Are dirty fantasies a sin?
Salam alykom
Both me and my husband have sexual fantasies (me not so much now, but I had them before I got married) that are rather odd. It involve threesomes, like me being with my husband and another man. He gets very aroused by the fantasy, but would never want it in real life (he is very protective and don't even let me talk to non mahram men). He also feels very guilty for these fantasies, but can't help liking it when he gets excited. Afterwards he feels guilt.
Are these fantasies sin, comparable to cuckoldry? I have read a lot about "cuckolds" but I think this is not the case here since it is only in our heads and neither him or me would ever want to commit such thing in reality, it is just fantasies.
Please advise.
Anonymouse
49 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Yes .It is not allowed .I guess these fantasies are result of both of you watching porn or reading some dirty stuff .One day you will get bored with these fantasies and you might want to try it in real life to get more excitement . So better you both avoid this and think about some thing other than this for generating excitement ...also you are lucky to have fun loving husband to enjoy life so try some other stuff ..
asalamau alaikum,
fantasies will turn into desires which in most cases turn into action. it can escalate from one thing to another. when your fantasy becomes unbearable it can happen.
here you can have an intimate relationship with your spouse, but he rather he wants to think and make up fake imaginary fantasy and get excited on his own. why would anyone do such a thing?
have intimate time with your spouse, do nice things for one another make happy memories in due time you may be able to overcome such a disease insha'allah.
peace..
Assalaamualaikam
We are judged on our actions, not our thoughts, so I don't think that having a thought about that kind of thing would necessarily be a sin in itself - but we do need to be aware of where our thoughts may lead us, so that we don't end up acting on those kinds of thoughts.
If you're concerned that your thoughts are making one or both of you uncomfortable, then it might be worth exploring other ways that the two of you can enjoy yourselves without feeling uncomfortable.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Asslamualaykum
I'm a virgin alhumdulillah...but last night i was in a situation dat i have comitted adultery in my IMAGINATION with a guy who loves me but is of another country and he evn imagined me in the same way and we evn discussed about how senstual was it but this boy has nvr seen me nor my picture but i have seen his pictures we hav nvr spokn on phone call ...all ths discussion of how loud our imagination was on a social messngr......but i'm very guilty of my act...... i wantd to know does my sin is accountable zina ....if yes then will i allah firgive me!!!!!???????
Plzzzzzz rplyyyyyyyýyyyyy in really needddd of helppp
Imagination adultery ? You meant maturbating while thinking of him and talking dirty on social messenger ? If yes then yes it is sin n you need to repent .
If both of you fantasizing about another man who is known to you or you closely interact regularly like collegues ,neighbors etc then there is probability of you getting attracted to him in real life too
.If some one can bring excitement in imagination ,he can attract in real life too so be cautious .Most of time people fantasize about known person only who they interact normally .
If its just non real man and just imagination probably might not harm much .
OP: It involve threesomes, like me being with my husband and another man. He gets very aroused by the fantasy, but would never want it in real life
I can understand a man being aroused by a three some that includes 2 women, but 2 men.................
Anonymouse,
One does not need to watch porn or engage in sexual acts in order to experience erotic dreams. It's not like we go to bed and think, "what can I dream about tonight?". It happens. It is part of being human.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
Additionally, Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said commenting on this hadeeth:
Whatever crosses a person’s mind, so long as he does not dwell on it or continue to think of it, he is forgiven for it, according to scholarly consensus, because it does not happen voluntarily and he has no way of avoiding it.
Salam
Najah ,
The above fantasies described are planned one from their side to generate more excitement and not one time thought which is coming in to their mind .So this will be HARAAM .
As per your view ,thinking any thing(Haraam stuff) is fine as far as it doesn't come in to action ?
Porn comes with a varieties of fantasies like doing with teacher ,aunt ,uncle old ,young ,all types of incest ,3,4,5 some etc etc .(I have read details from research sites to know its porn and cons)
If some one believes these thoughts are not sinful ,he can just get away by having all dirt in his mind(but no real action) he is fooling himself .
The above hadith might be in little different context .As i am not a scholar so can't drive the meaning 100% correctly .
