Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Being gay/bisexual in Islam

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Hello,

This is my second post here and I had so many positive, supportive responses the first time so I found the courage to post this too.

I'm trying to be a religious person, I do my prayers five times a day for like 6 years now and I'm 20. I love my religion too and I want to be a good Muslim. But I have some different feelings that I've heard my religion doesn't allow. I think I like girls as well as guys but I haven't been with a girl or liked any particular girl so far. Don't tell me this is just wrong and these are not natural things cause I know what I feel. You can't switch off your feelings. Tell me is it really sin for a woman to be with a woman? If so, will it still be a sin if I feel the way I feel but do not act upon it? Like even if I like girls or just one girl in particular but not be with her or not tell her about my feelings? I shared my situation with two of my friends now, is it bad that I told this to people? I am a bit confused and scared. Doesn't our merciful Allah love all? He created us and this is something in my nature not something I chose.

TMI!
I can actually get aroused by girls too and to be honest when I think about having sex with a girl or a girl masturbating it excites me more than a guy would. Ever since my adolesence started, I've always had sex dreams with girls and I tried to convince myself it didn't mean anything. I didn't get turned on by a real person until this year, it was all dreams or celebrities or people I saw on internet.

Please don't be rude or harsh with your words, thank you.

shay

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14 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaikum,
    Coincidentally we just had a talk about this topic at the girls youth group for my Islamic school.
    First of all, from what I've learned, it's ok to have gay feelings, as long as you don't act upon it or speak of it. If you are 100% sure that these feelings are not something your making up or purposely thinking about, then that means it natural. However, you are islamically not allowed to act on these feelings, it's haraam.
    Maybe this is Allah's test for you, to see if you will do your best to fight these urges and follow Islamic ruling, or give in to your desires and sin. Just try not to purposely think about this stuff.
    Try to occupy yourself during your free time so that you won't think of such things.

  2. As-salamu alaykum,

    Homosexual physical relations are absolutely haram.

    If it is only thoughts and feelings and you do not act on them, you will not be punished or judged for that. However, you should make an effort to steer your thoughts in a halal direction. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the haram desires. When the thought of haram comes to you, make an effort to move your thoughts to something else.

    You have stated that you do like boys and find them attractive. I think you should make an effort to get married soon, so that you can satisfy your desires in a halal way.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Thanks for your reply.

      This wasn't a problem until now cause I've developed strong feelings for a girl for a while now and.. She has a girlfriend anyway but it hurts so much and the fact that I'm not allowed to be with her or another girl just makes me repulsed by men. I don't know what to do anymore...

  3. OP: I can actually get aroused by girls too and to be honest when I think about having sex with a girl or a girl masturbating it excites me more than a guy would.

    You know how it feels when you masturbate.....so you know how a girl will feel when she masturbates. If you get a great feeling masturbating, your imaginary feelings get enhanced when you fantasize sex with a girl or imagine a girl masturbating.

    Are you afraid of men? You may be feeling at ease with girls. That may be another reason why you tend to think about girls.

    You are not alone about same sex attraction. Some one have mentioned in their comment "they had a talk about this topic at the girls youth group in her Islamic school". This just shows it is an important concern for many girls

    • The devils flows through the veins of Adam and his offsprings.Foundation must be correct if the heart is correct then the whole body will be correct. Are we praying 5 times a day on time with proper wudu are we reading quran daily are we reading some Islamic knowledge are we participating with are community . Helping poor etc...

  4. Assalamwalekum dear sister.
    I am almost 29 now but when i had first entered puberty my first sexual thought or arrousal or whatever you want to call it happened when i accidentaly read about a lesbian scene in a book. For a long time the imagery of that scrne often got me thinki g sexually and i did think i coud be attracted to women. However even though i studied in a girls boarding i was never attractef to any friend of mine ...so trust me i was veru very confused. It was only in college when i met boys and developed crushes on thsm i realised that maybe i was wrong about my sexuality. Later when i married a man and had my first sexual experience i had a lot if trouble with the actual intercourse. I was often scared and even if the foreplay did make me aroused the peneyration alwaus left me crying even after the hymen had been broken and there wasnt pain anymore..with later though things becane better but not much.
    Anyway why i am sharing this with you is because that i have tealised that in my case the first sexual thought wete about two women it trigerred a sense in me that i find girls attractive which i didnt. So maybe something like that too has trigerred in you that feeling even if you arent. And even though it didnt happen with me you have targetted those feeli gs on a girl friend of yours. Secondly after marriage i realised that i pretty much hate sex. Not the kissing and foreplay and stuff but the actual penetration and since only men can do that to you i feel that tbis is why i was once arroused by women having sex since it didnt involve any penetration. So my fears have a part in it too. I have grown up now and have learnt to love with it. You are still young. Remember these are tests on you which you must pass so every time you feel like that remember that its not rral. It will pass and yoh will grow out of it. I dont know if sharing with your friends was a wrong thing . I dont think do. But please dont act on it. Since you are a good muslim you will regret it later. Have faith

