Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Betrayed and cheated. Please help!

True Love

So there was this guy I was in a relation with..we knew each other for six years and throughout the relation we committed many sinful things. I was always into getting married and he used to say that yes we will get married and he used to love me but then I had enough of this because honestly five years had passed and he still didn't ask for my hand in marriage. He always used to make up excuses and to be honest they seemed pretty valid at that time and I fell in his trap.

So after a while I had enough of this and I stopped talking to him for a whole month thinking he would miss me and will do something as he used to say that he loves me. But he never contacted me in this whole while and after sometime he started putting up indirect statuses for me on whatsapp.

Then one thing led to another and we came in contact again and now this time he seemed a little distant. I thought maybe it's some pressure he is under and I know he loves me and he will find a way.

He used to tell me that he had talked to his family and they are not agreeing and they are having financial issues etc and he can't get married and all.

Then after sometime I found out that he had his dua-e-khair done with some other girl. I found a picture of them together online.

I confronted him and he straight up refused at first that its not his...it was his cousin's. Anyways then he admitted and I cried so much. I couldn't believe it but anyways he told me "what do you want me to do... you left me and I was under pressure by my family and they were not accepting you and all".

He asked me what I want and he'll do it and I asked him to end things with that other girl and he agreed. Days passed and then months and he continuously talked to me and sent me lovey dovey messages and all. After 3 months I asked why is he still not ending things with her but he always made up excuses and all that "it's not this simple" and "I am working on it" and "you shouldn't worry so much". I was literally a fool to believe each and every word he said.

And after four months since his dua-e-khair I found out that this girl is married and this time when I asked him, he told me "yes she is married but not to me because I ended things with her so now you should be happy" and then I asked him when will his parents talk to mine he said very soon.

Few days after curiosity was bugging me and I asked that girl directly who she got married to and she told me its HIM! I still couldn't believe her so I asked for a proof and she sent me their pictures and I was literally shattered. He cheated on me. And before his nikkah he borrowed some money from me and I was a fool that I gave him that easily because I really trusted him a lot but he cheated on me so so badly.

The girl asked me who I was and I told her. I then sent the picture to him that she sent me and he blocked me. He didn't even say a word or gave me any reason or anything. I called him again and again to at least talk to me once and he did and I asked him why did he do this and if he ever even loved me and he acted like he did and if he was under pressure and he couldn't do a thing.

He said "give me time I need to think" and then the next day he called me and put that girl in conference and told me that "from today onwards do not contact me as I am married now and I like my wife" and I was literally crying and that girl insulted me so badly. Her words haunt me each and everyday. She called me a slut and said sluts like you deserve this and had you been this great then he would've married you but he selected me and not you.

I feel somebody ripped my heart from my chest. He was listening to all of this and right after she finished speaking he cut the call. I was literally numb and shocked to reply back or say anything and before I could even come up with anything to utter he disconnected the call.

I feel so used and cheated. I cry each and everyday and I feel so depressed. He drained me so much and I feel so bad as he is showing to his wife as I was the one who was crazy after him and he had nothing to do with me even when I sent that girl all the proofs of the world and some I chose not to show but anyways he manipulated her the way he manipulated me and here I am left with nothing.

He wasted my time and took my money (a huge amount) and played with my emotions and feelings. I am so deeply hurt. A part of me still wants him back but I don't get it why he played so fake and if he didn't wanted anything to do with me then he could have dumped me before but why the hell did he played along and made me dream that things will work out and he will marry me but then did this to me.

I don't know what to do or how to move on. I started praying regularly and I try to be patient but all of this hurts so much. I can't ignore all of this and I literally cry daily and I feel as I can't ever love or trust anyone ever again. I prayed all this time hoping things will work out and in all this tension I started praying regularly and I literally prayed and did many hajat nafal so things might work out but I had been betrayed so badly.

I literally tried everything in my power and this is how I got cheated on and it hurts because I did everything in my power but he did nothing. He only used me as his time pass and married that girl.

That girl hurts me so much putting up indirect statuses and pictures for me. I wish I never told her who I was or anything as she is now making me feel even worse. She even told her friends about me and people who don't even know me are now judging me like I'm some desperate girl after her husband.

