Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Assalamualaikum, I am a born muslim and have been married to a revert.

forgiveness

I am a born muslim and Alhamdulillah trying to  practice islam how much i can. Seven years back i became friends with a non muslim guy in my office who was very much interested in knowing about islam.i never had any intention of continuing our friendship , i gave him few islamic books and explained to him the basis of iman . After few days he told me he likes Islam and reverted to Islam with his own choice. Then i came to know he started offering friday prayers in masjid. This  continued for the past years, and i fell in love with him and I know its wrong to being friends with Na maharim, but i couldnt stop myself and did wrong by developing close friendship with him. I strongly believed at that time I can marry him and support him ,as it doesnt matter if he is revert or born muslim and I have to make an example for all to support reverts.I told him clearly the problems we may face if we get married , as his family is still not in Islam, it will have a negative impact in later life for our kids .

We discussed a lot, and he assured me he will take care of his family as he dont want to break ties but will convince his parents not to interfere. I asked him many times like a person has to come to Islam based on his free will and not for marriage. He assured me, he had stopped going to temples and was avoiding the haram. So happened i convinced my parents and based on both side families consent we got married and did nikah an year back.

Alhamdulillah he is very good husband and I thank Almighty for everything. I need advice how can i support him in his path of iman. He offers only friday namaz . Once or twice i have advised him about importance of namaz, but he says he dont want to be forced but will offer when he really feels like and not because of me saying. Since then i have not asked him. He is regular in going to masjid on Fridays.I have started reading Prophet p.b.u.h biography daily for ten minutes. He listens intently. He fasts in Ramadan.I know I cant pressurize him about offering salat but it pains me to think he spends so much time in doing all the worldly things, but cant take out time for Salat. I dont know how to advice him and teach him as its my duty.

Am not sure why he is not much concerned about his parents Iman. When i discussed about this with him he told me its not right time to tell his parents and they agreed to marriage is big thing. Lets slowly give them Dawat. he is having very good contact with all his non muslim relatives. He talks to them often.Am currently living abroad but will be back to my country in few years,Am worried about my  kids iman , when we live in the same house as non practicing grand parents.He says let my parent take the kids to temple if they feel like some times but we will teach them Islam is correct and make them not to follow any other religion. But am so worried at that tender age how can we explain everything. He didnt change his name in certificates as he says it is his identity and he is muslim by heart no need to proclaim to all. Nobody knows he has converted except his parents and my family.I sometimes cry and think is it more apt for me not to have kids as i dont want to bring them up in this world if i cant give them proper islamic environment and upbringing.

I know he has lot to learn as Islam is completely new way of life for him. He doesnt smoke, or drink, and eats halal. he is trying i know.After marriage only I have come to know he doesnt know many basic things. I have explained to him about Taharat and he has learned that habit of purifying himself . I am afraid to teach him the many basics of islam as i dont want him to feel pressurized and has so many things to change. Sometimes when i talk anything about islam he becomes silent and will try to close the topic. I believe he has some blockage in his heart like if he listens to me and changes himself as per Islam I may force him to follow many aspects of Islam and he may lose his own identity and thats why he isnt showing much interest. If he misses Friday salat it again takes one week for him to stand infront of Allah. He wont even mind if because of any issues he is unable to go to namaz.It breaks my heart and I am just praying to Almighty to make him steadfast in Iman. I have happened to see few pictures of him in temple. when i asked he said he had only gone when his friends have forced him and is not important to him as he prays only to Allah, he dont want to reveal to all about his Iman because of all the social issues.He sometimes say to me he misses celebrating those old festivals he did from childhood. Though we have been married for an year,his parents are now interested in doing marriage according to Hindu rituals for there happiness. Am so worried as he is not going to reveal to all about his iman and moreover all will think i am following other religion when they see me getting married according to there rituals.My parents believe he is regular in salat and i didnt told them the truth as I dont want them to get worried at this age.

Please advice me  How can i guide him onto the right path maintaining my own iman strong. Do i need to guide him for each thing or remain silent and give time to understand on his own.How can i make him regular in Salat . How can i present Dawat to his parents, i really like them and pray for them as they are really good people and love me like their own daughter.Please advice me in light of iman, as i cant discuss with anyone else. I am unable to stop thinking did i do a mistake my marrying him ? Is it punishment from Allah for making friends with na moharrim. I just got carried away at that time thinking its a good thing to support him in his path of Iman, but i didnt knew at that time he wont be showing any interest in learning. Sometimes it makes me feel my decision is worth when i offer namaz alongside him, it gives me lot of peace.Am at lost. Please advice.

mazia

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11 Responses »

  1. Wow your ungrateful. At least he’s making an effort. These days it’s hard to find someone who is willing to marry them, let alone finding someone that is willing to marry you the halal way and convert. Now I feel sorry for him for being with someone so critical and ungrateful. Take small steps, dnt go 0-60 right away!!!!!!!!!