    • In my opinion, I think that's something you've put by yourself in your heart and Allah is testing your weakness. Yes it is a sin for a women to be with another women and that's why Allah created a men for a woman. I think everyone who are so called muslims should understand that it's a sin. Sister I suggest you pray and make it sincere. Audhubillah. Please don't let shaytan control u

  5. please have yourself checked out . possibility blk magic could be present . this is common but little talked about or known ..Ask your local Imam to examine you or knows someone who specialize in this dark art. My dear in Islam theres a answer for everything.

    • Meh, I don't really think its black magic. I think its just more of a problem of thoughts and desires, and how to control them.

  6. (Regarding: You cant Switch your feelings off)
    If you come to think about it, Human beings are the only species whose sexual response system is directly linked with our conscious minds in a way which is not found in any other specie on earth. Given the right circumstances and way of thinking/Rationalization a human being could be sexually attracted to almost anything, from inanimate objects to animals, to same sex to parents, siblings, fish, insects,Because our sexual systems are not like animals they are not automatic, they have a layer of consciousness over it.Thinking about certain things puts us on a natural progression towards certain sexual deviations.

    For example
    Watch too much porn/Fantasizing= Too much dopamine in your brain = Desensitization =Looking for more exciting things=crazy sexual desires=Keeps on getting crazier=You end up doing something for lust which you cant even believe 😛

    Specific to your question:
    You are leaning towards bisexual because EITHER you have developed an aversion to males (Lots of reasons) or your brain is associating some kind of feeling (Safety you feel with girls, caring attitude of girls, softness,shyness of women, the "female" way of loving and caring) with love and sexual attraction.
    This bisexuality you are feeling isnt bisexuality, its an aversion to males, the more you will think about it,,the more towards lesbianism its going to move towards(As evident from your post) pretty soon you will be making posts about being a lesbian and not wanting to marry instead of being bisexual,if you keep encouraging the pursuit of this sexual attraction as it will solidify your brains presumptions about what it thinks is the right way to get more dopamine.

    Stay away from porn, and try to asses the feelings you want to feel with a woman/What do you think only a woman can provide you? and then think about what is at the core of it. i.e
    You think a girl looks attractive as apposed to a male because she looks helpless/shy/weak/soft/more romantic/more fabulous/more tantalizing?
    Then think why do you presume a man cannot be all that?
    Its not the gender of a person that your sexual system wants. Its the Feelings and the way your brain is thinking.
    If your brain somehow decided that extremely solid things are sexy, you would be having naughty thoughts about a BRICK😛
    trust me, its all in the head

    Relating my Psychological jargon with Islam:
    That's why islam teaches us to train our brains, by putting it on the path of correct thinking and correct rationalization.Train your brain to understand what is the right way to get dopamine,
    Stop PORN
    Stop Fantasizing
    Stop Masterbation
    Never look at naked/half naked men or women on tv movies etc
    OVERALL stay away from anything that your brain thinks is "sexy"
    do this for atleast 6 to 9 months STRICTLY

    and slowly the level of dopamine in your brain will start to reduce and resensitize.(This will be really hard i know, Dopamine addiction is more severe then Cocaine,For a few weeks you will feel urges to masterbate and fantisize but try to stay strong,you might even feel irritated,angry and frustrated,Your brain will literally beg you to fantasize things it wants to do, because for your brain, REAL and IMAGINARY as the same things "DOPAMINE", But islam only punishes for REAL things, but imagining will make it more and more harder for you to stay away from the REAL as your brain will be thinking "Oh i love it, i have been doing it for ages )
    This is why one SIN leads to Others.
    Then when you will get married inshallah, Even a sift touch from your husband will feel a 100 times more precious and exciting to you then a 100 half naked girls.
    Islam is about understanding what/How Allah has created us. and then realizing his wisdom in what he orders us to do. and then Staying disciplined to take the best advantage of his commandments.

