Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Beauty is important or not?

mirror mirror on the wall

I don't really know if this the right place to submit my question. I wanted to ask about beauty and physical features. My face is worse than normal people and I don't have any attractive be honest ,I am really ugly and that's why I feel so left out and I looses my self confidence. And I had discussed this with my friends. In their opinion physical features do not matter. But if they don't why doesn't garbage seem pretty? Why do people compliment my beautifull friends but not me. Why do small kids seems more cute. Why is it that we only like some things. Why do I like people who are pretty. Why does some animals are tested good while some don't? All these questions come to my mind and I don't feel justified .Did God really have equality to all his creatures.? I always feel to be treated unfairly eapecially by guys. And other people also don't give me respect.


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12 Responses »

  1. We are in the same boat sister, but I am a man. All we can dua is make lots of daily dua. Hopefully, Allah will have mercy on us. And beautify us and bless us with beautiful loving spouses.

  2. My sister Allah created everybody beautiful in there own way.regardless of all those name calling.In Islam we do not use any of those words to hurt anyone.True muslims practising learned muslims will never say such words to anyone.You see if the individual is not practising not guided then How can anything good come out of his month.Not alone that your devil is whispering thoughts into your head so it becomes a problem so much that it bugs and hurts that you start to take medication .you start to to think of ending your life.Do you see were I'm getting too. BE with sisters who are involve with the mosque helping the community. Giving DAWAH attending lectures and halaqas. If you want a life of peace happiness prosperity respect.The stick to the reading of the quran.practise and make Allah number one in your life and he will make you his close friend and take you to the understand

  3. is indeed a tough thing to be born un-attractive.

    when people say Allah has made everyone i comprehend that is: Allah has not given everyone a million dollars in the bank...or a height of 6'2...or the perfect 36' 25' 34 figure or a face thats been chiseled from

    what he gave us all....are our own tests...that as per my logic peter out making us all the same in terms of advantages and disadvantages.

    some people are ugly but rich...some are rich but have diseases...some are beautiful but cant find love and happiness...some are poor and beautiful but cant utilize their beauty...some a rich but dying of an illness their money cannot cure...

    sis what i am trying to convey to you...the readers and to myself is that...Allah gave us this life...and the blessings in may be un-attractive but imagine this...if you were would have been popular with the guys...girls and everyone...which means you would have had a lot of suitors....which in turn means you would have had a looooot of chances to commit fornication...maybe get pregnant out of wedlock...thrown out by your would your beauty help you then?

    ( i am also talking about myself here...i cant get pregnant but could have made someone so...Alhamdullilah i havent delved into that sin)

    Remember...someone may look perfect to you...but YOU HAVE NO IDEA what their life and their struggles are about.

    i hope that helps my sister.
    Allah is there for us all...and if you believe that from the core of your being...from your will never be depressed by what he has give you/us (taken from you/us)

    salam alaikum.

  4. salam sister u may look dat way but beautiful in the inside.
    In my country we say all ladies are beautiful. u may not be beautiful in the face but have other features that are worth it!!! just pray to Allah to give a good spouce insh allah who will appreciate you the way you are and neva complain about your beauty. and remember everyone on dunya has a beautiful thing in him or her.

  5. Salam dear Esha,

    We are all created in all shapes and forms. The more we place our hearts to this world the more anxious, disturbed, paranoid and insecure we would feel.

    There will always be someone more prettier and smarter than us. You may consider yourself not pretty but to someone elses you maybe prettier than her.

    As for attractiveness that something we could work on. Sometimes it is our personality and the way we carry ourself or maintain ourself that actually creates our attractiveness to others.

    Many people are not looking for outer beauty but are yearning for inner beauty. It is the inner beauty that wins people's heart.

    Our looks will render with time and people will forget us the minute they find someone else more prettier than ourself, but it is how we treat others that actually makes people wants to stay and have connection with you for whatever long as possible.

    In my work place there are many non Muslim females who would definitely won't be considered beautiful or even pretty to some people's standards but Alhmadulillah they have made something out of themselves. They are at senior positions. They are friendly. They dress appropriately. They have established partners/ husbands that they have or are now planning to have kids with. They are successful not because of their beauty because like I said they won't be considered beautiful, but because of their hard work to be nice and helpful to others and how they maintain themselves.

