Islamic marriage advice and family advice

It will be a better life for my mum if i wasn’t here anymore

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Hi there I hope I am not disturbing anyone. I would just like to say that i am getting thoughts of suicide again today morning (I'm in  London). again i feel really bad and sad because today when I woke up I can hear my mum and sister shouting again just like everyday and after my sister went to school I could hear my mum talking and she was saying that she was angry and always tired for making us food and why don't they do anything themselves and also she said that where were actually born from, did we actually come from here belly i could hear these stuff from upstairs in my room.

It will be a better life for my mum and easier for her if i wasn't here anymore. she wouldn't have to cook for me and do anymore things and also she wouldn't be sad and angry anymore. I also ask her if she want help and then she say no and when i don't ask her if she need help she say to me why don't you help me.

Yesterday my dad was shouting at my sister and mum because my sister came home late after school because she went to the park with friends. again my dad using horrible swear words in English and Bengali and also drunk he drinks and smoke all the time which he gets angry if he does not smoke or drink.

I have thought of using cyanide pill because it is painless and quick it kills the whole c=body in less than 50 seconds and if i go hell i'll be dying again and again painlessly by the cyanide pill. wasalam alaykum people. the only thing i can dream of is the one i been thinking of since i was 15 years old. I've been thinking for a long time that when i'm older if i'm even alive i would love to adopt a baby girl i can just about imagine her cute face. i'll call her Anna Mannan or Gabrielle/Gabriella Mannan, to bad i'm never going to get to see the cute little daughter.

Today is not to hot or cold and is perfect to just sleep forever I'll see of you ladies and gentlemen on the Yawm ad-Din.

~Wasim Mannan

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12 Responses »

  1. Salaam ou alaikoum dear Wassim,

    I am very saddened by your post and it hurts to read how much you are in pain. However, I would like to tell you that I can guarantee you that it will NOT be better for your mother if you choose to kill yourself. In fact, you will hurt her in the worst way possible. Not only will you hurt her, you will hurt yourself and your Creator, Allah SWT who has put you on this earth with a purpose.

    I know when you are in that moment of desperation, ending it all seems like the best way to go. (Literally and figuratively.) But in the end, the rest and piece of mind you seek will never be achieved in this way. You will leave your loved ones behind in sorrow and you will leave yourself before the judgement of committing a great sin, that is to choose to take fate in your own hands and take your life away.

    Your life is precious, Wassim. To your mother, to those who love you, and to Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Do not take the things your mother says when she is in pain to heart. Her frustration is likely due to the situation at your home, and not because of you or your sister.

    Please remember that you are in a community with people who care, that Allah cares and that after every hardship, there will be relief inshAllah.

    I will make du'aa for you and hope you will reconsider your decision. It will not have the results you strive for. That is guaranteed.

    If you wish to achieve piece of mind and heart, make du'a, pray and try to help you rmother out. It could be by doing small things like preparing your own lunch, or make a nice dinner for her one time.

    The most difficult periods in our lives are the most important lessons we have to learn. It will only make you stronger, more patient and more resilient. Life is full of hardships, but the fact that you feel pain at this moment, means you have felt happiness and will feel it soon again inshAllah. Don't give up hope, and your future.

    I wish you all the best, may Allah ease your burden and reward you for your patience and endurance. Ameen.

    Many blessings,

    Your sister Yasmeen

  2. Assalamu Alaikum Brother Wassim,

    you are sad and you have lost your inner peace. You feel helpless and hopeless. That is your own feelings to the situation you are going through. If you have family issues, taking your life will not make things better for your or anyone in your family.

    Please, instead of thinking about taking your life, try to discuss what is bothering you with your mom, dad, and sister. If your dad drinks, it is not your fault. you did not make him do it. You can talk to him about it but you cannot change him unless he wants to change.

    May be your mom is bothered by something and she is just trying to vent out things by complaining about chores. Try to talk to her. Even if she refuses your help, help her. Sit with your family and have a plan about how to divide chores if that is a source of conflict.

    I was 18 once, and I remember how I felt. As a teenager, you feel everyone is trying to get under your skin. You feel no one understands you. Your family loves you. May be they do not say that to you but deep inside their hearts they LOVE YOU and they only want you to succeed in life. Inshallah, once you have the cute daughter, you will understand how much your family loves. So, do not let them down.