It hurts alot and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

sonya00

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15 Responses »

  1. Sister, I say this compassionately but that man was unlawful for you and through him you sinned, and degraded yourself for him, and he drew more power over you by controlling you via indirect whatsapp statuses that may or may not be about you. He was unlawfully with you for 6 years and out of the blue got engaged and married? That would have been planned for ages and the fact he kept you on a string sister in a way it is Allahs blessing on you that his sordid lies have been uncovered and revealed to you.
    Imagine if you had carried on your affair without knowing he was married. Imagine if you hadn't contacted the girl (thus becoming a threat to his new relationship) he would have strung you along for more years until he bled you dry. Imagine if your parents had been told.
    Over the years im guessing this relationship has chipped away at your self worth and confidence. Otherwise why else would you be looking at his wife's statuses and breaking yourself over such a low man.
    I pity his wife for ending up with him but I still think you should count your blessings as you may have lost money and respect but you really should consider this as your chance to completely repent and ask for forgiveness and focus on building up your confidence again sister.
    Let him live his life and you focus on your own. The fact you left him before suggests you already knew he was unworthy anyway, and the way he has treated you must be really really hard and the ultimate betrayal but if you pray sister you will see over time what a good thing that has been for you,
    Block him and his wife, stop looking at their statuses and let them live their life, which has already started on a really bad note.

  2. Assalam wa Alaikum sister

    I am sorry to hear that this man used and cheated on you. Please remember this is what he did and please don't make excuses for his behaviour. He used you to meet his physical and emotional needs and I am sure you honestly loved him and he took your love and gave you lies, false promises of marriage and also took your money.

    Say Alhamdulillah because you are out of this haram relationship which you have been having for 6 years and just imagine if you didn't find out about him being married, then you would have allowed him to keep using you and allowed him to cheat on his wife. The abuse you got from his wife was harsh and you did nothing wrong in telling her as I believe she has a right to know.

    He is her husband now and she has rights over him which you do not and sorry to say never really had as you two were not married. However zina (major sin), and deception and lying are haram and he will get his due punishment as Allah is Al-Muqsit (just). But also you need to understand that you committed zina willingly and that you need to sincerely repent for that. Relationship between men and women are haram so you should never have had such relationship in the first place but inshaaAllah if you truly repent and keep away from such relationship then you would be forgiven.

    Please sister for your own good stay away from him, delete all those pics that you have of him and learn about Islam and how great it is to be a muslim. This life is short and the next is eternal, try your best to gain your place in Jannah (eternal paradise).

    Don't ask him why he lied and cheated, you know the answer deep down, it is because he enjoyed using you for sexual pleasure and you made him feel good about himself and he never really cared for you and never will as he never had the intention to marry you. 6 years is a long time of lying to you about marrying you so be thankful that Allah saved you. This pain it is your test and I am really glad to hear that you are returning to Allah by praying regularly. Guard yourself sister and stay away from committing zina again. Allah is the most merciful and forgiving so turn to him alone.

    I also advise you that when someone has used you like that you may feel lonely so please spend time with family or close female friends so you don't feel lonely and sad. Go see places you haven't been to and maybe join an Islamic class or something your interested in. Reading or listening to the Quran can also make you feel better. Please don't leave room for sadness, life really is too short.

    About not trusting anyone, it is more important to trust in Allah. Allah will be the one that heals your heart. You need to understand and believe no one can heal you except Allah. Life is a test, have patience and turn to Allah alone for your needs and wants. Hope I helped.

    • She has not mentioned about any zina ,just relationship

      • Assalam wa alikum, I made a presumption from what she said which was, "we knew each other for six years and throughout the relation we committed many sinful things" but yes I know I shouldn't have made a presumption and Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah for this). I am also truly sorry to the sister I made the presumption about. Thank you for pointing it out otherwise I would have never have noticed what I wrote and that she never said Zina.

  3. As Salam O Alaikum

    Sister foremost thing you shouldnt trust anyone so blindly.

    There is a saying..

    " TRUST BUT VERIFY "

    Anyways we are Human beings. Mistakes happen. But we shouldnt keep loitering around them rather we should move on. And remember , WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. Down the line you will see the same guy going through all mishaps the way he made you go through.

    Lastly stop syping on that girls profile pictures or Whats App status messages. Seems she doesnt really have anything else to do in life rather than doing such stuffs. That is why ignore and Block them right away and delete them right away.

    I have a staunch feeling although i dont know you that sometime from now that same man will try to contact you by some means. You have to gather all guts and IGNORE him and concentrate on the beautiful life which ALLAH (swt) has grant you.

    Hazrat ALI (r.a) has said -

    " Be afraid of a gentleman when he is hungry, and of a mean person when his stomach is full " .

    So beware sister.

