Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Ashamed of my past and my sins, I feel so lost…

I am in my early twenties, but then I realize that I had so many sins.

I have a sexual relation with my ex, I lied a lot to my friends and my family, I forget to pray, I feel like a hypocrite.

One day when I feel really frustated I went to a party. Someone gave me some drugs (I don’t know what it is), at first I refuse to tried it but then I tried it, I never used drugs before, but I feel ashamed if I'm the only one there that's not try the things. The next day, my close friend acted really stranged towards me. I think that night they might found out about what I did, my secret, and everything. I think people at the party recorded what I did and put it online, and its horrible.

I do remember a little, about my repulsive thoughts toward my friends, my sexual relation with my ex and my family problems. I never been honest about my feeling or my thoughts towards them before. I don’t want them to get hurts because of my horrible thoughts.

Now, my friends don’t know who I am anymore neither do I, I hurts my family because they know I'm no longer their innocent girl, I feel so lost and ashamed.

I know it's sound strange when I tried to go back to Allah after the drugs accident and after being humiliated in public, but I do regret all the things that I’ve done, even the things before the drugs accident, about my horrible thoughts, my lies, my sins for forgetting Allah SAW.

I already asked for other forgiveness and Allah forgiveness but still I can’t forget what I’ve been done, its haunts me. Now I tried to be a good a moslemah and forget about the past, but I still feel lost, and scared of other people judgments. I feel so digusted with myself and my past.. I'm scared of not finding a good husband because of my past and will die alone.. please help...


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Make tawbah and make and oath to Allah you will never do these sins again, the best thing you could do is turn back Allah and trust in Allah. You won't die alone, this kind of worry is from Shaitan change what's in you Allah will change what's all around you. May dua for Allah to help you sincerely from your heart, may Allah make it easy for you Ameen. May Allah give you and your love ones a good life in this life and the next Ameen. Trust in Allah and worry to become a better person inshallah, nobody is perfect we learn from out mistakes.

  2. I think the most important thing to do is to hold on to your feelings of wanting forgiveness. If you sincerely repent then change and forgiveness will come your way inshallah. You are very honest - many people would do the same things and not think twice and I think it's commendable that you want to change. Your family and everybody else will come around iA.

    I always find solace in remembering that what is meant to be, will be. So in terms of worrying about your future husband etc, I think you should focus on becoming a better person and Muslim and the rest will follow.

  3. the only thing on your side right now is Allah. Become a better person and build on confidence Never give up.This is the reality not every is innocent you know.Whatever happened is decided and you must move on.You should never talk or tell about your sins that you have committed in order that Allah will conceal it on the day of Judgement! Build on your Iman and your education so you can be independant .Remeber that shaitan will be there to remind you or play games with your head so be carefull . Iman is very important for us muslims we have to keep with pious company and hang with people who want to be successful in both the worlds. If you choose to stick with these groups of people only for will lose and never find happiness as it is mentioned in the Quran.

  4. Dear sister ASWRWB,

    YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF A LITTLE MORE, my sincere advice to you is to make tawbah, who cares what other people think its what you think about yourself give yourself some more respect. if your looking for a husband and it is written for you, you will find one the fact is we are not living in an islamic state and alot of the people do not follow what is written in the quran and sunnah, you need to remember one thing is that your ALLAH FORGIVES ALL THINGS BUT HE DOES NOT FORGIVE SHIRK, that is associating anything with ALLAH. you see when ALLAH (SWT) SAYS HE IS MERCIFUL his is the closest meaning to what we can find with ar-raheem he forgives everything your lord is so merciful that when at the time of kufr a woman who we would tcall a hooker today gave water to a cat this was sufficent for ALLAH to allow her to enter paradise.

    my sincere advice to all the brothers and sisters out there is simple command the right and forbid the wrong seek assistance from ALLAH (swt) i guarnatee he will not let you down and you know something if you happen to go wrong ALLAH is your companion. if your looking for a husband and this drinking and alcohol is the route you want to go down then remember one thing that the shaytaan is your open opponent he will whisper to you all the evil you can think of.....

Leave a Response