Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Being forced to marry someone although I love someone else of another religion

Himanshu Singh Gurjar_Silhouette_ZUdiQWs

I am a 28 year old woman. I am in love with a non-muslim.

My parents have been trying to find me a partner since i was 21 years of age. Its been 6 years of a  gruelling number of proposals and nothing has worked out in our favour. For the first time in my entire life, i fell in love with my friend/work colleague this year. I have known him for two years before we started our relationship.

He is born to buddhist parents but does not follow the religion. He is has never eaten pork in keeping with their customs. Does not drink or smoke.

I have told him how important my religion is to him and he has always accepted. He has even agreed to convert to Islam to make our union possible.

My parents found out about our relationship and have been against it from the get-go. They never even gave us a chance. Or have never even tried to sit me down and talk to me to find out the reasons as to why i prefer him. They have been against it from the get-go as their main problem is and has always been what will our relations think? (I was hammered quite badly and verbally abused. (please know that my parents are loving human beings) when the matter was revealed to them.)

With the help of my friends I managed to persuade them to give me 6 months time to reflect and make a sound decision. I was looking forward to a few months of no proposals and some time to turn to prayer and reflect on the right way to go. I put my relationship on hold even though i still love him as i want to make the right decision.

My parents have now gone back on their word 1 and half months into the agreement. They forced me to go see a guy, gave my consent against my wishes and have also arranged for the marriage to take place 6-9 months from now. They are now forcing me to talk to the guy despite my mental state of mind. I am extremely unhappy and depressed. I am in love with someone else and is now being forced to marry someone else in the name of our religion.

I know Islam does not believe in forcing anyone, Islam is a religion that preaches 'Sabr' and Our god is the most benevolent and the most merciful.

I have tried to reason with my parents, but to no avail. It just turned out to be an opportunity for them to get mad at me and shout at me. (once again, my parents are lovely people. they just want what they think is best for me).

My parents don't seem to realize that in addition to ruining my life, they are causing harm to another perfectly innocent person (the boy they are forcing me to marry). They keep saying that my future will be good and that no parent will put their child into a ditch.

I am extremely unhappy and depressed.

my boyfriend has now offered to take me away with the consent of his parents. I am so confused.

I am certain of only one thing. I am against this forced marriage and i still have feelings for my boyfriend.



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5 Responses »

  1. Your marriage with non Muslim will be Invalid .Even if he converts for the sake of marriage then this conversion will be invalid as conversion should be for the sake of Allah .In the same web sites we have seen many such cases where guys who converts for the sake of marriage ,went back to their old ways after honey moon phase was over and those Muslim girls living adulteroous life with them as they don't know what to do as they got kids too ..they are confused how to raise their kids as father is kaafir ..i suggest you leave this man completely else you risk yourself in to big problem .He will guide you to kufr and you will be looser after you die ..take more time from your parents but first end your haraam relationship with this man .

  2. I've been in the same situation as you the only difference was that I got married to and was forced and that ended in divorce. What I suggest is to not get married and to not go with your bf either. Both of these things will ruin your life! U will fall in love with the right guy at the right time! Trust me on that!! I left both my Xbf whom I loved very much and my xhusband. I know its hard to move on from your xbf but u can do it!

  3. Salaam sister,

    Since ur bf is not muslim i think u shoulnt try to marry him it wont worth it. Like its been mentioned above even if convert for mirrege sake ur marriege wont be valid n u will be risking ur life n hereafter.. i wonder why u even started a relitionship with him in first place.. no one perfact sister u wont find perfact pertner. If think ur bf is perfact then his religoin is not.. if hes ready to accept islam for the sake of allah then it might work..

    Why dont u meet the guy ur perents chosen for u. See how is he. His charector n deen. If u didnt like him then dont give in to perents wishes. That will ruint his life too. U have to accept it from heart.

    May allah help u n make it easy for u.

  4. This is a test that ALLAH S.W has given you...

    Definitely, ALLAH is testing your IMAAN and HE is looking what you will choose:
    Your parents or boyfriend?

    You have to make the right choice for DEEN and AKHEERA.

  5. Muslim women cannot marry non-muslims. Period.
    Your boyfriend, though doesn't practise Buddhism: his parents’ religion, yet takes permission from them to take you away. So that means he is very much under their influence and can have an awakening to his reality anytime. Just like you are very much under your parental influence. You mention that they are lovely people many times over.
    Just a thought: both of you love your parents; so what set of grandparents will your children love: buddhist or muslim. And if they choose to love none and become atheists and estranged from you both then what will you do?
    Leave everything and turn to Allah SWT and pray and recite astaghfar and ask Him to show you guidance. Dont go with your boyfriend and dont bother with your fiance. Take time out.
    At the end of a few months time, tell your parents you dont want to marry their chosen guy if you still don’t want to.
    Be strong.
    Lots of muslim women, much older than you are not married and have been trying for many more years. It is their test and trial in this world. Accept that. Don’t go for forbidden relations.
    May Allah SWT guide and forgive us all; for we are all nothing without His Mercy.

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