Logical,
You can't plan a dream. It happens. The poster states that she likes to discuss her dreams with her husband and he with her. They are human. They have questions about it because they are uncertain if it is in fact a sin. I noted the following verse:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
So as the above verse states, Allah is forgiving for whatever crosses ones mind so long as they do not speak or act upon it. Thus the answer to her query is clear. If you dream something you deem to be dirty or the like, just keep it between yourself. Allah hu alem.
Salam
1. Many psychologists regard sexual fantasies as a psychological disorder if they dominate a person’s thinking to such an extent that he cannot enjoy any pleasure except through these fantasies, and that may lead to abnormal sexual fantasies.
2- Islamic sharee’ah teaches the principle of sadd al-dharaa’i’ or blocking the means that may lead to haraam things and closing every door that may lead to evil. It is to be expected that sexual fantasies may lead to a person committing haraam deeds. A person who frequently imagines something and wishes for it will inevitably develop the motive to do it and will try to do it a great deal. So he starts by looking at haraam images, and his eyes become accustomed to looking at haraam things, then he will try to fulfil his fantasies.
3- Most of these fantasies comes to people’s mind by haraam means in people’s minds, such as permissive satellite channels and by watching scenes of decadent societies from kaafir lands all over the world, where there is no modesty and watching sex scenes is becoming a daily habit, as is obvious to anyone who live or works in those countries.
4- Finally, such fantasies may lead to spouses losing interest in one another, so the wife is no longer attractive to her husband, and vice versa, which leads to marital problems, and then sufferings and problems start.
For all of these reasons, our advice to everyone who is tested with such fantasies is to hasten to put a stop to them and rid himself of them. The following means may be of help:
1 –Completely avoiding everything that may provoke such fantasies, such as haraam movies and TV shows which are shown on satellite TV, as well as avoiding reading stories that generate such fantasies. We have already discussed on our site the fact that it is haraam to read such sexual stories. See the answer to question no. 34489.
Al-Ghazaali said in Ihya’ ‘Uloom al-Deen (1/162):
The way to ward off distracting thoughts is to cut off their source, i.e. avoid the means that could create these thoughts; if the source of such thoughts is not stopped, it will keep generating them. End quote
2 – Regularly reciting the adhkaar that are prescribed in sharee’ah, especially that which is said before having intercourse: “Allaahumma jannibna al-shaytaana wa jannib al-shaytaana ma razaqtana (O Allaah, keep the Shaytaan away from us and keep the Shaytaan away from that with which You bless us).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (141)and Muslim (1434).
3 – Focusing on the present enjoyment instead of that which is absent. In both spouses there is that which will keep the other from thinking of haraam things. If each spouse focuses on the attractions of the other, they will not be distracted by fantasies of other things.
4 – Imagine if your husband had fantasies like you do, would you accept that? Wouldn’t that make you feel unhappy? How can you accept to make your husband feel like that? Try to use this thought to get rid of what you are feeling.
5 – Consult psychologists. There is nothing wrong with your going to a female psychologist or family doctor and asking her for advice; you may find something to help you in sha Allaah.
I ask Allaah to guide and bless you and your husband.
And Allaah knows best.
http://islamqa.info/en/84066
Sister Najah cited above:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
This hadith existed long before satellite tv or porn on the internet. The point being that "dirty" thoughts or fantasies do not 100% arise from those sources. Besides the question is asking for advice, not whether the OP and her husband watched porn in "those" (lol), in other words, ALL countries.
I don't think the OP needs a psychologist and nor do I think she is abnormal. I agree that her and her husband should focus more on their relationship and maybe think about what they can do for one another to bring excitement to their relationship without discussing imaginary people during intimacy.
"Saba ,wife and husband share a fantasy of sleeping with other man and you call it normal ?"
Actually, I said she wasn't abnormal--as for what is normal, I don't know. But, this part followed the of the hadith that says " for whatever crosses their mind." What does it mean for whatever crosses their mind? Are these "good" things? Are these things we shouldn't do? Most likely the latter, and so that is why I said she isn't abnormal because we do have illegal thoughts that we are not supposed to act upon or speak about. This is what I meant by not being abnormal.
With the highest rate of porn be watched by non-Western countries, like Pakistan and India, I would hardly say the West is more corrupt--be careful about accusing others of being corrupt as you have already done with the OP, her husband and now me.