    May Allah help you in this.

  7. Sabre: Watch too much porn/Fantasizing= Too much dopamine in your brain = Desensitization =Looking for more exciting things=crazy sexual desires=Keeps on getting crazier=You end up doing something for lust which you cant even believe

    What is desensitization? Are you trying to say too much dopamine desensitizes sexual desires and at the same time make you look for more exciting things?

    Do you think these problems of watching too much porn/fantasizing happen in countries like Saudi arabia, Iran where most women wear burqa and men are not allowed to watch porn or talk to women?

    I am curious to know if men and women in Saudi arabia have similar sexual behavior as Muslims living in Western countries?

    Have you heard about Bachabazi in Afghanistan? Do you think high levels of dopamine causes that?
    You can search about bachabazi on the Internet.

    • A quick search on google about dopamine would have answered your questions but,,let me clarify, Dopamine handles reward search.Pleasure and also the will to take action to achieve it.
      So if you are fantasizing about something, more and more exciting fantasies will have to be created in your mind to achieve the same level of pleasure(In real/fantasy).Hence "Desensitization". Therefore NORMAl stimulus will not excite you enough if your brain is drowning in dopamine and something "SPECIAL" will be required.Leading you into all types of sexual deviations.

      So basically it doesn't matter if you are in a restrictive society or not.More dopamine will always equal to desensitization as more and more quantities of dopamine will be required to achieve the same level of pleasure.
      Its similar to Law of diminishing returns in economy.It doesn't matter if you are in a country where sexual stimulai are too little.Over sensitization (Without a disciplined mind) and or desensitization (Without a disciplined mind will both lead to bad outcomes) but more often than not the problem is desensitization because of fantasizing, Over Sensitization is RARE because it might only happen to people who are ultra deciplined and have stayed away from stimulus like an expert..Something like a MONK or something.
      In case of muslims you are supposed to marry / Fast to prevent over sensitization.

  8. I am thinking about it many times.
    Islam is a very peace religion.
    All his rule is to bring the goodnes to the doer, en his surrounding.

    But in Islam - Lesbian, gay, bisex punished to death.

    Questioning my self. Why? Why can't lesbian/gay/ bisex have a room in moslem society?

    The answer is "He is not gonna trial you more than what you can received"

    That means - it's a trial to a person.

    If someone get trial in economy, other in healthy, other in physically, other with family, and other wth sexual desire.

    It's proven:
    Normal people can changed to lesbi/gay/bisex.
    It can spread to other, because basically its a sickness - The same as influenza, or other sickness.

    Since it's a sickness - it can be cure.

    The question will be:
    "do you want to be normal?" and "how hard are you trying to be normal?" '" what are effort have you taking to be normal"

    Since, it's a mind sickness and desire (nafs), the cure may take forever.

    It's the same as trauma patient, or depresion, or any mental problem which could take long time to cure.
    The same as learning sabr (patient), learning Tawadhu (low esteem), learning adl (fair) -> handle your nafs (desire), by sexual sickness - you learn to handle your sexual nafs (desire), bend it to the desire where it should be.

    There are many solution given by other sisters and brothers, the other solution - and the best is to get married.

  9. There are many topics and discussions about being gay or bisexual in islam. In the entire Quran there is no such topic about any kind of homosexuality or bisexuality, it's about lust between men in a period of absence of women, which is forbidden.

    Any remark about homosexual love, love between two people of the same gender, or about bisexual love, isn't mentioned at all, because the Quran was made available in 632 a.d., the word homosexual was first created in 1892 a.d.

    Lust between two people of the same gender is forbidden in the Quran. There is no topic, not one surah, which tells anything negative about true love between people of the same gender. Why should there be, any way, our Lord, Allah subhanah wa ta'ala created us all, he created men and women in various colors, short, tall, slim, fat, healthy, sick, handicapped, straight, gay, bisexual, transgender.

    On of His main demands is, we live in peace with each other, help one another where ever and when ever we can, accept people who are 'different' as they are, show Him we're good enough, show him we've honestly and happily earned our entry to Jannah al Firdaus after our time in Dunya has ended.

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