Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Attracted to my big brother’s wife

I'm living with my big brother, because he went hajj. I was looking at argos catalogue to buy something. Suddenly I saw bissmilah written in the opposite way..  I asked my sister in law, "who wrote this?".  She told me that she wrote it accidently. I said how could that be, then she told me that she was teaching the children, (she is a step mum).

My big brother was at hajj so I was waiting him to come back. By that period time she became so close to me that she told me about her past life..  She started behaving different to me. She is saying to me that my brother is not happy with her, she speaks to me so sweetly & softly..  Also not guarding her modesty & I am getting attracted to her but also I am fearing Allah & this is helping not to have sexual intercourse with her.

Then I told her that "if you have no other way, come to my life, I would accept you." And then she is telling me it is not possible!.  Then I told her that "I will speak to my brother about you.".  She said she don't know what to do because she loves my brother &.  she wants brother to love her.

After that, my brother came back from hajj and I told my brother "if you are not happy with your wife then give her to me because I don't mind marrying her." After that, my big brother took me wrong & we end up having fight. Then my sister in law was saying I love your big brother & I never think of getting married with you.

Now I became very dissapointed of her & also I am crazy to get married with her. But now I want to forget her..  Please tell me how I could forget her. Could you please tell me, is she doing black magic on me. Please tell me if I commit any sin by doing this. Is there any chance for me to repent?

- ebrahim

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3 Responses »

  1. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    Ah, if only it were possible to go back in time and undo the damage that has been done. Each of you has a part of responsibility for this situation. First and foremost, your brother should not have allowed you to stay in his home during his absence. You as the brother-in-law are not mahram for his wife and it is not permitted for you to be alone with her. Prophet Muhammad, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, tells us this in the following hadith:

    `Uqbah Ibn `Aamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife's in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: "The in-law of the wife is death itself." (Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159.)

    As you see, the potential for a problem is great, so great that Prophet Muhammad, pbuh, considered this relationship to be "death". You have experienced for yourself firsthand what happens when people do not take this issue seriously.

    If your brother needed someone to look after his family while he was gone, he could have chosen a different relative to look in on her, preferably one who was mature, married, and who knew the bounds of modesty. It is possible for a non-mahram man to check in on her by knocking on the door or calling to see if she needs something, or by sending his wife around or having her call, so it is not necessary for him to see her. If it was necessary for you to visit her, she should always maintain proper hijaab, and you should visit with another mature person so you and she would not be alone together. This would have saved so much heartache.

    Of course, she should not have relaxed her hijaab around you, she should not have talked to you about her life, and she should not have shared with you the difficulties in her marriage. If she had begun such behavior, you should have left immediately and asked Allah to protect you from temptation. It sounds like both of you were weak in this matter.

    It should never have entered your mind to think about marrying her, and of course you should not have approached your brother in this regard. You may have damaged your relationship with your brother beyond repair, because he will never be able to trust you around his wife again. Nonetheless, you must first of all repent to Allah for your behavior, and then apologize to your brother and seek his forgiveness. My advice to you is to stay away from the house and do not come close to this woman. Forget her; she will have her own challenge now to save her marriage, as the trust between her and her husband is broken. If they can repair the marriage, alhamdulillah. If they cannot and he divorces her, you should still never consider approaching her for marriage in the future. Forget her; what is born out of the haraam can have no blessing. I doubt seriously that any "magic" is involved in this situation; it simply came about because of the incorrect situation that you allowed yourselves to get into.

    Once you have made sincere taubah to Allah, then you must think about getting married yourself. Indeed, if you had been married at this time, you would have not been tempted by your sister-in-law. If you are struggling with your physical desires, it is fard, obligatory, for you to marry. Work on yourself, pray the five prayers, fast to lower you desires, and supplicate to Allah to make you a worthy husband and to find a good wife who will help you complete half your deen.

    This is not a "hopeless" situation, by any means. Allah WILL accept the sincere repentance of one of His slaves:

    "Do not despair of Allah's mercy; He will forgive you of all your sins".Qur'an (39:53).

    Rush to ask Him for forgiveness. Busy yourself with self-improvement and try to repair your relationship with your brother. Be very patient with his anger, because you have earned it. Do not return a harsh word that he says to you; rather, hold your tongue and ask Allah to bless him. InshAllah in time he will forgive you and you can build a stronger relationship. And Allah knows best.

    Fi Aman Allah,


  2. find another woman and get married then everythin will be ok inshallah.

    ma salama

    • In the name of Allah
      Assalam u alaikum!
      Dear the attraction of you to her is actually a bad thought which you made in your mind by thinking continuously.. now you can get rid off this by simply dua and not thinking about her... change your mind when such things come to your mind.

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