I think you staying in the East has made you more critical of the West only because you feel entitlement over being more Islamic than those who live abroad. People assume that the West automatically is bad whereas there are many Islamic Scholars that have been born and raised in the West. We can't control where we are born. Also, being born in the East or residing there doesn't make anyone more heavenly-bound than someone not born/raised in the East.
"Saba as you are a defender of such fantasies my question to you if tomorrow some couple asks a question that they fantasies incest stuff during Sex will you say it is perfectly ok to fantasize any thing ? Please don't encourage people towards wrong path by saying dirty thoughts are fine and them tell to respect woman ...I think people who are like minded they only support this dirt ."
I am not a defender of such fantasies, as I clearly stated above and will state once more for you:
"I agree that her and her husband should focus more on their relationship and maybe think about what they can do for one another to bring excitement to their relationship without discussing imaginary people during intimacy."
I would be more shocked at your reading ability than my post because you have incorrectly said that I support incest or acting upon fantasies when in fact I stated the opposite. Read again and read carefully.
Sister Najah and Sabah ,
Is this allowed to have fantasy ?
Logical: Porn comes with a varieties of fantasies like doing with teacher ,aunt ,uncle old ,young ,all types of incest ,3,4,5 some etc etc .(I have read details from research sites to know its porn and cons)
Why is the main reason you are researching porn? Are you doing a PhD in Porn studies? What porn has to do with fantasy? You tried to find pro and con? What is pro about porn as shown by your research?
Dear sister Anonymous,
I will suggest you to consult psychologists as your fantasies are abnormal .and listen to Ulema's advice from islamic sites to get help .
Thanks
Sex with an adult is normal. Sex with a family member is pathological and that is why it has a label called incest. It is universally recognized as unhealthy and abnormal regardless of religion or culture. So no, an incest fantasy is not normal.
We are not judged on our thoughts, we are judged on our actions. During Ramadan I often fantasize about ice cream. That does not mean that I am going to run out and break my fast and eat ice cream. But when I do break my fast at maghrib time (i.e. when I do something permissible) then I may reach for some halal ice cream.
This couple is engaging in fantasy in order to enhance their sex life WITH EACH OTHER, which is permissible.
Logical,
Stop making this post what it isn't. There is no need to attack each and every poster on here when you disagree with their response. A husband and wife have fantasies. They enjoy speaking with each other about the fantasies and find that it turns them on.Their post is asking if it is okay if they in fact talk about them with one another because they enjoy it but aren't clear if doing so is haram or not. The answer is clear:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
Stop disrespecting people who post on here and calling them names. Several of your posts are downright childish. In one post you tell me I need to be hospitalized and in another you call a brother stupid. Knock it off. If you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything.
This is an Islamic site. People from all over the world come on here to offer their humble advice and opinions on different matters. Even non Muslims come here to learn and offer their own opinions or thoughts on a post. You are like a cat ready to pounce on anyone who you disagree with or don't like what they have to say.
I have had people call me out when they felt I was wrong in regards to a topic under discussion and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean I have to go all Rambo on them because I didn't like what they had to say. You can respond to someone in a kinder manner and not have a go at them because you didn't like or you disagree with what they had to say.
Furthermore, oral sex is considered "Makruh Tahrimi" or highly undesirable. It is not haram. If a husband and wife choose to engage in oral sex...it is not dirty nor haram, it is something they choose to partake in and it is their own business to do so.
Salam
The below contents from IslamQA scholars.
If a person dwells on haraam thoughts and calls them to mind, then the fuqaha’ differed as to how to view this situation – is it covered by that forgiveness or does it come under the heading of thinking and resolving 9to do something haraam) for which a person may be called to account?
This issue was discussed by the fuqaha’ in the following manner:
If a man is having intercourse with his wife and is thinking of the charms of another woman, so that he imagines he is having intercourse with her, are those thoughts and fantasies haraam? The fuqaha’ differed concerning that.
The first view is that it is haraam, and that the one who deliberately brings haraam images to mind whilst having intercourse with his wife is sinning.
Ibn ‘Aabideen al-Hanafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The view that is closest to the spirit of our madhhab is that it is not permissible, because imagining that woman as if he is having intercourse with her is imagining oneself committing a sin with a woman who is not permissible for him.
