Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Ashamed after going back to masturbation.

Ashamed woman, sad woman, depressed woman

Feeling ashamed.

Assalam wa alaikum

I am a 18 year old girl living in a Western world where am exposed with many things that spark desires inside me. I am ashamed to say this but  I have trouble controlling my sexual desires. I have been masturbating since 2 years now. I know it's wrong and have tried to stop. I repent and I went almost a month and a half without doing so but unfortunately I succumbed to my desires. I am afraid of Allah's punishment. I've never felt so ashamed in my life in front of Allah as I do now. This is because I've been spending the month repenting and asking God to forgive me yet with doing that I went back to my evil deeds. I feel like all that month of repenting has gone to waste because I ruined it. At this point I am too scared to ask Allah for forgiveness. I'm scared that He might be thinking "you repent all month but then go back to the deed you have been repenting for. Hypocrite." I am ashamed to go back in front of Him. I don't know what to do. Marriage is not an option right now. I try not to be alone but I'm living away from home and find myself in my dorm most of the time. I read the Quran, keep up with prayers and listen to naats. I am so confused. And scared. Will Allah still pardon me? Is He thinking I'm a hypocrite? How do I face Him? Will I ever be forgiven? 🙁


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Insha Allah if you don't do again Allah will forgive you....He is all forgiving...and that is one reason vy you regret...ask directly to the creator and not to any of his creations.....

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    All of us have weaknesses and sin. You are not alone. Some of us committ big sins and repent. Some of us committ small sins and don't repent because we think we, as humans, can "measure" our sins. The truth is, that with every sin, we must always repent once more. If you fall down 10 times, it just matters that you got up every time after that and made effort to improve yourself. If you are waiting for the day for yourself to become perfect, that won't happen. Instead, let the sins that have happened be a doorway for you to seek humility and a way to recognize your need for Allah swt. Always repent after the sin and be sure that shaitaan will feed you with all kinds of thoughts (which you are already experiencing) to not repent because he knows that Allah swt loves the repenter.

    Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “By the One in Whose Hand my soul is, were you not to commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and then seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah would forgive them.” [Sahih Muslim]

    Partial Ayah from Al-Quran [2:222]

    Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.

    So anything that prevents you from seeking repentance, is from shaitaan or an evil thought that you have. Do not stop your repentance ever.

    Also, there are many posts on this site regarding masturbation--read up on them and perhaps something from those posts can help ease your pain, sorrow and challenge. May Allah help you through this difficulty, Ameen.

    • @Saba

      Its seems to me you are trying to say, its ok for us to sin as long as we repent.

      Hazrat Shaqiq Balkhi ((Rahmatullah ‘alaih)) explained that Shaytaan comes from the front (as he said he would) and he whispers : “Why are you so concerned about displeasing Allah Ta’ala and why are you so wary of sins ? Why do you exert yourself in so much of Ibaadah?… Enjoy yourself. Allah Ta’ala is Ghafur-ur-Raheem.”.

      Shaytaan approaches many in the same manner, whispering : Why engage yourself in Ibaadat, Zikr, Tilawat, etc ? Why are you so particular in performing Salaah 5 times a day, in paying Zakaat and in fasting? Why are you so rigid and strict in conforming to Shariah ? Allah Ta’ala is Ghafur-ur-Raheem.

      Shaqiq Balkhi ((Rahmatullah ‘alaih)) said : “I reply : ‘Yes, indeed Allah Ta’ala is Ghafur-ur-Raheem; but for whom?’”


      [SURAH TA-HA 20 : 82]
      Allah Ta’ala’s Forgiveness extends to those who make sincere Taubah and Istighfaar, believe in Allah Ta’ala, do Amal-e-Sawleh(righteous deeds and actions) and remain steadfast.

      • No, I am not saying that we should intentionally seek to sin and then repent.

        I am saying, one shouldn't avoid repenting no matter how many sins one commits especially if they feel they are worthless or if they feel that they are a hypocrite. No one should stop seeking Allah's forgiveness.

        There is a huge difference between the two.

  3. if you need a online support group join here:

    It may be male oriented for the most part, but having a support group, especially and Islamic one, helps a lot.

  4. Salamalekum Sister,

    I have been severely depressed and suicidal regarding the masturbation habit. I used to be very happy and normal person before trying to stop masturbation habit. But i was to naive to understand the conquences of failing before trying to stop. Anyway, the advice i want to give you may be completely wrong, because it is just my personal opinion. But for me it has worked well and i m out of depression in many ways. I would tell you to accept some things which you cant change about your behavior and your sexual urges, write down the things you can accept or are less sinful and try to accept them. Instead of running around in circles in your head and creating guilt, anxiety, depression. And just trying and failing what will be the final outcome?

  5. Assalamualaikum WR WB sister and all those reading this coment.

    First of all never give up in the mercy of Allah for ALLAH is Ar-RAHMANIR RAHIM (The Most Merciful, The Most Compassionate). His mercy is over any sins you do. In chapter 39, verse 53 of the Quran Allah says "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

    All I can say is keep asking ALLAH for forgiveness of your sins and keep asking Him to help you stop you bad habits.

    And just keep trying to stop your bad habits. The fact that your wanting help on this website and the fact that you have made attempts to change yourself and the fact that you don't want to be alone because you have recognised that is when trouble strike is evidence that you sincerely want to change yourself. No matter how many times you fail just keep trying to change yourself and InshaALLAH eventually you will be able to change yourself. It may take some time but InshaALLAH you will be able to change yourself. It is not impossible WALLAHI (I swear to God)!

    My sister in Islam keeping making dua to ALLAH and just keep trying to change yourself no matter how many times you fail.. you will get there InshaALLAH. DO NOT despair in the mercy of ALLAH and NEVER EVER give up on yourself.

Leave a Response