Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Badly heart broken by my husband’s cheating

Assalamalekum!

I m married In 2015 April and delivered a daughter Alhamdollilah in Dec 2016. Me and my husband was did a love marriage after so many issues in my husbands family but finally he convinced everyone and happily we have got married.

Everything was going fine in our married life but 5th month of my pregnancy my husband got involved with one girl who is Shia by religion but I never came to know this thing . He hides his phones from me He came very late at night during all the pregnancy period , too many times I shouts and cries for the same reason that he is not taking care of me but never cares and sleeps silently , never console me and even started shouting on me.

He was physically involved with that girl and for whole 5 months he not touches me and always makes an excuse of pregnancy.I use to keep quite and tell myself that he cares for me and love me that's y he is doing this but things was very different.

Post one month of my delivery I came to know this truth that he is involved with someone else and after listening this I completely disappointed and cried a lot and had a words with him for the same ,He said that he will leave that girl but he need 3 days for that I gave him the same but instead to leave that girl he married her between that three days and said that I m in trouble that's y I married her. As per Islam (Hanfi Maslakh)that Nikaah is not valid but he is not accepting this and since 5 months he is taking time to leave her but not leaving her , even he is spending more time with her .

She never cares for me and my 5 months old daughter . I in bad pain and not even to control my emotions for him. He spends one night there and One night here and came very late when he have to spend night here.

I m not able to decide what to do .. I love him a lot but I m not able to tolerate any other woman in my husbands life. I m in deep Pain ... My life is going in painful grief and all happiness has gone from my life .

He was my world but he cheated me and after this incident he told me too many affairs after this small tenure of my marriage and he was physically involved with one more girl apart from this girl.

Please by the sake of Allah advice me . I m in very bad situation. I have a daughter to look after. Even I m not able to take care of my daughter ,My mental situation is very bad after this shock. I am still not able to digest this that when I was carrying my husbands child in my womb , he was making fun with some other girl. I left my job for him after marriage So that I can take care of her home and him properly but he did this to me. I m very much emotionally attached with him but now he is taking space with me. He lies a lot ,in every single thing he use to lie with me.

On this April we had completed 2 years on our marriage and he did This to me. I m in pain. I just locked my self in home after this shocked. Please help me.What I have to do as he again taken the time till the end of the month to leave her but the indications is not like that he will leave her. He is saying that girl is not mentally well so he can't leave her like this, sometimes he makes an excuse that she will do legal action against him but still he spends more time there and very punctual in going there. As per shariah that nikaah is not valid and I have a Stamped Fatwah for that but he denied that.Please help me what I do 😥?

Sana Jamil

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7 Responses »

  1. Wallakumassalaam Sana,

    How sad a situation you have. I'm so very sorry.

    I think that since you love him and still have some loving feeling toward him, that you should take a separation. I think that if he is to change his ways, he will only do that through a separation, as he is not appreciating you or taking care of your feelings currently. If he amends his ways and stops communications with these other girls, you can retry living together.

    At this time, see if you can try that. Just breathe, take it one step at a time, and don't worry about the "what ifs" or what you will do later. Just focus on the present and doing what is in your control right now.

    I think that a separation will reveal his true interests. If he is interested in marriage to you on your terms, he will change. If not, you have your answer.

    Your daughter is still very young and hopefully won't remember any of this or have any knowledge of it, but you've her to think about too.

    May Allah wrap you in His love and help you through this time.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  2. Hello,

    I am sorry that you are going through a situation like this. I have in the past gone through a similar situation. Don't worry about money for the moment. The best scenario is to be honest with your family about this matter. They will and have to help you.I agree with Nor. The only way this man can change is if he see's that you've actually left him. He is using you and is playing games. The more chances you give him the more he will take advantage. Pack lightly with all the important documents from your daughter, yourself and anything else that you may think is valuable like your marriage license passports and money. Go to a family members house or seek for government help. You don't have to live this life. As per notifying him a letter left on the counter will do. don't tell him where you've gone or how he can contact you. If he truly cares he will look for you, but then again if he truly cared he would have respected you. The woman is respected as much as she allows herself to be respected, by us not putting boundaries and constantly looking down we allow them to go deeper into sin. Life is not over and this season shall also pass. You must be strong and courageous in this moment. You must stand up for the future of your daughter and not yours. Ask yourself this question; would like your daughter to grow up in that environment? Where then she considers that being cheated on is a way to live and that she must also accept the same in her life with humiliations, beatings, lies, and taking that pureness and making it dirty with the salts of another women that her husband caressed?
    Something very powerful is written Jesus stated;
    Whosoever shall put away his wife, EXCEPT FOR FORNICATION, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Mathew 19:9

    This means that if your husband put you away and committed adultery you are set free from all bondage and god forgives you because he see's your suffering and adultery is an excuse for divorce without making you a sinner.

    I hope that helped. Contact me if you need to. take care and God Bless

    Khoda Hafez

  3. As per Islam (Hanfi Maslakh)that Nikaah is not valid . i dont know what you are talking about but as long as i think this nikkah is

    perfectly valid. i m so sorry dear whoever misguided you and i m sorry to hear about your situation that your husband is a

    womanizer and doesnt deserve s single woman. he has become a slave of his lust thats why he had multiple relations was not

    even loyal to her second wife during the time. i advise you to get separation or wait till the financial condition gets better i mean till you

    have alot of money to support your kid alone. he could have STDS. take care of your health and of yourself. get out of that

    place and try to find a good person for marriage coz in your case you will cry everyday it wont get better her wife will get

    pregnant it will only cause you more pain. Accept the reality leave him on his condition he is no good for her as well.

    stop being miserable. no one will help you only have to help yourself you are a human you can survive alone you can survive

    without him trust me this world is full of good men you will find the one and will be thankful later.

  4. I agree above all commentators ,you should seprate if you live with him may be take some more serious problems your life will become more painful day by day today your one kid but tomarrow may be another kid and it is very painful for you and your children and you daughter will grow and can bad affect on her health and may be some mind issues ,so think abiut this your daughter may be distrub through this situation ,i fate these men who,s deceive and cheat his wife and another girls ,they tell his girlfriend he is not married mostly men say this and and most of them play with girl but some men fall in love with girl but most of the girls are not aware their real face and girl trap and girl become unable to run away this situation bcz she love his boyfriend and did wrong this what he said for her love but most of men leave him and destroy girl,s life and regert whole life.I request to all men plz do not play with girls emotions and feelings if you feel she love you so do not deceive her if he is married plz do not deceive his wife plz.

  5. I had nikah with this guy and I think my nikah was not a real one because I was never asked anything by the molana and noe I don't think I love that guy because the real procedures we never followed. So can I get help
    Does this marriage bind me or not so that I can know what to do.

    • aysha, your question is too vague. For example, if your father gave consent on your behalf and you were present but did not object, then your consent is assumed as well.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam Aysha,

      If you don't want this marriage you can just get a divorce. You don't have to figure out if it was valid or not.

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