Haashiyat Radd al-Muhtaar (6/272).
Imam Muhammad al-‘Abdari, who is known Ibn al-Haaj al-Maaliki (may Allaah have mercy on him), said:
A man should refrain from thinking such thoughts and tell others to avoid this behaviour too, i.e., this obnoxious characteristic that has unfortunately become very common, which is when a man sees a woman whom he likes, he goes to his wife and has intercourse with her, and starts to imagine that woman whom he has seen.
This is a kind of zina (adultery) because of what our scholars (may Allaah have mercy on them) have said about the one who takes a tankard and drinks water from it, but he imagines that it is alcohol that he is drinking – so that water becomes haraam for him.
What we have mentioned does not apply only to men, rather it also includes women, and it applies even more so to them, because what is common nowadays is that they go out or look out from windows, and if they see someone whom they like, they start thinking about him, then when they have intercourse with their husbands they bring that image that they have seen to mind, so each of them may be committing zina in some sense – we ask Allaah to keep us safe from that.
He should not only avoid that himself, he should also draw his family’s and other people’s attention to it, and tell that this is haraam and is not permitted.
Al-Madkhil (2/194, 195).
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Ibn ‘Aqeel stated in al-Ri’aayah al-Kubra that if a man imagines the image of another woman who is forbidden to him whilst having intercourse with his wife, he is sinning, but a passing thought that he cannot prevent does not constitute a sin.
Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/98).
The evidence for this opinion is the view favoured by a number of scholars, that if thoughts that cross the mind become entrenched and may turn into something that one resolves to do, then they come under the heading of things for which one is accountable, and that haraam fantasies that a person deliberately calls to mind are not covered by forgiveness, because they have been thought of deliberately and the person will be called to account for that.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The reason why passing thoughts are forgiven is what we have mentioned above, that they cannot be avoided. But it is possible to avoid dwelling on them. Hence dwelling on them is haraam.
Al-Adhkaar (345).
The second view is that it is permissible, and that there is no sin on the one who does that. This is the view of a number of later Shaafa’i scholars, such as al-Subki and al-Suyooti.
They said: That is because there is no resolve or determination to sin in fantasies. He may imagine that he is having intercourse with that woman, but there is no resolve in his heart or any plan to do that, rather he may refuse if given the opportunity to do it.
It says in Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj fi Sharh al-Minhaaj (7/205, 206) – which is a Shaafa’i book:
Because when he thinks of that or imagines it, it does not occur to him to actually commit zina or do any of the things that lead to it, let alone resolve to do it. All that is happening to him is that he imagines something reprehensible as something good. End quote.
See: al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra (4/87).
It seems that the correct view is the view that such fantasies are makrooh, even if we do not say that they are haraam. That is for the following reasons:
http://islamqa.info/en/84066
Logical and Observer,
Stop accusing people of supporting something they don't. That is haram and really sad as well. Either you have a problem reading and comprehending or you are deliberately repeating false accusations.
As-salamu alaykum,
1. Logical, I deleted several of your comments on this thread. Disagreement is fine, but insulting other members is not (you called other members corrupt, dirty and shameful).
2. In response to the original post, and without commenting on the halal or haram issue, here's a relevant quote by Imam AbdulBary Yahya, a well known Imam and public speaker from Seattle, Washington:
"You can't think crooked and expect to remain straight. Faith is mind, mouth and matter."
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael ,
I agree I might have used some unwanted or harsh language . It was very old thread why filtering is coming now after such a long time ?
After i started reading some of other threads i started appreciating good work by some of the people (like Saba and others)and started avoiding any harsh comments .
I have almost forgotten my comments here and not finding time to read all of these .You should not respond so lately 🙂
Ma-sha-Allah, I'm glad to hear that you are now taking a more moderate approach. The comments on that post caught my eye recently, I don't know why.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Logical, you're Cool, mashaAllah!
Assalam alaikum,
Jazak Allah Logical, I appreciate it.
May Allah help me and others to be more tolerant to one another as you have illustrated, Ameen.