    May ALLAH (SWT) grant you peace and strength to move on asap.

    Wa Salam

    • I agree he will definitely try and contact you, as it has been really easy for him to use you and it's your ruin if you reply.

  4. Asalaam Walailum Sister,

    Be grateful he is out of your life. He sounds like a Coward. Anyway thank Allah you never married him becuase this shows what his true character is like. I can guarantee you would have had some serious issues about something.

    He lied to ypu again and again and he took your money, trust and Dignity but remember all these are just Dunya related things.

    Repent and move on ... get closer to Allah and use this as a means to get closer to Allah. Normally it takes us to do sins and then to repent to get closer to Allah. Let other say and do whatever they like ... they will have to account for it in the Court of Allah.

    Also if you genuinly move on and forget about people it will annoy these people more ... peoppe like this get a buzz seeing others hurt.

    May Allah make it easy for you and Bless you with a Husband of great Character and Imaan .

    Ameen!

  5. Hey just forget about what that girl is saying okay? Its not your fault its fine. We all commit sins and thats why we are humans. Repent to Allah and ask for forgiveness. Try to move on and don't think about this jerk! You deserve someone much better. This girl your talking about is also being fooled by him and very soon she will find out the truth don't let her bother you, don't show them that its bothering you ... Just completely ignore him and his wife and she will eventually stop updating those statuses. Maybe those updates are not even meant for you and maybe your overthinking. Don't check his or her profile just block them in everything... don't stalk them in facebook it will only make you feel even more bad. Just remember that this pain your going through right now is only going to be temporary one and have strong faith in Allah. He will make everything easy for you and you will find a nice guy who will truly love you. People like this guy doesn't even deserve love. Don't waste your tears on some guy who doesn't even care about you sis.... I will ask dua for you In Sha Allah. Be strong 🙂

  6. My dear sister in the deen,

    May Allah preserve you in this world and the next. I really feel bad for you, my heart hurts just reading through your story, I feel angry at the devil that cheated you. May Allah put ease into your heart.

    First of all sister, fear Allah, I know that sounds cliched, but if those words were placed on a mountain, it would crumble out of the weight of those words.

    Sister he chose his life and I think you should choose yours.

    1. Repent, repent and repent more for your sins, you will wonder at the things that it could do even though people don't consider it the real solution

    2. Stay away from this guy, stop looking at his life, block him from any social media sites, phone number etc ..

    3. Reflect on why you love this guy still, if all he did was use you, toyed with your emotions, considered you an object. cheated on you with his fiance, then cheated on his fiance with you(May Allah give him what he deserves), this is the work of the shaytaan, you inadvertently have taken him as an auliya and he is now focusing on the final push which is to make you despair in Allah and take you away from the fold of Islam.
    Allah Azzawajal says in the Quran :

    Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

    Quran 39:53

    O my sons! Go and inquire respecting Yusuf and his brother, and despair not of Allah's mercy; surely none despairs of Allah's mercy except the unbelieving people.

    Quran 12:87

    4.Our pious predecessor always ask Allah to give a calamity that would take them closer to Allah than a comfort/happiness that would take them away from Allah, they beauty of this dua is that they understood what the dunya was worth and how wonderful it is to be closer to the One who loves you despite your sins, the one who protects despite your ignorance towards him, the one who calls towards you despite the fact you ran away from him, the one who wants you to call towards him even though you have forgotten him all these days , so sister Allah must love you so much that he wanted you to come back towards him not towards the devil who was taking your on the fast track to Jahannam. Imagine you married this guy, I can tell you a million reasons how you would crying till the day you die because this guy is not trust worth an opportunist and a parasite, Alhamdulillah you are now detached from this parasite, consider this an painful operation to cure you cancer, the fact is that now you cured, you are in rehabilitation you will feel even more pain now that your cancer is cured since you had to go through medication that was more painful than the cancer itself, but now understand that the worse the cancer the more time it will take for the rehabilitation .

    5. Put your chin up, you sinned,pfft, big deal, Allah is Ar-Rahmaan tell the people who tell you other wise that I may be the a "dirty slut" according to you , but my Rahmaan is the most pure and his mercy is so great that even Shaytaan deludes himself into thinking that my Allah will forgive me, but I am not Shaytaan and I am not delusional and I will keep asking Allah to forgive as it is his sunnah forgive a slave who seeks his repentance.

