Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Are my reasons valid when asking for a Fasakh of nikkah?

I want him out of my life...

I want him out of my life...

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

As salaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

I met my husband (T) through a mutual friend.She was old enough to be our mother we both were very attached to her. T took a liking to me and came to my home to ask for my hand in marriage ,my mother accepted (my father is late) and so did I. Since T and I worked in the same centre I noticed that he read all his salaah,always dressed islamically,gave azaan beautifully and kept a beard.These qualities made me accept his proposal. Less than a month later we made nikkah. On the first night he called me fat(I'm not fat).The whole first time experience was ruined!We didn't have a wedding function because I do not believe in big weddings. I wanted to do everything the sunnat way.We lived at my home(mothers house) because the wedding took place quick after the proposal which didn't leave us with much time to furnish the flat.We only had the support of my family as T is from Pakistan and his family is not here in London.At this time I was still working.T on the other hand ended his partnership and was sitting at home. My family and I were not happy with this .At night he would expect me to spend so much time with him because he had been doing nothing the whole day.When I was too tired it was an issue.

My mum use to allow him to use her vehicle as his suddenly went missing after we got married.After a month he met in an accident with my mums car.He was fine but did not bother to pay for the damages.This caused alot of conflict at home.

T later decided that he wants to have a walima and told me to organise things and gave me a budget.I organised things in less than half the budget. After I booked and invited everyone , he told me he doesn't have money. My Family then paid for everything and T told them he will pay back. I was clearly not happy with this because having the walima was not my idea.

After a month the flat was ready and fully furnished.I furnished the flat and My mother also provided us with all crockery needed.The rest T did.

I moved out of the flat after a week. I went to stay at my mother's house because Tareeq  suddenly decided to go to another city. While there he phoned and asked me if 2 ladies (his friends wives) could stay in our flat because they had just come from Pakistan and didn't have a place to stay. I told him they could stay at my mums place but he insisted we give them the flat. I gave his friend the keys. I later found out that 2 couples(his friends and their wives) live in the flat. I was furious.

He came back from the other city and we permanently moved in with my mum.He started to insist that I lie to his friends who come and visit that it's his house.T spoke lies everyday,It was nothing for him.In this time he also said that he would sell all the things in the flat to his friend because I refused to take back what was used by others.

After a while I noticed that sometimes he would get missing for 2-3 days. My mum spoke to him about it and he stopped.When he repeated it I asked for a divorce and he started to throw in my face that he pays my doctors bills and buys me food(it was my right as a Muslim wife).My family however sorted this out.

After 3 months of living by my mum we moved to the other city.We lived separately for 2 weeks then we moved in together.After a month he failed there too so again we went back to my mother.

After a month he took me to the other city, to help him with his business. He rented out a flat . It was empty despite the fact that I bought furniture  for my flat when I got married I was sleeping on the floor.He sold everything to his friend who did not pay him yet. Anyways,after helping him with his business ,he sent me back to my mother.

Shortly after that he called me back to sort out some business for him .l tried my best but it was not in my control he lost everything .This made him very angry he swore me and told me I'm useless. We went to the flat and he became violent he wanted to have intercourse and I was tired but he still did (I was use to this), but then he started pushing and pulling me trying to do sexual acts which is forbidden. I started to scream for help he hit my legs and put his hand on my mouth. It was the most horrible feeling ever that my own husband was doing this to me .I called my mother later that night and told her to come pick me up.My mum came as fast as she could and got me.T's excuse for his behaviour was that he was possessed.

I wanted a divorce again but my family sat and spoke about everything ,so I had to give him a chance again.His behaviour became worse by the day instead of getting better.He wanted to perform intercourse while i was menstruating.He made fun of my appearance(there's absolutely nothing wrong with me),but he always broke my self esteem.He always picked on me and said that I did not give alot of tehej (things a girl takes to her husbands house).He mentally,sexually and verbally abused me everyday.He always wanted to use my phone and I didn't want him to see what I tell my family...because of this he use to accuse me of cheating.

We continued to live together . He gave me a lot of stress. We fought a lot. He always brought my self esteem down. I was really not happy with him.

