Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am an atheist but I am willing to convert to marry him


I found this site by recommendation by a muslim friend, and i thought I'd post my question here. The person I'm in love with is muslim, and though I'm rather familiar with the religion I figured i should ask on a muslim site for advice.

I met him in high school and we studied in the same university, he went into life-science and i took high-energy physics. We've remained close friends for a number of years, and we started kind of dating a few years back. We just hung out together for dinner, but we never kissed because I respected his religious bounds. And we've cuddled on the sofa while watching movies, but never slept together or anything serious. He's an amazing person, he's kind and he treats me wonderfully and tells me he loves me. Recently his parents are trying to get him married and my parents are urging me to find a husband too. He wants to propose to me, and he is constantly thinking of ways to convince his parents to let him marry me, but it's hard for him because I'm an atheist.

Just because most muslims I know cringe at the word atheist, i'll clarify a little. I'm not an atheist because i've rejected religion or God. My parents (Deist and Buddhist) wanted to raise me free of indoctrination so they decided to let me discover religion and faith on my own, and i've always loved them for it. But I only learned about God when i was ten, before that i'd hear people say 'oh my god' or 'god knows' but i thought it was just an expression. When i discovered religion, I'd already trained myself to become a rationalist in order to improve my thinking, and i had to think about it rationally, which didn't work. I respected other's religion, but i could never bring myself to believe in god, it went against the concept of Occam's Razor which i used to lead my decision making processes. When I became more interested in cognitive sciences and physics, I decided to live as an atheist. I consider myself a moral person, I'm still a virgin, I was the valedictorian in highschool and I'm probably going to be valedictorian in university too. I'm not a bad person, I'm just an atheist.

I know we'll be happy together if we're married, he isn't very traditional and he said he would be bored with the girls his parents pick out for him, because apparently they pick girls from traditional families and he can't behave with them as freely as he is with me. My parents approve completely, he's come to my house to meet them and they adore him. I've seen his parents at social events and they're nice to me, but I'm worried how they'll react if they realize i want to marry their son. I know that muslims are not allowed to marry atheists, but i've always thought it's because they rejected God. I never rejected god, believing in him just went against my way of thinking.

Will he be doing something sinful in his religion if he marries me? If not, how can he convince his parents to let him marry me? If it is, will he still be sinning if he marries me after i convert to islam, knowing that I won't follow the religion? He tries very hard to maintain his religious beliefs along with what he is planning to study and i don't want to ruin that for him.


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4 Responses »

  1. Peace be upon you, Anika,

    Thank you very much for trusting us with your delicate situation, may Allah(swt) made me worth of your trust. Ameen.

    You are dealing with lot of important issues and many different possibilities, I´ll try my best.

    You have to convert from Heart if you do and, at least, believing in the principles of Islam, if not would be a lie, then stop there and begin from the beginning, your conversion will set that your Love towards God is beyond the love you would feel for anyone or anything, once you are touched by Him(swt) my words won´t be that anymore, your Heart will translate into energy what I am saying and you will understand, until that happens this will be just intellectual concepts and food for your mind

    To convert, it is a responsibility and will be a sign of respect towards us muslims and towards our beliefs, that you do it believing that you are following the Straight Path, but the same I tell you this, I will tell you that none of us will judge you, because this will be something between you and God(swt) and if He(swt) calls you, He(swt) will know the ways He(swt) does and the ways He(swt) has to mantain you close to Him(swt) if He(swt) wishes.

    Shahada is a faith declaration that you believe in one God(swt) and that Muhammad (saw) is His Prophet, with this you will commit to Islam and its five Pillars. Sister this is a decision that will involve your life and the way you live your life forever and the way you will bring up your kids, if you choose to convert for the love you feel towards your friend, this will turn against you, your love towards God(swt) will be tested, you need to be very conscious of why you take the decisions and how it will affect you, because even if you convert for the wrong reasons, you will be tested, to give your word to be a believer won´t stand just like that.

    There is a possibility that you convert and his family won´t accept you. You have to study this too. Would he be willing to go against his family´s will?

    You mention you are virgin, please, under no cirmcumstances or promises you get intimate with him, he is not even allow to date you. He should tell his parents about you and propose to your parents, if all of you agree you will marry, but until you are legally married, don´t let him touch you.

    Believe on acts, words are gone with the wind, I know you love him, but he has behind a strong culture and religious background and until he commits and marry to you through the right way, you won´t be sure until he will be with you.

    If his parents disagree after your conversion, he can marry on his own will, but your marriage has to be done in a public, proper way. Don´t agree to secret marriages.

    I am really sorry for telling all of these but if you read this site, you would see how many girls go through inlove, conversion, rejection, losing virginity, pregnancy, depression, being abandoned, he marries other one,....please be cautious with every step you take.

    If you convert and you don´t follow Islam, your relationship will crumble, if you have children you will be tested as muslimah and he will be there to remind you, you are a muslimah, his wife and the mother of his kids, sister, see if you really feel strong to continue with the path you have begun.

    May Allah(swt) guide and protect you. Ameen.

    I have collected some posts for you, they are the other way around and some of them are not directly related to you, but I thought it was interesting for you to know about possible situations. I hope they help you.

    Please if you don´t understand something, just let me know, I will try to explain myself better, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

  2. If you become muslim he can marry u in islam and the is no problem in that .

    His family may not approve because of race or rubbish like that but they are wrong this under islalmic law once u become muslim u can marry him

    My mom was a hindu but she converted and married my dad theonly thing i recomend toyou is learn about islam its a beautiful thing and teachit to your children or send them to themusjid to learnabout islam


  3. Well, I'll just make it clear.

    No, you can't marry him under any circumstances if you are an Athiest or he Apostates. You have to either be a Muslim, A Jew or a Christian to marry him.

    He himself should know this and realise that you as a Non-Muslim would have to be content with raising any future children you have as Muslims.

    I am just wondering, does your "friend" take his religion seriously, I mean does he Pray like Muslims do? Or is he just trying to please his parents?

  4. Hi Anika, I cannot help you with your answer (i know this post was a while back and I dont know the progress you have made? ) But I'm just letting you know that I am in the same situation as you. As are many "couples". You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and very accepting of his religion, i believe that as long as the people involved are very open minded, it can work - providing obviously his family agrees to it and yours does. do not forget that any children will be raised muslim. I wish you all the best with your life and i hope it works out for you.

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