Logical,
I propagate nothing and I do not spread falsehood. You are narrow minded and think anything that has to do with sex is dirty. You are bringing up incest and all kind of garbage in your post that no one has even brought up.You spout off about what you do not know and try to shut down anyone with your copy and pasted material.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
Read it. Comprehend it.
You are like beating a dead horse. You just have to have the last word. Go ahead. You know you will.
Have a nice day!
Najah ,you meant its ok to fantasize wife having sex with other man ? I mean if this fantasy turn ON both of them and spice up sex life ? I mean just a thought n not in real life .
Precious Star: This couple is engaging in fantasy in order to enhance their sex life WITH EACH OTHER, which is permissible.
OP: Both me and my husband have sexual fantasies ..... (That) involve threesomes, like me being with my husband and another man. He gets very aroused by the fantasy.
I can understand a woman fantasizing threesome with 2 men but her husband getting aroused by a three-some with another man and his wife does not sound kind of normal .
I think sister Najah, sister Saba and logical are saying same thing but wordings are different that is why conflict is arising.
deliberate fantasies are haram . If some sinful fantasy crosses our mind we should brush it aside and do not talk and deliberately think about it again and again. So if OP and her husband has abnormal fantasies they should not discuss it with each other and rather brush them aside as it is haram.
Gracias,
You said:
"If some sinful fantasy crosses our mind we should brush it aside and do not talk and deliberately think about it again and again. So if OP and her husband has abnormal fantasies they should not discuss it with each other and rather brush them aside as it is haram."
This is exactly what I have been saying since my very first post however there are those who do not have the capacity to understand. Allah hu alem.
Salam
I am confused here ...
If some couple thinks about similar stuff but don't do in real life but just imagine then it will not be a sin? ..
Is it fine if husband and wife have such fantasies as it is only about thinking ..?
OP: He gets very aroused by the fantasy like me being with my husband and another man, but would never want it in real life (he is very protective and don't even let me talk to non mahram men).
He gets aroused by fantasy of threesome with you ( his wife) and another man, but doesn't want it in real life.........Looking deeply, it means he wants to see his wife doing things with another man or him doing.......but he is also very protective and doesn't even let wife talk to non-Mehram men..
Does your husband talk to non-mehram women? Why he controls you when it comes to talking to non-Mehram men? When you say he does not let me talk to non-mehram men, you imply you want too but your husband does not let you.
SVS: "When you say he does not let me talk to non-mehram men, you imply you want too but your husband does not let you"
I don't think she is implying this at all. I think you are reading waaaaaay too much into her statement.
Assalam .sorry for my bad English. sister do it if you both understand each other. Really understand each other. Try to not do every to me.. It will get boring will go away with time .
The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)
I would like to add if some one is having sex with spouse but imagining another woman/man then this is totally unislamic and it is called fornication.
There is lot of literature supporting this.If someone has issue with my statement, please google and you will find thousand of fatwas saying that this is haram to imagine so.
There is nothing like being harsh on the sister.This is so good that she has come here and she wants to confirm whether she is doing a sin or not.
If a man is sleeping with wife thinking about other stuff.It is clear sign that he does not love his wife.He has corrupted his mind with these dirty thoughts so he can not get pleasure in a halal way.He is just using his wife.You have no idea where this will lead you.
you know what will be the end of this story.either one of you or both of you will indulge in a sin or one of you will start hating other as soon as the one realize how dirty this is.
Since you have been thinking all this so this will become acceptable for your mind to allow your body to do so.Our mind control our bodies.there will be no resistance from mind whenever shaitan set the trap for any one of you.
Also thinking all this is against modesty.I really advise you to take care of your faith.
Prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: "If you have lost haya then do whatever you feel like."
“Haya’ (modesty) and Iman (faith) are two that go together. If one is lifted, the other is also lifted.”
[Recorded by al-Hakim]
I have been through this.You know what happened in the end.My husband hates me now.I was not lucky enough to come here and ask for advice.You are lucky MAsha Allah please tell your husband straight forwardly that you fear Allah and you do not want to displease Him.If you displeased Him then you will not be blessed with a happy marriage.Every thing will end up like it never existed.
May Allah give you wisdom aameen.
