Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’ve been bad to my wife and I want to change

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

I''m a 31yr old guy who was happily  married for 4yrs now and now with a daughter who is 3yrs old. My wife is pregnant with a second baby to come insha allah.

I was not that religious and I'm not an honest husband. My wife other hand is very religious and very honest . But I did try to satisfy almost all my families requirements.  I was working in IT for a long time and have changed my career.  From my young days I have had many girl friends and I flirt with girls alot.  My wife did not know about these things before. But 2weeks ago she found all my mails and chats and is so angry with me.

Yes, I did flirt with girls after marriage also so I know I'm at fault.

Now,  I'm trying to do everything I can make our marriage work - not for me but for my daughter and my other baby to come. I'm so so sorry that this has happened

Now I'm  going to the mosque for prayers I supplicate all duas. So please, if  any one has any advise or duas please feel free to send them.

Thank you so much.




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4 Responses »

  1. Salam my brother

    You shouldn't of hurt and cheated on your wife, there shouldn't be an excuse. You are married and she is the one, no one else. You should learn more about your religion and you have started to pray and go mosque which is a good start and truly the Almighty Allah has guided you to the straight path. Tell your wife that you are deeply sorry, regretful and ashamed of what you've done and also repent to Allah for having girlfriends as dating in haram in our religion. Do or show her something that will regain her trust, you know her better than anyone. Breaking trust and repairing it is very hard and i can see your wife going through a tough time to trust you again. Never ever repeat this sins and betrayal again, how would you feel with your wife went and flirted with other guys and had boyfriends you would obviously hated so whenever you feel attracted to another woman or feel to flirt with them you must ask yourself
    1. You are a married man
    2. How would your wife feel
    3. think about ur childrens future
    You have 2 kids now congrats on the second child. You should be more focus on raising your children by educating them and taking care of them as a father should. You are the man of the house where your wife and children have trust in you. You must stop this flirtatious or betrayal behavior as its a major sin in Islam and a hurtful and dreadful to ur wife and kids and to ur future. This may destroy your children life, your wife and yourself. Build up your love with your wife and maybe go see a counselor to strengthen your relationship. Your wife is a religion and honest women and you also should be the same. Dua to Allah sabhana wa tala he knows all and sees all, he is the one who will help you with your problems leave it to god and dua that you won't repeat your sins again insallah you will do the right thing.

    May blessing be upon you hopefully follow the path of Allah

  2. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

    Assalamu'alaikum Ibrahim,

    You are the right track. Anytime you want to turn a bad situation around you have to acknowledge that there is a problem. Based on what I have read, you have clearly acknowledged that your marriage is in trouble and your actions are the cause of it.

    Now what do you do? First you make tauwbah. You ask Allah(SWT) for forgiveness and mean it. Then you ask your wife for forgiveness. Understand that asking her for forgiveness and her accepting it might take some time. Talk is cheap and it only means something when it is followed up by an action.

    You say that you have started going to the mosque for daily prayers!! Alhamdulillah!!! In addition to that you need to attend classes at the masjid and sit with your wife and learn from her. Not only will that bring you closer to her but she will also see that you are serious about your deen and your marriage. Many of our sisters are very knowledgeable about Islam. Don't let your male ego get in the way of learning from your wife. Eventually as you grow you will be able to teach each other. As your children get older then both of you can share in the Islamic education of your children.

    The last thing that I am going to tell you is this. In order for you to stay on track pleasing Allah(SWT), you will have to change the people you associate with. If you continue hanging out with the same group of people, Shaytaan will whisper in your ear and tell you that there is nothing wrong with flirting with women. You will fall back to your old ways and your marriage will be in trouble again.

    It's quite simple. Ask Allah for forgiveness. Don't just tell your wife how sorry you are. Show her!!!

    Your Brother in Islam
    Abdul Wali

  3. Salaams ibrahim13

    All I can say is you should have known better to be married and then to commit zina whilst you married brother. Allah blessed you with everything and yet you didn’t realise how lucky you was to have had a decent wife and not even once said thank you for everything even when you looked at other girls didn’t you remember your own daughter or your wife, these actions you have done are not taken lightly. At least you were honest in your reply to say you haven’t been a good husband maybe now I hope you learn the consequences is you make amends and try resolving the issue as the trust will take time for your wife. I wish you the best in succeeding your marriage, you must make tawbh for your children’s sake and also to imprve being a good husband and muslim.

    ps sorry if my comments were harsh if so i am really sorry but i had to be honest

  4. Assalamu'alaikum Ibrahim,

    I'm not going to be harsh with you because we have all sinned and I don't believe in kicking people when they are down. The most important things at this point is that you have acknowldeged your wrongdoings, stopped the sinful behavior and is seeking the guidance/forgiveness of Allah(SWT). Before you look for your wife's forgiveness you must first forgive yourself. This will give you a clear head and the ability to move forward and rebuild the trust between you and her for the sake of the family. It might not be easy initially, but with Allah's help as well as constant dua and communication, anything is possible. I pray that your family continues to grow and are blessed, Ameen.

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