We again moved to the other city this time with a strict warning from my family. This time he knew he had to prove himself so within the 1st week we had the flat set. We had all the necessary things.His brother and his one friend lived with us. When I got married he asked me to start wearing parda and I did since the 22. So with his friend living with us I had to wear parda in my own home as well. It was very uncomfortable for me to cook and clean with a parda on. T's brother always use to just barge in our room which made me very uncomfortable. T on the other hand use to want to have intercourse many times everyday. This was very tiring for me if I refused he would swear me and say insulting things about my family.  Most of the time he use to stay at home.When he went out he would lock me in the house or if i was in the car he would lock me in the car.He started to lie about paying the rent.He wanted to sell my gold(which my mother gave me) for money I refused because he never gave me even a ring up till this very day.T was always looking for a way to get money for free he hated to work. This really got on my nerves.In this time my sister came to visit I was not allowed to spend time with her alone.When she left to go to my mother I left with her.

Tareeq and I have been separated for 8 months,he refuses to give me a divorce.The Muslim court also refuses to unless I give him another 3 month chance. He makes no attempt to call me ,provide for me or anything.

Am I wrong in asking for a Fasakh?


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8 Responses »

  1. Dear Sonia 786
    Sister I read all your story its really make me uncomfortable I will simply advice you that if this is only the reason and it's all true what you have explained than the best way to apply for divorce Allah will find for you better than this marriage is not about day or week month or years it's about life here and after and husband should work hard for his family to provide everything and follow the Islamic way in every life style starting from eating till sleeping and intervourse so if not possible any more and he is not changing than go for legal divorce get rid off from him thanks

  2. AssalaamLykum warahmTullah wabarakatuh
    Its a hurting situition you are in, Allah make it easy for you.
    I would say go to a close by ahl hadith masjid and tell them to give you khula. And tell them your reasons for it aswell.

  3. My darling, you are being used by this man. Seek help and guidance. I hope there isnt children involved in this...

  4. It's better to run away from these morons rather than holding on.... A lot of posts that I've read, am compelled to conclude a fact that pakistani people whether it's boy or girl are most cases, the husbands are lazy or cheaters.... While on the contrary, girls commit zina multiple times before marriage or cheat after.......m sick of these people...... Big shame.... Doesn't mean that am pointing out finger on the entire community but am compelled to frame such an opinion in my mind after going through tons of posts here...... May Allah grant wisdom to the people....

    • It's wrong to generalize about an entire people. Pakistan has produced (and still produces) many great Islamic scholars, writers, poets and thinkers. You can't judge based on the posts you see here, because the people who write to this website are - by definition - dealing with problems. The millions of people with happy marriages do not write to us.

      Wael Editor

  5. Hi I would like the reply on this issue to one of the unknown commenter MAY Allah guide her or him that she pointed to the whole Pakistani people or she blamed the whole Pakistani people I think it's not the right advice that she has given here all the hand fingers are not the same I will not phrase the most good facts of Pakistani community here but reality is always reality so better not to phrase Pakistani here ,it doesn't mean that here the Pakistani doing such behavior with this sister so every Pakistani men and women bad ofcourse not .but it's true that this guy is using this sister just for money or some other reasons but the rest Pakistani they know how to protect women's and the women are too much better than other part of the world anyway we all Muslim are brothers and sisters so no need to abuse are put shame on others here in site we are for each other to give them better advice and support ,so my advice to the sister that be patience in divorce cases always the court give some times that might the husband and wife change their decisions and start a good life cause in Islam divorce is allowed lawful but this is the last unlike option so sister be strong and be patience you will get rid of from such husband and about khoula like one of our brother advices to check with scholar I myself don't have correct idea .

  6. As Salam Alaikum,

    Sister, I must say you are very brave and strong woman. You stood by as much as possible. I read your story and I believe your husband might be frustrated that nothing going well in his life and this whole thing making him insecure about himself and that is why he is trying to make you insecure. Did he try to get a job instead of opening a business? Does he have friends?

    Someone might have done shirk/black magic, some what possibility. Do you, your self pray? Pray Ayatul kursi everyday around him. Try to look at his good side, I know it is hard as he doing all this to you but I think he is being down with his life. Try to talk to him that, "I know you have been through a lot and I do not want to lose you and this marriage", so tell him "please find a job', and ask him to spend time with friends.

    I hate to see another house/marriage being divorce. Allah (Swt) hates divorces but try your best sister.

    May Allah (swt) make all your affair easy.

    Allah hafiz

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