    I assure you work on yourself and in Shaa Allah you will feel more positive and confident about yourself. Start to accept your blessings. Have good balance of diet: Eat healthy, go out with friends, have a laugh, don't take things so seriously, learn and practice Islam, family outings, see what people in large are needing and see how you can help, enhance your skills (cooking exotic food, baking tasty cakes and pastry, sewing a nice piece of garment, photography, painting, makeup, pottery etc).

    Doing even some of the above, In Shaa Allah will have good impact in your self-esteem and soon you will realise that yes beauty exists but it's definitely not everything and definitely not a selling point to feel amazing about yourself.

    Also, our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW said, ‘Allaah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’
    - Narrated by Muslim, al-Birr wa’l-Silah, 4651

    And furthermore,

    'A man passed by the Messenger of Allaah (saw) and he, prophet Muhammad (saw) asked a man who was sitting with him, ‘What do you think of this man?’ That man said, ‘He is one of the nobility. By Allaah, if he proposes marriage he deserves to get married and if he intercedes, his intercession deserves to be accepted.’ The Messenge of Allah (saw) said nothing. Then another man passed by, and the Messenger of Allaah (saw) asked, ‘What do you think of this man?’ He said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, he is one of the poor Muslims. If he proposes marriage he does not deserve to get married, if he intercedes his intercession does not deserve to be accepted and if he speaks he does not deserve to be heard.’ The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said: ‘This one (the second man) is better than an earthful of (men like) that one (the first man).’”
    - Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Riqaaq, 5966

    So dear Esha, both religiously and secularly, it is not the looks that makes one beautiful but our brains and our hearts.

    I hope you work on yourself because by the sound of your post you seem like an amazing person, honest and thoughtful. 🙂 xxx

    Best wishes


  6. Sweet sister!
    Beauty matters only as far as introductions go, what carries any attraction/ friendship is the nature of a person. Real flowers attract butterflies/ bees/ birds whether they are fragrant or not, artificial flowers do not, so it is not about just the exterior it is about the real you.
    And I do agree that beautiful people are constantly surrounded by fake people out to take advantage of them.
    Allah SWT made each one of us beautiful and unique in our own way. That makes us equal but not identical. We need to cherish our individuality.
    One more thing, you can always groom and improvise on yourself within the bounds of sharia. Just do not go overboard with it. Most people have average looks but they groom themselves real well and appear more attractive.
    You are probably a young girl and bound to be attracted to the opposite gender but be careful, this normal feeling can end up in disaster if you give it too much importance and try to gain attention. People will sense your desperation and may misuse you.
    Build your personality, your knowledge of deen and duniya and build your relation with Allah and then see the difference.
    Lastly, if you like it develop your culinary/cooking skills.... the way to a lot of hearts, young and old of either gender is via the stomach and taste buds!

  7. Salam alaikum sister,

    Stop for a minute to say Alhamdulilah for giving you such good friends who don't care about your looks but look at your soul!

    This is a common problem you are going through, and trust me it will pass, inshAllah. When you are feeling down all you have to do is thank Allah for the good he has surrounded you with, even the small things like air to breathe. Some people don't even have that! Think of that! Your friends are right; though beauty means very little. Imagine if angels were dressed as the ugliest homeless people on the earth...would you still love them or would you throw away the sawab of helping an angel? The point is this: you are as beautiful as your thoughts and actions dictate.

    Anyways, which one is more important: caring what boys think of you or caring what Allah (creator of your life, death, breathe, and everything inside and outside the universe) thinks of you?

    The answer is Allah swt. So don't worry if you can't attract boys like flies to fruit! Beauty can always be improved, but isn't beaty just a tiny drop in the ocean when you think of all the blessings that Allah has given you? You can pull through this stage in your life, sister.


  8. Esha my darling we are all the same - no amount of wealth, physical beauty, status or whatever makes people egotistical can change that we will all die and some of see old age Inshallah and will see physical beauty fade. I will tell you something and I hope my sisters/brothers on this post who are giving you advice do not think I am saying these things about myself for any other reason but to help you. I have always been someone whose beauty people commented on men and women, Alhumdhililah Allah swt blessed me with good features. When I was 19 i noticed my hair was falling out, I panicked and cried every night because I became so deluded with my own physical beauty. I am 28 now and my hair continued to think and I have patches under the top of my hair which I hide through a style. Alhumdhiliah it has been hard battling with female pattern baldness for ten years but Allah swt has got me through it by gifting me sabr and perseverance to try things He the Almighty has said are for shifaa - black seed oil, honey etc. I keep trying and I am content. Beauty fades character stays I have grown more happier with what I have and not what I do not have or have lost. We are all unique, equal and beautiful. Our Lord put us on this earth for no other purpose but to worship him and beautify our hearts in his dhikr and nothing else. Stay away from social media I know it is hard but make up and obsession with beauty with women is further endorsed through these channels.