    6. Forgive and Forget the words of the girl who spoke ill to you, she too is a victim as you are, the guy has manipulated her too, May Allah guide her and forgive her. You heart will heal and it will grow back strong, don't keep the Invaluable lessons that you learnt and the wisdom it bestowed within yourself , now you know what it is to be feel betrayed, treated like garbage, and being in haram relationships make an effort to protect the other sisters who are yet to fall into this sin, be the voice of reason for these sisters as they need guidance. Stay true to Allah and he will send you a man whom you will be pleased with and I can vouch for that.

    7. You are now in a position where you cry in your prayers, you can cry in your dua and relate to people like you, life is cruel and it has beaten you down to your knees, you are the closest to your praying to Allah now. I will leave you with two things to make your heart feel better.

    One a wonderful hadith

    Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet sent Mu’adh to Yemen and said, “Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah.” (Bukhari)

    Two a true story of a guy cheated on a girl and the consequences he faced later on

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V6_j9XEp2E

    All your duas will be answered, you can either forgive this guy,pray for his guidance and pray for a happy life with his family, then the angels would ask the same for you(notice i mentioned angels not angel) and whose dua do you think is a no brainer, Allah would grant the same to you.

    On the authority of Umm Darda (May Allah be pleased with her) it is reported that Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:

    “…the dua of a muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted, and an angel is appointed to his side, whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says “Ameen and may you also be blessed with the same”

    [Muslim]

    You can choose to either forgive or ask Allah to avenge you, you are entitled for both and you would not be sinning if you did either of the two, but when you forgive for the sake of Allah, Subhana Allah ... then your reward is with Allah.

  7. Salaam Sister,

    I'm very sorry to hear what you have gone through. I make dua that Allah gives you the strength to overcome this experience and become a more stronger and more Islamic girl in the future.

    Be grateful to Allah that he saved you from this cruel guy and that you didn't end up marrying this cruel guy. Think about how badly he would have treated you after marriage as he is changing his colours everytime.

    Some guys just manipulate and use innocent girls for their pleasure. It's hard to believe but there are lots of guys like this in this world who use innocent and loyal girls for their pleasure and timepass and then leave them when the times comes for marriage.

    I feel sorry for the girl he got married to. Poor girl doesn't know what an **** guy she got married to. I hope she doesn't get mistreated and manipulated by him in the future.

    Repent sincerely to Allah for your sins and thank Allah for what he has saved you from.

    Keep steadfast on the deen and learn more and practice more about Islam and Inshallah you will get a much much better Husband than that stupid guy.

    May Allah grant you peace.

  8. assalaamualaikum just want to say unlike these other replies, I've been in your shoes, same story only difference is I was with a girl for 2 years. Alhamdulillah left the badman lifestyle for deen and completing aalim course now. I'll keep it brief but important.
    First of all trust me your lucky to have found out he's a wasteman, you do NOT want to marry a guy who cheats.
    You WILL get over it, it just takes a few months.
    Don't ever get yourself in a haram relationship again, they have NEVER lasted except for non muslims.
    Don't speak to any boy, don't go on your phone much.
    Stop listening to music (VERY IMPORTANT).
    Make Sincere taubah for those 5 years of sin.
    Make dua for Allah to forgive and guide you.
    If you want more advice just reply.

  9. Assalamu alekum warahmotullahi

    dear sister, i feel touched reading your story. I can only ask God to ease your pain and i am sure you've learnt your lessons. I know how you feel because i've been through something similar too but i had to let go because i never knew he was married to another while we were still dating. i accepted the whole thing in a good faith,not easy though but turned to Allah for mercies and forgiveness. with fasting, steadfastness and faith in Allah, i was able to overcome everything and today, i am married to the person i can refer to as definition of ALLAH'S RAHMAH, MERCY AND KINDNESS.
    sister, try hard to forgive him and let go of hatred, continue to seek forgivness and have faith in Allah. i am sure ALLAH will ease your pains and grant your heart desires.

  10. Can I speak to you girl ? I feel sorry for you. I need to tell you something that really works. He will be ashamed and get back to u soon begging for forgiveness.

    • Whatever it is you have to offer, you can write it here please. We do not allow the exchange of private contact information.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. You don't have to ask anyone for an opinion. Sujood is where you would find your answer don't cry in public of your feelings cry to the hidden and ask him to help you he will surely listen to your prayers and he surely will punish him for hurting you. Be happy he isn't in your life anymore he is not worth of being I pity on the woman who married him and still feel you are blessed. 🙂 Its a wake up call. Thank Allah for keeping you away from such people. God Bless You With The Precious One.

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