Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Betrayal, do I confront these brothers?

Hi I posted this over a year ago http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-wife-is-jealous/

I recently found out that a couple of brothers in my circle proposed to my wife behind my back knowing I was going to ask for her hand. I can remember even asking these brothers for advice on how I can immerse myself better with Moroccan culture to make my wife happy. They were one of the first people I informed on my intention to ask her Dad for permission. I am half Spanish so Arabic is not my mother tongue. Apparently they were confident my father in-law would not accept my proposal. They put pressure on my wife's family despite my father in-law explaining respectfully they were too late as my wife had her mind on someone else.

My wife kept this quiet and made her family promise not to say anything to avoid problems. But she blurted it out during an argument we had. I was defending one of these 'brothers' after they were involved in an incident. Thinking back there were a couple of times one of them hinted my wife was too Americanised and outspoken from what they seen (this was before we were married). People I treated as friends behaved in this way confuses me. I know it's in the past and that I should move on. But I associate with these brothers on a regular basis. It's hard to face these people without saying anything. I want to fight just thinking about it. I am angry and I have been betrayed.

J.B.


Tagged as: , , , , ,

2 Responses »

  1. Have you spoken to them about this?

    Maybe look inside brother and think about why you are angry? On a deep level and ask if it's worth getting upset about?

    People sometimes disappoint you, there is no one perfect out there expect for Allah. We are all human. You just saw their human side, it ugly and it's hurtful. We all sometimes do stupid things.

    Sometimes it helps me to write out or type out a note to someone....you don't have to send it....but it's nice way of working out your feeling and what you would say to them if you could.

    Also, make lots of dua for Allah to forgive them and give you peace.

    http://productivemuslim.com/forgiving-others-enhancing-personal-productivity/.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Despite receiving the other proposals, your wife accepted you as her husband. You're the man she chose.

    These brothers may not have behaved in the best of ways, but this is in the past now - everyone has changed as time has passed by, and they may now actually wish they hadn't done some of these things.

    My advice would be to try to leave this issue in the past - I wouldn't confront or accuse them, as that could just escalate things and cause more negativity between you all. I like Sister Samira's suggestion of writing (and not sending) a letter, to get this out of your system.

    Another thing to be mindful of is that as they are not your wife's mahrams, there should be limits in terms of their interactions with her - just make sure that everyone is respecting appropriate boundaries.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

Leave a Response