Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Attitude towards Parents and Kegel Exercises

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salam Alaikum

I am a Muslim boy.17 years.Sorry I have to be a little bit open here cuz I cannot talk to some1 else

I have to do kegel exercises sometims to avoid urinary incontinence. Specially before prayers in Mosque bcz if I dont do that, my urine drops leak. But for me to do these exercises , I have to keep my private part erect , other wise this does not work for me and urine leaks.

There is no way I can do this exercise without my penis being erect. For this I have to think of sexual thoughts to get erection.I don t want to do that but I can think of no other way , If I don't do the exercise I cant keep my self pure and cant pray.

Can I have of sexual thoughts for this purpose.I know that my intention is not wrong. If not, then what can I do?

Secondly , my parents have all the Islamic information which they need. They have read the Quran and know more than me. But they watch T.V dramas daily which contain extremely bad scenes and stories maximum time. I have tried to express my concern over this but they wont stop.

I feel burning with anger when they watch those things and they make excuses that we dont watch them from bad intention.We just watch them bcz the stories are good.

What should be my Attitude islamically bcz they know all the ayahs , ahadith etc ?

Need Guidance

~ Angry Bird

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10 Responses »

  1. Asalamu alikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

    I hope your in the highest state of health and emaan

    Brother, this is very common problem and you shouldn't worry...
    The best solution to keep your wudu is by making wudu at the time of each prayer and whatever comes after the wudu should be ignored until the time of the next prayer...
    That is because of the report narrated in al-Saheehayn from ‘Aa’ishah who said: Faatimah bint Abi Hubaysh came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I am a woman who suffers from constant non-menstrual bleeding (istihaadah), and I never become pure. Should I give up prayer?” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “No, rather that is from a vein, and it is not menstruation. When your regular time of menstruation comes, then stop praying, and when that time is over, then wash the blood off yourself and pray, then do wudoo’ for every prayer until that time comes.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 226 – this version was narrated by him; and Muslim, 333.

    The scholars regarded the one who suffers urinary incontinence as coming under the same rulings as the woman who suffers from istihaadah (irregular non-menstrual bleeding).

    But if he knows that the urine will stop within the time when he will be able to purify himself and pray, then he has to delay the prayer until that time.

  2. Assalamualaikum,

    Brother, I truly understand your situation. And I pray to Allah that He keeps your taqwa high and that He Protects you against all evil, whether in your home or outside.

    Without any doubt, evil scenes on TV bring a kind of disease to the heart. It puts a person into trials and makes it difficult for a person to stay steadfast on deen.

    Your family may not listen to you and just ignore you, because addiction to TV is very difficult to overcome. Shaitaan cleverly does his job concerning the TV.

    I suggest you to grab some Islamic books and read them instead of watching evil scenes on TV.

    Read this Hadith:

    Narrated Ibn `Abbâs ﺭَﺿِﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨْﻬُﻤﺎ : I have not seen a thing resembling ` lamam ' (minor sins) than what Abu Hurairah narrated from the Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ who said ``Allâh has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the (forbidden, sinful) talk, and the innerself wishes and desires; and the private parts testify all this or deny it.''

    Just keep this in mind and do not let the TV take you where you do not want to go.

    Concerning your prayers, you may have been a victim of waswas (Shaitaan's whispering).

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah has dealt with this issue in detail:

    With regard to thoroughly inspecting the penis by squeezing it etc, all of that is an innovation which is neither required nor recommended according to the imams of the Muslims. Similarly, pulling the penis is also an innovation according to the correct view, and that was not prescribed by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Squeezing out urine is also an innovation which was not enjoined by the

    Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The hadeeth which is narrated concerning that is da’eef (weak) and has no basis. Urine comes out naturally, and when it stops naturally, it is as they say, like an udder: if you leave it alone, it will settle down, but if you pull at it, it will flow.

    Every time a person opens his penis, something will come out of it, whereas if he leaves it alone nothing will come out. He may even imagine that something has come out – which is waswaas. If the tip of his penis touches his clothes when they are cold, he may think that something has come out when it has not.

    There may be urine at the base of penis and if the penis or private part is squeezed with a rock or finger, etc., some wetness may come out. This is also an innovation. That standing urine does not need to be expelled, according to the consensus of the scholars, whether with a stone, a finger or anything else.

    Rather every time it comes out, more comes, because it keeps leaking all the time. Cleaning oneself with stones (istijmaar) is sufficient and there is no need to also wash the penis with water. But it is mustahabb for the one who cleans himself with water (istinja’) to sprinkle some water on his private part, then if he feels some wetness he can say that it is from this water.
    (Majmoo' al Fataawa)

    If you have a urinary inconsistence, you should follow what Shaikh Uthaimeen said:

    When a person suffers from urinary incontinence, one of two scenarios must apply:
    (i) If it is constant and does not stop, and every time any amount collects in the bladder it comes out, then when the time for prayer comes, he should cover his private part with something and pray, and it will not matter if something comes out.
    (ii) If it will stop after he urinates, or ten minutes or a quarter of an hour after that, then he should wait until it stops, then do wudoo’ and pray, even if he misses prayer in congregation.
    (As’ilah al-Baab al-Maftooh, Q. 17, no. 67.)

