Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Arranged marriage? Feel depressed!!

marriage nikah arranged forced

Basically, I was in a haraam relationship with a guy that my parents didn't approve of. Was with him for 2 years. I then left him for the sake of my parents happiness cuz I knew they'd never accept. I'm a 23 year old female.. So now, my parents showed me a proposal. And Like I don't mind marrying him as he is a nice guy. But my heart is with my ex.. Although, I'll learn to be happy with this new guy but right now, I can't seem to love him.. I guess soon.. Anyways, the thought of getting an arranged marriage scares me and living with in laws.. Like I can cook and stuff but know the basics.. I'm a Pakistani girl. I know how to cook basic Asian food. Nothing fancy. But my guy feeling tells me that I'm going to be living hell when I stay with in laws.. Even though I've met the family, they seem so nice but people change after marriage.. It just scares me so much.. This is always on my mind, constantly. I cry when I think about it, it's that bad.. Any advice would be appreciated.

Salaam,

Onegirl x

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4 Responses »

  1. Well i wont lie to you saying that in laws are so nice:) They will give you hard time but please relax:) Just do what your suppose to and thats it:)Learn to cook, learn to clean, look nice:), say Aslamualoqum every morning and Allah hafiz every night:) , full fill your duties of having the house clean, enjoying time with them.Do the best you can and leave the rest to ALLAH . Your a lucky girl if you have a husband who loves you and respects you. 🙂

  2. Salaam alaikum sis. In sha Allah of u do go ahead and marry this guy to please ur parents I hope you do end up loving him. Becos sometimes things don't always go the way you want but if his a nice guy I can see u growing to love him as long as he does romantic things for u to win ur heart! As far as living with ur in laws. Take it from me, it's best if u do NOT live with them. They can seem nice and may be but when u start living with them things will change and there will always be an issue. Why can't ur soon to be husband just get u, ur own place ? U will have less drama that way and have a good relationship with ur in laws. Anyway whatever you decide may Allah bless you.

  3. In my opinion, you should not marry yet.
    You are still attached to your ex and you do not seem to be ready to turn over a new leaf. If you marry another man now, there is a good chance that you will keep comparing your husband with your ex. Imagine if a disagreement comes up, or you will find your husband weaker in some respect compared to your ex: will then not the question haunt your mind: "Would I have found happiness with my ex?"
    You first need to get over your ex, which may take much time. Marrying while still loving somebody else sounds like a recipe for a failed marriage. Odds are that not only will you make yourself unhappy, but also a completely innocent person, who did not deserve this: the man proposing to you. Rushing into a marriage in the state you are seems very irresponsible to me.
    The man proposing to you hopes to find mutual love and happiness within this marriage. A marriage may turn out good, it may turn out bad (some people just do not fit together), but both parties should enter a marriage willing to do the best they can. Right now, you can not do your best. What if you marry and your husband falls in love with you only to find that the woman he married is unable to reciprocate his love but remains cold towards him? Would it not make him feel miserable? Disappointed? Do you think you could hide this from him? Do you think you could play the role of a loving wife day after day, month after month to make him happy?

    • MashaAllah I totally agree with Crazybull, I kno i said you should go ahead with the marriage becos a lot of sisters do it becos they have this need to please their parents so bad but if you have the choice to refuse the proposal Crazybull here knows what they r talking about. I went Thru this myself. 5 months after leaving my ex I got married to someone else and it was terrible. I was always sad and awake late at night thinking about my ex and how much happier I would have been if it was him sleeping next to me. Everything my husband did I thought about how much better it would be if it was my ex.
      I was so depressed. At times I wouldn't talk to my husband for days and he would have no idea why bcos he did nothing wrong. It was really a dark time for me. But I'm still married to him and Alhamdulilah I slowly learned to let go of my ex and I don't let him affect my marriage anymore. So take heed and make sure u are completely over ur ex First

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