did. I learn from him now. Very smart, intelligent man. I say FOLLOW YOUR HEART, no matter how hard it may seem. A REAL LOVING FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, just like my family is and was.

  19. If the Man is pious in his deen Islam. Then what is the problem ? A Black Muslim Girl can marry a White Muslim Boy and A White Muslim Girl can marry a Black Muslim Boy. Allah says in Quran "Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise." (Holy Quran, 2:221). No problem in marrying a Inter-Racial boy or girl, if he/she is a Muslim. And Allah says in Quran "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Holy Quran, 30:21).

  20. Hen iLSalaams sister,
    That first comment I heard was the most racist thing I ever heard. If you marry outside your race then its the dévil? What! He doesnt know anything about islam or Allah. The brother who also commented about he didnt marry an arabic women bc he didnt want to ruin her family or race, I feel bad for you brother bc you didnt follow your heart and dont have heart. Im a black Man but all my friends are arabic and They are family to me. Im 28 and have dates many different cultures from white to black to asain and latina. My heart is with Allah but I had to find him first. Years ago I fell in love with an arabic women and we was both in love and she asked her father if could talk with the family, of course he said no bc im black. So I called my best friend mother who is arabic and told her the story. She told me she would do research on the family and she if she could help me but she couldnt bc They were from Jordan and she from Palestin but she told me that the family would have to realwith Allah bc in the korean its says love doent have a color. I was so hurt I promise myself I would never talk to another arabic girl again. So i kept dating these nasty American women so i would never be alone but never was in love like i was When I was with the arabic women. My best friends have the best wives. They Cook,clean and do everything you ask and I wanted that and do anything to have that. My best friend mother told me she wants to hook me up with a arabic women but I was so hurt bf I didnt want to believe it. Until today When I went to my best friends brother wedding and seen the most beautiful women I ever seen that brought me back to flash. I promise my self never again! But the way she look at me told i had to try it again. Im going wit my heart and Allah will be with me until the day I die and no Man or women is going to tell me WHO I can or cant marry. They will have to kill me! Sister go with your heart and dont let no one tell you otherwise bc you might reget it later in life.

  21. As Salaam Alaikum Sister Yasmine,
    Allah is the judge of all affairs and one does not have to fall in love through haraam social interaction.
    Haraam social interaction is a result of personal inhabitions and I for one have fallen in love without it!
    It is all perceived to be of such based upon the mindset of the believer!.
    It was courteous that you asked your mother for her blessings but if she is in disagreement you are now an adult and as adult you and your fiance must now make a decision to be binding upon one another with Allah as your one and only spiritual leader.Also remember that the identification of people based upon racial ethnicities came about through European indoctrination.Allah created 1 race and that is the human race.Their will not be a paradise based upon the race of man and woman.Allah will eliminate all biases!
    If your mother is a woman of Islam and believe in the Quran she will be okay!
    May the blessings of Allah be upon in your marriage!

    Abdullah Shabazz

  22. Bismillah Al Rah main Al Rahim :

    May the Peace and blessings of Allah be with you my dear sister.
    Follow your heart ,Allah created the human race which is the only family Allah is aware of and those that distinguishes differently do not have a true comprehension of Allah!!!
    Man created races for the sole purpose of superiority over others for selfish reasons.
    If anything is negative it is not of ALLAH !!
    ALLAH renders a grievous chastisement to those that change his laws for there own advancement.
    The problem with the world today is mankind wants to dictate for one another what ALLAH's laws are when all one has to do is read.
    You will be okay my sister !!

  23. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa Ramatullah Wa Barakatuhuh Sister,
    In Islam, we are obligated to obey and listen to our parents as long as our parents are giving us advices and instructions that are within the halal guidelines of Al-Qur'an and the Uswa of Nabi Muhammad (SAW). Please allow me to share with you and the rest of the audiences 1 passage from each of the 2 sources:
    Surah 49:13 "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted."
    From the Prophet's Last Khutbah:"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves."
    In light of those 2 passages, if your mother is advising you that you are not to marry that brother due to the color of his skin, then she isn't properly educated Islamically for you to obey her instructions. In fact, she should study those passages and the Seerah (history) of the Prophet (SAW) and realize that her mentality is no different from the mentality of the idol-worshipping Qur'aish during those times. Al-Islam came to liberate humanity from the shackles of racism liberating people from their superiority, or inferiority complex.