    Also something Shaikh bin Baaz said:

    The sick person who is suffering with urinary incontinence and cannot be cured with treatment has to do wudoo’ for each prayer after the time for prayer begins. He should wash off whatever has gotten onto his body and set aside clean clothes for prayer, if that is not too difficult for him. If he cannot do that then he is excused, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship” [al-Hajj 22:78]

    “Allaah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you” [al-Baqarah 2:185]

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I command you to do a thing, then do as much of it as you can.” He should take precautions to prevent urine spreading on his body or clothes or the place where he prays. (Fatawa Islamiyyah)

    Act accordingly and trust in Allah. I pray that Allah Protects you.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. Salaams,

    I would like to re-iterate the fact that this condition is a true medical condition, and as such someone with such a condition would be exempted from having to make frequent wudu. Often times, women who have had difficult childbirths or even multiple children have trouble keeping wudu whether it be by urinary incontinence, inability to contain wind, or even fecal incontinence. In such instances some shaykhs may advise to make one wudu for each salat, and even if it technically "breaks" during salat it wil not count against that person because their body is not capable of maintaining normal function.

    So I suggest you look into implementing an option like that, rather than looking for a way to maintain an erection by haram means just so you can complete the exercises.

    -Amy Editor

    • jazak Allah brother / sister amy..

      I can apply this ruling for salaah but

      I cant see a doctor cz I cant even think of telling my father about my problem ..
      So I have to deal with it on my own.I also have to do these exercises for the sake of pre mature ejaculation.

      Then what do I do ? kegel exercises hav bin regarded as a successful treatmnt for pre mature ej ..

      • Salaams,

        You are 17 and presumably single. Premature ejaculation should not even be a concern for you right now. Whatever experience you've had with "premature ejaculation" (and let's be honest- there is no way you would even know what kind of ejaculations you have unless you have masturbated...because one can't guage their "ejaculation time" from a wet dream) can't even be generalized over the the experience you may or may not have with your future wife. You shouldn't even be 'treating it' at this point.

        So the bottom line, in my view, is the issue of this urinary incontinence. I don't know why your family cannot know about this; I can't imagine that a mother/father who watch the type of programming you mentioned would have a problem with a urinary issue or not support you seeking medical treatment for it.

        -Amy Editor

  4. Angry Bird,

    It is not necessary to have an erection in order to perform kegel exercises. You are in my opinion too young to be having these problems. If you have not seen a doctor, I highly advise you see one without delay. There can be many reasons for your incontinence and a urologist would be a great place to start.

    As for you parents watching inappropriate material on television, I applaud you. How awesome you are to recognize this and bring this to their attention. Simply keep reminding them about what they are watching and Inshallah, Allah will give you baraka for your efforts. With your continued reminders about the material in the programming, in time they might come to hear you and heed your advise.


  5. dear Najah..thanks for ur answer but m still confused

    Regarding parents..I dnt know how to act with them even after watching them continously disobey Allah in this matter..

    By doing this they unintentionaly flare up my desire..I live in such a home where I cant avoid the tv even if I want to.I sometimes cry for being pre occupied by the thought of lowering my gaze all the time.Only me n my Allah knows how difficult it is to crazy hormones.

    I pray regularly.Basically my mother n sisters are the only women in this world which I can see..any other female fomes around n I have to fight my nature n lower my gaze.

    But Islam is a deen of nature.Why we have to fight our nature..
    This world is truly a prison for a muslim

  6. Salaam brother,

    With regards your parents, the Quran advises us in Al-Ankaboot that while we have responsibilities to our parents, we should not follow them if they endeavour to make us deviate from Allah's guidance; instead we should respect them but respectfully do what is right in matters of faith. If you feel that watching these TV scenes is detrimental to your spiritual health, then you are within your rights to avoid them. If you have to be in the room while they are on, take a book or some homework so that you can lower your gaze and concentrate on something else.

    Medically, it is important that you see somebody - a young man should not usually have problems with incontinence, and it may be that if something is wrong then medical treatment might fix your problem. You can see any doctor in privacy - your medical matters are confidential and your doctor would not tell your parents without your consent.

    Midnightmoon editor

  7. How can I see a doctor by myself when I am not able to earn a penny.

    I m just a high school student !

    Moreover .. I DO lower my gaze n divert my attention otherwise I wud not have been here asking for help.

    I just dont understand it. Uptill two years from now I did NOT lower my gaze..watched tv n movies n all stuff and my life was I think normal.
    I did not think sex much.But since I started avoiding it ..I just became more pre the thought of avoiding women all the time.I am thinking of it 24/7 ..I pray a lot of the Quran..

    The more I avoid..the more its gets to me.Tests me.May be when I masturbated in the past it released my sexual tension but now I dont ..

    Oh my God..Is there actually a realistic advice anywhere or its just going to be a painful struggle till the next decade untill I get married

    • If you are in the US, there are free clinics for people who cannot afford insurance. You may have to search a bit online to find one, but they do exist. An alternative would be to approach your school nurse and ask them to help you.

      It's a biologically driven urge when people are in later adolescence that sex and related issues preoccupy them. On an evolutionary sense this was beneficial as life was a lot shorter so it was important to "get on with it" for the population to continue. Nowadays, life is longer and it's more important to spend these years building a foundation for the rest of your life through study, wholesome activities and developing good habits.

      Try to fill your time with positive activities - many masjids and community centres have youth groups/classes; you could do some volunteering for a cause you support or in a field you want to work on; you could take up a sport or a new interest. If you fill your time and devote your energy to positive things, there will be less time for you to dwell on your nafs.

      It's incredibly hard to be a young Muslim in a western society, but the reward for our struggles is totally, totally worth it. Allah will not ask more of us than we can give, but we are challenged so that we can grow.

      Midnightmoon editor

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