Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Being emotionally forced into marrying my cousin by my parents and siblings

Forced marriage

They're pressuring me into this marriage


I was engaged to my cousin but I never wanted to marry him because I never liked him that way

My family wanted me to marry him because I would have stayed with them in the family And because of that they didn't agree to the propsal I was interested in

Finally I said yes because my siblings said if something happened to our parents the blame would be on me

Then time passed

I tried all I could to accept him and he never tried anything

I would talk to him but he would ignore me

I wanted him to get to know me and I wanted to know him because we were like strangers

If I complained that he doesn't care he and his family would start arguing that what's wrong and why aren't you happy and everything else

But they never gave me the respect anyone else could

They mistreated me and always took me for granted I am a doctor and I have tough duties so I tried to convey this to him that after marriage I would still work and he said I would rather prefer a girl who isn't working lady and takes care if my parents

Things were not fine so I called off my engagement

After that I was very very happy I felt free

But my mother used to cry all the time

What ever person came after that to ask for my hand in marriage they would ask me and I would say whatever they felt was right they should do it

And then they said if you had to listen to us you should have married your cousin

They turned my happiness into my guilt of hurting my family

Then I started liking a colleague

He was an arbi. My friend always stopped me from him because she said he isnt morally good but I found hin nice she asked around about him and everyone told him that he isnt the guy right for marriage. All if his friends were corrupt. My friend told him not to talk to me for the difference of culture won't let this marriage happen and also I was engaged. When we talked about his family to come ask for my hand he said they can't travel that far and they're old my brother would come only and just once so I talked to my sister about him but she said we have much difference in our culture in our society the basic language is different. So I stopped him. My friend did give him the necessary numbers to talk to my family but he didn't and he said because I stopped him. I don't know if he is honest or not but I believed him

Someone also told my sister that this arbi guy isn't good and not marriage material type and all of his frinds are morally corrupt. I know his friends aren't good people but he talks nice and is caring. My friend told me her information says he is like this with every other girl. And the way we got close was he used to tell me about the girl he liked and he knew I wasn't happy about my engagement either. We knew our families were different but likeness developed but my friend claims that he is an evil and I can't ignore her words either but I can't trust her either

Now I know and I have realized that I can never marry that arbi guy.because my family won't accept him

My parents again told me to marry that same old cousin of mine

I didn't want to

But my mother again started crying

So I only told them to give me time

But they have prepared my marriage

I don't wanna marry him.all I do I cry

I feel nothing and I feel dead inside.i don't say anything to my family I just ignore them but when am alone I cry and I cry a lot

My friend tells me not to marry him because he is egoistic and that I deserve better

Now I don't know what to do

I can't talk for myself. I am waiting for a miracle

I just don't know what to do


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9 Responses »

  1. well i am in the same situation like you my parents and siblings are forcing me to marry my cousion to whom i don't love at all. i never accepted him as a life partner. my parents and family is forcing me to marry him. I cry all the father don't understand me. they all made my life so harnessing. i just wanna die . please someone suggest me what should i do by referring islamic hadith or ayyath

    • Anon, you can refuse to marry him. Forced marriage is invalid in Islam. They have no right to force you. Stand your ground and make it clear that you will not marry him.

      Wael Editor

  2. Salam.

    I'm getting sick of parents blackmailing their children in order to get them married to their cousins. Sister, back down from the marriage and respectfully let your parents know this. Go to an aunt or uncle (who are not the boy's parents) and get them to talk to your parents. If they don;t help, get a respected elder from your community to talk on your behalf to your own parents. Let them know that you will not marry the boy and stand firm on this decision. If your moth cries, let her. Her emotions are misplaced and not in your control so nothing can be done about them. I'm also shocked at how your siblings have told you that if your mother dies, it will be your fault. Ignore your siblings' input regarding this marriage as well. If you get married to this person, chances are the marriage will end up in divorce and both families will break family ties as a result f the fallout which is a major sin.

    I've seen a cousin marriage fail within my own family and I can tell you from experience that if your marriage ends in divorce, ti will likely lead to the breaking of family ties. So be brave and back away from this person. Develop a thick skin and ask Allah (SWT) for help through your salat.

    May Allah (SWT) ease your burden. Ameen


  3. Salaam, whatever you do, don't agree to marry him. It's sad that parents force their children to marry someone they don't want to. What is the benefit in that? Don't they see their destroying their child's life.

    Anyway sister, do not agree to marry him. Stand firm, and let Allah take care of the rest. Heres a link with a Hadith to show that forced marriages are prohibited in Islam:

    May Allah swt soften your parents heart and make things easy for you Ameen

  4. My situation is same I have been tortured to marry my cousin who I don't like that way and don't even want to share same room but my family is forcing my parents are now with me but my cousin's mother is forcing me so much she comes to our home every friday and cries like an idiot that I want this girl please give this girl she doesn't care what I want she just want me she says that everything will be fine after marriage I will keep her like my own daughter I just want her. She says she see me as her daughter in law in her dreams and it's Allah who wants. My family show me that Allah shows them signs that this marriage should be held soon and our family status should be raised as soon as possible.

    • Salam,

      Whenever she comes over cry with her and say that's not what you want. The key is to cry more than she is crying. Also try crying twice a week instead of just one like she's doing. Good luck.

  5. Please do not marry out of fear of your family. I am American, and was basically forced to marry a man I only knew for six weeks total by the time we were married. I was about 2 months younger than 17. My husband was 25. He was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. He did things to me that have left me emotionally scarred beyond repair. He also tried to kill me 4 times. I am a survivor, and very strong. But no matter my strength, it has been an uphill battle.

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