  24. Assalamu alaykum Brothers and sisters,
    Firstly, My prayers are with you brother Anthony, may Allah make it easy for you and grant you a pious, loving spouse amin.
    Brother, If I understood you correctly, you will still try to get the first Arab girl you fell in love with? Or you will try the new one which your best friends mum suggested?

    If it is the first Arab girl... then with all due respect I do humbly suggest you try to move on and forget about her for the sake of Allah. It will cause alost of problems with her and her family and its not worth the risk without taking blessings from the parents. I know its hard to accept, and the parent should be understanding, but if they said no then its better not to force it ..

    Take a look at the example of another brother similar to ur situation, check out this brothers post, mashaAllah:
    November 11, 2010 • 12:41 pm

    You may want to try istikharah as our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wsallam taught this to his companions. Ask your arab friends about it. And after this, if its not becoming easy for you to get that first girl, then just leave it, and understand that maybe its just not destiny, dont force something which is not happening smoothly ....just step back slowly and search in a different direction.. be relaxed, no stress brother.. And even after you try to forget about her.. if Allah has written that you will be with her, then Allah will make a way for it to happen, even if she comes out from under the earth!

    So i guess the best thing to do is do not give up in praying for a pious spouse. And when ur freinds mum or someone suggests another women, then be open, and say bismillah, perform istikharah and step forward to meet her to find out about her (with another person with u, dont be alone). And dont ever lose ur hopes, most ppl have to go through meeting different ppl before they find the one which is rigth for them. Just remember.. ... all the destiny is written, who anthony will marry is already written, and noone else will be able to marry anthonys wife!

    Have to have firm faith in this, then our problems will feel lighter and Allah will make ways.

    The first step to having our prayers answered is:
    -Believing in Allah strongly
    -Stayign away from all sins! Be strong. (first find out what sins are , what displeases Allah, so we can refrain from it)
    -Performing the obligatory actions which Allah wants from us.
    - By doing these, slowly slowly our connection with Allah will become stronger, then.. we will not be sad about anythin that happens.. we will know all happens for a reason, and with hardship... comes ease! As mentioned in the Quran

    All the best my brothers and sisters...

    I think you can take some advice from this post to dear sis Yasmine.. I know ur parents shud not reject bcs of colour! But maybe there are some more factors which they are rejecting for .. and they have no explained it to you yet.. If it is only for the colour issue, and the man is pious and religious and has the ability to marry you .. then maybe to to get an elder or uncle who maybe be able to convince your parents..
    In either case, perform the istikharah alot.... refrain from sins... just keep asking Allah to make easy the thing which is good (khair for you), if Allah opens your parents heart, then good.. if not .. then try to accept that maybe it wasnt as good as u thought.. Allah will never let you go to waste.. work on improving urself.. keep busy, ask Allah.. and your destiny will come when its ur time 🙂

    May Allah reward whoever read this, pls let me know if it was beneficial. Pray for me.. this was all advice for myself first ..


  25. Marrying is a life decision together with a partner until dead separate the tie. I would like to say that if you trust him in all his character a good for you then go for it. But if some kind of a looking down racial discrimination by description on Prophet Mohammad teaching, then I'll say its a its a class of look into human race looking down by your parent and relatives. The decision is trust and love base the power is in you decision.
    Good luck and all the best in your decision for the future.

  26. Am shirach,, take this from me,, this is life were other people don't respect others feels they only know there pain but not for others, soo feel free with your heart and give it what it wants lik your mum did to yo dady, show that love to Allah,, not the words of people, tell them to respect your feels too,,

  27. Salaams My Daughter,
    I believe you listened to your mother and always took her advice while growing up because she knows you better than yourself. You did not question her actions than because your mother had wisdom forsight of your needs , habits, choices and potentials and you always accepted it. Your mother is making the right decision for you and she loves more than anyone else and she will sacrifice everything in the world to see you happy. please take her advice and see her wisdom as time goes by.

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