Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Ashamed of my past

pain hurt

Hey guys. my story is little long so I hope you bear with me.

I am born a muslim, I was born in the USA. My dad and mom are muslims of course, but my dad was never a part of my life. All I had was my mom, my mom taught me how to speak arabic but never taught me how to read or write she tried but it was just too hard. Anyways I was friends with really bad friends, I started smoking cigarettes, and then they shoplifted and they taught me. I did it once and I got caught by my mom and she was really disappointed in me. I stole from her and my sister, I never wanted to, but I did it so I can make my friends like me, I was young - a freshman in highschool.

I hated being home, me and my sister always fought, my mom and dad were in courts. I tried having a relationship with my dad in 10th grade but he used me to hurt my mom and idk be his other families maid. I was in a a kind of relationship and he hit me and tried to idk have sex , I ran and cried and rumors ran in school that I was raped. I wasn't.... My mom transfered me, I kind of thought she hated me, 10th grade.... I lost my virginity, I only had sex once for like 5 mins. I felt so ashamed of it, I only did it because the guy stood up for me in school when I was idk bullied by everyone. I kind of left him because I was so ashamed and felt like God hated me. I stopped praying... I thought my life was over, I tried commiting suicide but it never worked.

At the end of 11th grade I fell for an egyptian guy who didn't love me back, he just played my feelings because I was too nice and senstive. my mom and friends knew they said he wasnt good for me, he is a player but I wasnt good enough for him, say he did love me back, what? he will marry me? find out I am not a virgin? I still love him until today and I am 18 now.

I do not care about him, that's not why I am posting. I want to know if I will ever be forgiven? Will I ever get married and have kids? Am I going to hell? Should I start praying? I do not know much but I know what I did in life wasn't right. I don't deserve to be called a muslim. What should I do? I hate myself everyday for what I did in the past 18 years of my life.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalamwalikum....
    Dear firstly understand wat is islam . Read quran often. Understand it. Surely allah will guide u.
    Everyone does mistakes. V learn frm our mistakes. Bt dnt repeat ir again . Ask for forgiveness daily.

  2. The main thing is you know you did wrong.
    Do not disclose your past to anyone that's between you and Allah.

    Repent ask for continuous forgiveness. There are far worse and evil people in this world who continue onto the wrong path and dont care who they hurt. No one is perfect you have to pick yourself up and continue to find your own happiness in life of correct path. I hope you never go back you deserve so much more than this. Learn to have respect for yourself and your family.

    I do think you should read the quran and do your regular prayers within time this will bring you closer to Allah, heal you and bring inner peace to you inshAllah.

    Also if you are interested in wanting to marry tell your parents and get family approval this will be the best option for you. In future NEVER EVER BE ALONE WITH ANY MAN, they will just take advantage.

  3. Dear sister,

    Allah forgives all the sins, no one is perfect and sometimes we commit sins or the environment is such that we behave like that. I would say yes, start praying and going to mosque, and hang around with positive and decents folks. And try to not repeat same sins you committed when you were younger.

  4. Salam sister

    Don't despair as Allah forgives all sins. the fact that you feel guilt and are ashamed of your past shows how big and good your heart is. Sister the best advice is that to
    Keep praying as much as you can..pray 2 rakat salahtul tawbah for forgiveness
    Make dua to Allah that to forgive you
    Keep doing continuous good deeds
    Make a promise to Allah that you will never go back
    Look for the three things required for sincere repentance
    Also to your other question...why won't you get married and have kids ?...InshAllah Allah will give you a great husband.
    Also Allah forgives all sins big or small so don't ever give up as the ones who give up are the losers AND YOUR NOT ONE !!!
    Keep up with the good deeds and inshAllah Allah will forgive you...PLEASE DONT LOSE HOPE !!!

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