  9. Assalamualaikum Dearest Sister Esha and Brother Juba,

    First of all, I am so sorry that you both feel ugly. Trust me, all of us have flaws and we often do not see the bigger picture in life. We see ourselves from a different scope. Media and society have brainwashed us to believe that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough and etc. And may Allah's curse be upon Shaitaan for making us feel this way.


    I agree with the other posts. Mashallah, you have a lot of people supporting you, making dua'as for you, etc. You should feel privileged and honoured because Allah made all of HIS creatures beautiful in their own way. Otherwise, we would all look the same and life would be boring.

    Do not underestimate Allah's powers and there is a reason why you are being tested. If this is your only weakness/challenge/test in this life, say Alhamdullilah and smile! Because Allah (Allahu Alaam) wants you to pass HIS test and HE will only test you as much as you are able to handle it.

    Keep trucking, my dear sister and dear brother! You are beautiful/handsome. You may not see it but we all do! And what if you were so gorgeous/handsome beyond belief from the outside but your inner soul was corrupted, selfish, greedy, ugly and etc. I was listening to a lecture one time and the scholar said that we do not have the right to say someone is ugly. That is saying that Allah (swt) does not know how to make his creations. Astagferullah! When I heard this, I said "Allah-u-Akbaar, that is so true!" May Allah guide us and forgive all of us for our shortcomings. Ameen ya raab!

    Please dear sister, Esha and brother Juba, remember this .... one day you will look back and say Astagferullah for your thoughts. I am not saying that you are not entitled to your feelings. You are! Indeed you are but look deeper into your ever so beautiful hearts and be happy because you may have something that very few people have ... which is a heart made out of gold!

    I will let others comment and give you the strength to move forward knowing that you are beautiful people. Plus, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some cultures are so judgmental. Whether you are dark skinned, tall, short, a little chunky, slim, etc. If you are around toxic people who constantly remind you that you are not worthy, then do yourselves a favour and remove yourself from that environment or build the courage to teach them about our beautiful religion: Islam.

    Remember that the Prophet (Allah be pleased with him) chose Bilal (Allah be pleased with him) to call to prayer. Allah-u-Akbaar, it brings tears to my eyes because people do not realize the magnitude of that example and action. As you are aware, Bilal (Allah be pleased with him) was a dark skinned brother. There was so much racism and to this day, people amongst their own communities are racist. Astagferullah.

    I will end by saying, keep your beautiful heads up high and remind yourselves that Allah loves you and you are beautiful to all of us!

    May Allah's peace and blessings be with you, my dearest sister and brother at all times.

    And mashallahhhhhhh to all of the wonderful people who commented and made this sister feel worthy. May Allah bless all of you.



  10. what about trying some wadifas or duas that can make your face look good.
    i have tried it continually , nd i see change after one year alhamdulillah. : )

    • I'm glad your appearance is improving, but there is no such thing as wazifas that change your face. This verges on shirk or magic. The best approach to improving one's appearance is exercise, eat well, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, use natural skin products, and of course make dua'.

      Wael Editor

  11. asalamalaikum sister,

    Look, we need to firstly remember that this life is a test. So don't think that Allah has by passed your struggle.
    the only person that can create your value is you. "pretty" girls do not have it easy either let me tell you this. sometimes its hard to find guys for them who truly love them, there husbands are constantly paranoid. statistically they are the most emotionally manipulated by men as well. Looks and how you appear is a big part of youth. i understand it can not be easy feeling that way. when i was in my younger years i wasn't the best looking and to be quit frankly honest it really did effect my self esteem and a really de valued myself to the extent u would think no one would want to marry me I'm hideous. But as i grew up further i realised where my true value came from. Allah will give me my true value. i focussed on myself. this world is temporary and in the after life inshallah these sort of worries will disappear. in the meanwhile, keep yourself busy, work on yourself. If you feel ugly what is the reason?
    is it your skin? work on it. do you feel fat? loose weight. let me also remind you every ones idea of beautiful is different. everyone has different tastes. society has taught us to love and be attracted to things that are not genetically naturally possible.

    Love yourself beautiful.

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