Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Arranged vs Love Marriage (Divorce)

Love triangle, two women and one man

oa, I am v much disturbed because of problems in my family life.

I started loving my husband while i was at the last stage of my education. The love was expressed firstly by him. he proposed me and i asked him to ask his family first for the marriage if they will come to my house then i can continue otherwise it's difficult. he asked from his mother and elder brother and they said no issue we are agreed, you need not not to be worry.

i started my relation with him and in few days he was totally changed, not even agreeing to get married. i have been to hospital in serious condition 3 to 4 times...his brother even talked with him but he didnt respond just becoz he loves his father alot and his father's brother has set his relation with his daughter when he was born. though his uncle died few years back but still the love and emotional blackmailing forced him to get married to that girl. meanwhile i went abroad and attempted suicide but got saved. he was still loving me but because of the family didnt proceed the relation. after one week of his marriage i talked to his father and told the whole thing, at the end we got married happily with concern of both the families.

before marriage me and my husband did commitment to take care of his first wife but after our marriage it seemed impossible, even my husband used to cry that what should i do... i cant go near her...........

i just love you. after my marriage i never allowed my husband to go near her,,,because whenever he goes away from me i get terrible sick almost near to death ...our bond is like this ...Allah is also aware of it....its natural that i got what should we do now?

family is pressurizing by saying that you both have commited, so fulfil that commitment in any case otherwise you will b divorced, because she is our brother's daughter we wont give any harm to her. my husband is also worried because he is saying at the time of marriage i took oath and picked Quran even that i will fulfill my duty towards him. his first wife or father didnt say anything like this to me, but my husband himself rememberrs and he is v much worried now. we did commitment but now we are unable to fulfill that after trying alot. my husband now says that i can do it by taking as "Majbori" but in my view in this way all three lives will be destroyed rather four because i have a son as well.

we never ever fought amongs each other but i cant share my husband, he is the only thing which i have in this world and most precious for me. when Allah knows my condition and my husband's as well and when everybody knows that its not an ideal relation and that girl can live more happily if she would marry someone else then y not divorce should b given for our and for her sake as well. my husband is worried that i have taked oath and picked Quran and my father will cut off from me thats  y i cant do this....he is asking me to compromise which i will do for him but my life will be finished then....i will b just like an alive dead husband also cant live without me....plz tell me the solution and give islamic refferneces so that i can copy and show to my family and husband.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum Ayeshli,

    There is no compulsion in religion, according to Islam. Your husband could not be forced to marry the other girl against his will, as both parties have to consent to the marriage. For this reason, if the marriage was arranged at birth between your husband and the other girl, he would still have to consent to the marriage now that he's older, marriageable, and able to make his own decision. If someone consented on his behalf when he was merely a toddler, that shouldn't have been effective.

    So he must have consented, whatever his reason. Bottom line is that if the other girl is truly not happy as you say, then he should be willing to divorce her, despite the family's emotional blackmail. If he isn't, then he still wants to have her as his wife on some level.

    Also, in response to your comment last month, therapy is not only for long-term "psych patients." It is helpful for anyone going through a tough time in life in need of support, and I suggested it based on a few things in your post. Please look into it if you haven't already sister, as it will help you.



  2. Your husband is keeping his first wife trapped in a marriage where her rights are denied. This is unjust and it's oppression.

    "Oppression will be the cause of darkness on the Day of Judgement". Hadith of Bukhari.

    Pls look up the meaning of this hadith. It should put the fear of God into the hearts of people like yourselves.

    You have posted this quieston before. Nothing has changed since then. Your husband is oppressing this woman and you are playing a part in this.

    If he does not want to be with her and sees no way in which he can give her equal rights he needs to make a decision. He needs to stand up to his family and divorce this girl and set her free so she can heal from the pain of this unjust marriage. He needs to do this INSPITE OF WHATEVER HE PROMISED BEFORE MARRYING HER.

    He did wrong marrying her when he had no interest in her. Now he is gulity of withholding her rights. This is haram, whereas divorce is halal.

    If he doesn't do this and bows to the demands of his family, you will all be held accountable for oppressing her: your husband, his family and to some extent, you.

    Set her free. At least this way she has the chance to rebuild her life and find a husband who will give her her rights. She has a right to be happy.

    Allah swt will provide for her in all aspects and will take care of her needs.

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