    • Please do not give silly advice like this ever in your life! Do you know the importance of Salah??? If you did , then you wouldn't have said something as foolish as that.

      • Please don’t be so ignorant. One thing many ppl dnt hve is akhlaaq. And yes If u overwhelm someone with so much they will just give up. Salah is important, indeed. What good is it doing for you, your attitude and way of explaining is horrible.

        • Nope. Your way of explaining is worse than brother Ahmed. A woman is worried about a husband neglecting salat & you are rebuking her for being ungrateful.

          Now listen here: Salat cannot be compared to akhlaq. Salat is the pillar of Islam. Learn your Deen & stop with your arrogant ''advice''? You seem to have a chip on your shoulder regarding salat.

          • Lol wow.
            Now you listen here:
            First off, you have no right to speak in such a harsh way. Even if your trying to explain the “right” thing, you come off horribly. I feel sorry for you, end whoever has to deal with such akhlaaq. (There I said it again!) If your behavior remains this way and you pray I just wonder... may Allah guide you and watch how you speak to a women. There’s no need for disrespect!

  2. Sister Mazia, Aoa,
    If he offers Friday prayers in the mosque, then how come people do not know about his reversion? Do you mean people back home do not know?

    I think your husband may have accepted Islam on his own with the little knowledge he had acquired. Don't you think it will be a good idea for you both to discuss his queries, his rights and responsibilities as Muslim with a teacher/scholar; so that he is clear on his beliefs and obligations to himself as well as to you.

    May Allah grant you both ease in your matters.

    • Waalaikum Assalam,
      Thanks for your advice brother.
      I mean to say none of my husbands colleagues in office , relatives and friends back at home know he is practicing Islam.Only his Muslim friends know about it.
      You are right. He has accepted Islam based on his limited knowledge he had acquired. I just pray Allah should guide him correctly and make us steadfast in deen.

  3. You mentioned that your husband has a lot to learn about Islam. No. You do.

    You also stated that since his "family is still not in Islam, it will have a negative impact in later life for our kids ." No. Your narrow mind and lack of understanding will have a negative impact.

    And how do you know what your neighbors or relatives do in private? Can you absolutely state that every man you know is avoiding intoxicants, not chasing women, and making their prayers every single day? No. You can not. And if you read this page often, it is full of women with very serious complaints of their horrible husbands who come from "established Muslim families."

    I honestly do not know where to begin to respond to your lengthy post complaining about your husband. Perhaps you should study and explore what is really required of him in terms of Islam. Although many revert Muslims do change their name when they accept Islam, that is not required in Islam. And many get along with their non-Muslim family members respecting them and vice-versa. That is something you should strongly consider. You seem to be an immature, inexperienced woman with a limited tolerance level. You have been married for only one year. You need to understand that marriage requires constant effort to compromise and remember you are now a pair.

    I would advise you to concentrate on your very own development of Islam, not your husband. Many people have gone through that, constantly bring pestered by family and friends about almost everything that they do, how often they pray, what they wear and how often they may or may not read Quran.

    Did you want to marry a scholarly type, or imam in training or your husband?

    • There is nothing scholarly about performing Salat. The sister has a right to worry about a non-praying husband.

      • I agree with Brother Ali.

        Praying Salah is a Fardh ul 'Ayn, it is obligatory. One does not need not be a scholar to know that we, as Muslims, should pray everyday 5 times a day.
        Salah is the identity of a Muslim.

        So with all due respect and no offence intended, please do not make it seem ok to miss or neglect Salah, it really isn't.
        The poster is not wrong to be concerned. It's a perfectly reasonable concern and you're going the right way about it to seek assistance.

        As the brother in question is a revert, you're right- you do not want to overburden and deter him from Islam.
        So help him to start reading one Salah per day until he gets into the habit and then 2 salahs and then gradually to 5, inshaAllah.

        I've just had a quick skim-read of the post so I'm not sure if I've missed out a crucial detail about his reversion.

