Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Assalamualaikum, I am a born muslim and have been married to a revert.

forgiveness

I am a born muslim and Alhamdulillah trying to  practice islam how much i can. Seven years back i became friends with a non muslim guy in my office who was very much interested in knowing about islam.i never had any intention of continuing our friendship , i gave him few islamic books and explained to him the basis of iman . After few days he told me he likes Islam and reverted to Islam with his own choice. Then i came to know he started offering friday prayers in masjid. This  continued for the past years, and i fell in love with him and I know its wrong to being friends with Na maharim, but i couldnt stop myself and did wrong by developing close friendship with him. I strongly believed at that time I can marry him and support him ,as it doesnt matter if he is revert or born muslim and I have to make an example for all to support reverts.I told him clearly the problems we may face if we get married , as his family is still not in Islam, it will have a negative impact in later life for our kids .

We discussed a lot, and he assured me he will take care of his family as he dont want to break ties but will convince his parents not to interfere. I asked him many times like a person has to come to Islam based on his free will and not for marriage. He assured me, he had stopped going to temples and was avoiding the haram. So happened i convinced my parents and based on both side families consent we got married and did nikah an year back.

Alhamdulillah he is very good husband and I thank Almighty for everything. I need advice how can i support him in his path of iman. He offers only friday namaz . Once or twice i have advised him about importance of namaz, but he says he dont want to be forced but will offer when he really feels like and not because of me saying. Since then i have not asked him. He is regular in going to masjid on Fridays.I have started reading Prophet p.b.u.h biography daily for ten minutes. He listens intently. He fasts in Ramadan.I know I cant pressurize him about offering salat but it pains me to think he spends so much time in doing all the worldly things, but cant take out time for Salat. I dont know how to advice him and teach him as its my duty.

Am not sure why he is not much concerned about his parents Iman. When i discussed about this with him he told me its not right time to tell his parents and they agreed to marriage is big thing. Lets slowly give them Dawat. he is having very good contact with all his non muslim relatives. He talks to them often.Am currently living abroad but will be back to my country in few years,Am worried about my  kids iman , when we live in the same house as non practicing grand parents.He says let my parent take the kids to temple if they feel like some times but we will teach them Islam is correct and make them not to follow any other religion. But am so worried at that tender age how can we explain everything. He didnt change his name in certificates as he says it is his identity and he is muslim by heart no need to proclaim to all. Nobody knows he has converted except his parents and my family.I sometimes cry and think is it more apt for me not to have kids as i dont want to bring them up in this world if i cant give them proper islamic environment and upbringing.

I know he has lot to learn as Islam is completely new way of life for him. He doesnt smoke, or drink, and eats halal. he is trying i know.After marriage only I have come to know he doesnt know many basic things. I have explained to him about Taharat and he has learned that habit of purifying himself . I am afraid to teach him the many basics of islam as i dont want him to feel pressurized and has so many things to change. Sometimes when i talk anything about islam he becomes silent and will try to close the topic. I believe he has some blockage in his heart like if he listens to me and changes himself as per Islam I may force him to follow many aspects of Islam and he may lose his own identity and thats why he isnt showing much interest. If he misses Friday salat it again takes one week for him to stand infront of Allah. He wont even mind if because of any issues he is unable to go to namaz.It breaks my heart and I am just praying to Almighty to make him steadfast in Iman. I have happened to see few pictures of him in temple. when i asked he said he had only gone when his friends have forced him and is not important to him as he prays only to Allah, he dont want to reveal to all about his Iman because of all the social issues.He sometimes say to me he misses celebrating those old festivals he did from childhood. Though we have been married for an year,his parents are now interested in doing marriage according to Hindu rituals for there happiness. Am so worried as he is not going to reveal to all about his iman and moreover all will think i am following other religion when they see me getting married according to there rituals.My parents believe he is regular in salat and i didnt told them the truth as I dont want them to get worried at this age.

Please advice me  How can i guide him onto the right path maintaining my own iman strong. Do i need to guide him for each thing or remain silent and give time to understand on his own.How can i make him regular in Salat . How can i present Dawat to his parents, i really like them and pray for them as they are really good people and love me like their own daughter.Please advice me in light of iman, as i cant discuss with anyone else. I am unable to stop thinking did i do a mistake my marrying him ? Is it punishment from Allah for making friends with na moharrim. I just got carried away at that time thinking its a good thing to support him in his path of Iman, but i didnt knew at that time he wont be showing any interest in learning. Sometimes it makes me feel my decision is worth when i offer namaz alongside him, it gives me lot of peace.Am at lost. Please advice.

mazia


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5 Responses »

  1. Wow your ungrateful. At least he’s making an effort. These days it’s hard to find someone who is willing to marry them, let alone finding someone that is willing to marry you the halal way and convert. Now I feel sorry for him for being with someone so critical and ungrateful. Take small steps, dnt go 0-60 right away!!!!!!!!!

    • Please do not give silly advice like this ever in your life! Do you know the importance of Salah??? If you did , then you wouldn't have said something as foolish as that.

      • Please don’t be so ignorant. One thing many ppl dnt hve is akhlaaq. And yes If u overwhelm someone with so much they will just give up. Salah is important, indeed. What good is it doing for you, your attitude and way of explaining is horrible.

  2. Sister Mazia, Aoa,
    If he offers Friday prayers in the mosque, then how come people do not know about his reversion? Do you mean people back home do not know?

    I think your husband may have accepted Islam on his own with the little knowledge he had acquired. Don't you think it will be a good idea for you both to discuss his queries, his rights and responsibilities as Muslim with a teacher/scholar; so that he is clear on his beliefs and obligations to himself as well as to you.

    May Allah grant you both ease in your matters.

    • Waalaikum Assalam,
      Thanks for your advice brother.
      I mean to say none of my husbands colleagues in office , relatives and friends back at home know he is practicing Islam.Only his Muslim friends know about it.
      You are right. He has accepted Islam based on his limited knowledge he had acquired. I just pray Allah should guide him correctly and make us steadfast in deen.

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