Confus3d: I would like to add if some one is having sex with spouse but imagining another woman/man then this is totally unislamic and it is called fornication......There is lot of literature supporting this.If someone has issue with my statement, please google and you will find thousand of fatwas saying that this is haram to imagine so.
Google what, I want to research this. What if a fantasy helps a woman reach her climax? Like a woman having halal sex with her husband but imagining a handsome dude in her mind and enjoying it lot more leading to good sex.
That's so gross how can someone be obsessed with sex so much ....
Thanks OP for asking the question. My wife and i are in a similar situation and for a long time have enjoyed sharing fantasies and rolepaying in the bedroom. none of our fantasies are ever realised and neither do we have any intention to make them real. they're simply to enhance, excite, tease, and enjoy. it's basically foreplay.
i can see from the responses that many people have a problem with this, calling it "abnormal", or implying it will necessarily leading to committing haram actions. to these people, i will only say that noone is qualified to define what is "normal" between a consenting married couple, and these people must have some very poor and weak will if they think thinking haram always leads to doing haram. it does not. people are quite capable of thinking all sorts of haram things for years on end without ever doing a haram act.
Flying Wonderturtle: My wife and i are in a similar situation and for a long time have enjoyed sharing fantasies and rolepaying in the bedroom. none of our fantasies are ever realised and neither do we have any intention to make them real
Do you also get excited by fantasies of threesomes involving your wife and another man, as mentioned by OP?
There is nothing wrong with desire, playing out role play etc if it is between you 2 only, no one else involved. Keep it between 2, if you are comimited. Don't feel guilty for experimenting and listen not to miserable people who bark haram, haram and have not felt the essense of Islam. Use common sense and grow stronger spiritualy.
@Logical
Very Logical point 🙂 Repeated dirty thoughts will eventually lead one to sinful actions.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).
The hadeeth is very clear regarding "whatever crosses their mind".... It DOEST NOT SAY to stop the thoughts or stop dwelling on it or live in denial. Only part that is forbiden is speaking about it and acting on it .. meaning.. commiting that act of haram. and intercourse with your wife is NOT haram.
People who think that illegal thoughts comes to only sinful people are completely wrong because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) have mentioned that Shaitan is swimming in the blood of every human being even Companions of Prophet (SAW). The difference is that the Sahabas were NOT acting on the wispering of shaitaan. I think it is a true blessing of Allah that we are NOT accountable for our thoughts.
In above case these thoughts are delibarate n intentional so will be sinfull .
i think better not to fantasize about it . I think no sin if it was not deliberate .
I think some times it happen during excitement .Do you feel the same and enjoy this ? If yes then both of you need to put effort by diverting mind to some thing else like you are his boss and he reports to you etc etc .
REPLY TO SABA; SEXUAL FANTASIES,
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127)
SABA MENTIONED; This hadith existed long before satellite tv or porn on the internet. The point being that "dirty" thoughts or fantasies do not 100% arise from those sources. Besides the question is asking for advice, not whether the OP and her husband watched porn in "those" (lol), in other words, ALL countries..
SH SAY; i don't say whether Sexual Fantasies are Sin or Pious, but i only say that 1400 years before the Holy Qur'an has mentioned everything (Subhanallah) regarding the Entire Universe, especially about the Planet Earth & the life on it, activities & events happened & going to happen physically & mentally.. It has also mentioned about the judgement day & about the Benefits, punishments Here & Hereafter, about Hell & Paradise (ALLAH HO AKBER)..
Science is discovering things & events which are already mentioned in the Holy Qur'an & acknowledging to it openly (Subhanallah)... Aunthentic Hadith Glorifies the Sayings of Holy Qur'an which was followed, displayed & lived by our NABI (saws)... Saba you have to recite the Holy Qur'an with interest, Inshallah..
Probably if thoughts came unintentionally and passed by then it looks OK but deliberate thinking might be wrong .
For example if married woman accidently saw some handsome man accidently and unintentionally and gets some lust .If she acts upon it then she will be sinful else it is not .
Probably not to think deliberately but unintentionally if some thoughts comes in mind about other man like your office collegue or nearby person then not much can be done I guess ..Just forget it and go ..
I think if you are surrounded by opposite sex like in office, institutes etc then you might get such thoughts about other man during sex so better to keep a distance with all men and just ignore all such thoughts..