        All the best, I hope you have a fruitful marriage.
        X

  4. I remember there was a time I wasn't so close to Allah as I am now alhamdulillah, and offering the five prayers daily and on time proved to be quite challenging for me. I used to run away from prayer, because it just never felt right, astaghfirullah. My prayers were all wrong, my wudhu was done with me pondering over the world and same during prayer. I think his problem is the same, he does not enjoy praying. Make lots of dua to Allah to make him passionate for prayer and to make him enjoy it and for Allah to accept all his prayers. To this day I make the same dua to Allah to make me eager to worship Him and that He perfects my prayer. Now what I did to solve my problem, is that I learned the full translation of Salah. I could now concentrate on my prayer and ponder over its meaning instead of thinking about something completely irrelevant. Prayer was, from then on, something that brought me peace and a break from the world and some time to converse with Allah. The most important part is that HE himself needs to be willing, he should actually WANT to bring this change in his prayer and his life. Show him this video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xD1psGcH-wo
    And add this tip I've taken from the comments: 5th, imagine Allah is standing in front of you and that your prayer is being witnessed by both Him and His angels.
    Also, here's the translation I know by heart, please ask him to slowly learn it.

    Allahu Akbar:

    Allah is The Greatest.

    Subhana Kal-lah hum-ma wabi hamdika wata-bara kasmuka wata'ala jad-duka wala ilaha ghairuk:
    Glory be to you, O Allah, and all praise is due to you, and blessed is your name and high is your majesty and none is worthy of worship but you.

    A'uzu bil-lahi minash Shayta-nir-rajeem:
    I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed satan.

    Bismillah hir-Rahma nir-Raheem:
    In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    Alhamdul lil-lahi rab-bil 'alameen
    Ar rahma nir-raheem
    Maliki yawmid-deen
    Iyyaka na'budu wa iyyaka nasta'een
    Ihdinas siratal mustaqeem
    Siratal Lazeena an'amta 'alayhim
    Ghai-ril maghdubi 'alayhim
    Walad dal-leen. Ameen:
    Praise is only for Allah, Lord of the Worlds.
    The most Gracious, the most Merciful.
    The master of the Day of Judgement.
    You alone we worship and to you alone we pray for help.
    Show us the straight way,
    The way of those whom you have blessed.
    Who have not deserved your anger,
    Nor gone astray.

    Qul huwal lahu ahad.
    Allah hus-Samad.
    Lam yalid walam yulad.
    Walam yakul-lahu Kufuwan ahad:
    Say: He is Allah, One and Only.
    Allah helps and does not need help.
    He does not beget, nor is He begotten.
    And there is no one equal to Him.

    Subhana Rabbi'al Azeem:
    "Glory to my Lord the Exalted".

    Sami Allahu Liman Hamidah:
    "Allah listens to him who praises Him"

    Rabbana lakal Hamd:
    "Oh our Lord, all praise is to you".

    Subhana Rabbi yal A'ala:
    "Oh Allah glory be to you, the most high."

    AttahiyyaatuLillahi Was Salawatu Wattayyibatu Assalamu Alaika Ayyuhannabi 'yu 'Warahmatullahi Wabarka'tuhu Assalamu Alaina Wa'ala'Ibadillahis Saa'liheen, Ash'had'u'un La ilahaillallahu Wa Ash'hadu Anna MuhammadunAbd'uhu Wa Rasooluh:
    All compliments, all physical prayer and all monetary worship are for Allah.
    Peace be upon you, Oh Prophet, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
    Peace be on us and on all righteous slaves of Allah.
    I bear witness that no one is worthy of worship except Allah
    And I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger

    Allahumma Salleh Alaa Muhammadin Wa'ala' Aale Muhammadin Kama Sallaiyta Alaa Ibraheema Wa' Ala Aale Ibraheema InnakaHameedum Majeed
    Allahumma Baarak Alaa Muhammadin Wa' Ala Aale Muhammadin Kama Baarakta Alaa Ibraheem Wa' Ala Aale Ibraheema Innaka Hameedum Majeed:

    Oh Allah, send grace and honour on Muhammad and
    On the family and true followers of Muhammad
    just as you sent Grace and Honour on Ibrahim
    and on the family and true followers of Ibrahim
    Surely, you are praiseworthy, the Great.
    Oh Allah, send your blessing on Muhammad and on the family and
    the true followers of Muhammad, just
    as you sent blessings on Ibrahim
    and his true followers
    Surely, you are praiseworthy, the Great.

    Rab bij'alnee muqeemas salati wa min
    zur-riy yatee rab-bana wata qab-bal du'a,
    rab-ba nagh-firlee wali waliday-ya
    wa lil mu-mineena yawma yaqumul hisab:
    Oh my Lord, make me and my children keep up prayers,
    Our Lord, accept our prayer,
    Our Lord, forgive me and my parents
    and all the Believers on the Day of Judgement.

    Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh: Peace be upon you, and Allah's Mercy and Blessings.

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