    Brother Wassim, do not be hard on yourself. Taking your life is not the solution. If you are in school and you feel overwhelmed, may be you can see a school counselor. They are there to help you succeed. They will not judge you. Find resources in your community that can support you. Inshallah, you will find solution to every issue.

    Best wishes,

    Reader

  3. assalamalaikum
    It will be a better life for my mum and easier for her if i wasn't here anymore.

    YOU KNOW WHAT IS THE MEANING OF YOUR NAME I T IS JASMINE FLOWER AND YOU KNOW THE WORLD OEVR YOU SEARCH YOU WILL NOT GET ONE FLOWER WHICH EMITS SO MUCH FRAGRANCE AND MADNESS OF LOVE IN THE ATMOSPHERE-
    IN INDIA PAK AND MANY COUNTRIES THE WHOLE ROOM OF THE BRIDEGROOM IS FILLED WITH IT SO THAT THEY REMEMBER THAT NIGHT WITH THESE FLOWERS AS A LIFETIME YEARNING WHICH MARKS THE STARTING OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE AND THE THINGS YOU ARE MENTIONING R OF HATREDNESS 1 ST AND FOREMOST YOU ARE HURTING ALLAH BY THINKING ABOUT THE WORD LEAVE ALONE THE ACT.YOU ARE GOOD LOVING GIRL AND SO GOOD THAT THAT STAN IS THINKING OF ALLURING YOU BUT HE WILL NOT SUCCEED-
    THIS IS NOT MUSLIMS WORDS AND THINKING DEAR YASMEEN SATAN HAS CHALLENGED ALLAH THAT HIS ARMY WILL GREATER THAN THE FAITHFUL BELIEVERS ON THE DAY OF THE JUDGEMENT AND TYHSOE WHO LIVE FOR ALLAH WILL MEET THE PROPHETS AND BELIEVERS AND THOSE WHO FOLLOW SATAN WILL BE AMONG HIS COMRADES-
    “[Allaah said to Iblees:] And befool them gradually those whom you can among them with your voice (i.e. songs, music, and any other call for Allaah’s disobedience)…” [al-Israa’ 17:64SEE THSEE WHO WERE ASTRAY ARE COMING TO ALLAH FOR THEY ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL AND YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED UNLESS YOU ATTACH YOUR SELF TO ALLAH-
    Nicole Queen: Converts after seeing Youtube videos on Islam

    http://creatorstruth.ning.com/video/nicole-queen-converts-after

    READ http://www.koranworld.com

    Turning away in pride to beguile (men) from the way of Allah. For him in this world is ignominy, and on the Day of Resurrection We make him taste the doom of burning.

    THERE IS NO ONE ON THE DAY OF THE JUDGEMNT NEITHER MOTHER NOR FATHER YOU WILL FACE ALLAH ALONE SO DONT DO ANYTHING THAT WILL LEAVE YOU IN KURCH WHEN ALL RELATIONS ARE SEVERED-
    “And behold! You come to us bare and alone as We created you for the first time. And you have left behind you (in the world) all that We have given to you. We see not with you those who speak on your behalf whom you thought to be partners in your affairs. So now all relations between you have been cut off and your pet fancies have left you in sudden difficulty.HOLY QURAN.

  4. Brother Wasim,
    I can see that you are lost and situation at home is making it difficult to see things clearly. If you think suicide will solve the problem then it won't, if anything you will in unimaginable pain because you despaired the mercy of Allah (swt). When we recite Kalima, when we pray, when we recite Holy Quran, when we make dua, what does that all mean? It means that we trust in our Creator enough that what ever kind of situation he will bring us to which in turn is a test, HE will show us a way out to deal with that situation. When a Muslim thinks or commits suicide he lost the contract that we had with Allah (swt) the Almighty that we will never despair or lose hope and will always strive in HIS path to achieve our goal.
    Do you watch news? Do you read news paper etc etc? Do you think you are in worst situation than those in Palestine, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Kashmir, Pakistan, etc etc. People there are dying every day in bomb blasts, with different diseases, floods, earth quakes, even with weather conditions such as extreme cold and blazing hot weather. Some of them can't even afford food for 1 time a day, let alone 3 times or 3 course. I know your situation is not easy but are you alone in this? Did you look around just on this forum to find out what people are suffering with in their lives?
    Suicide is not a way out, it's a sure ticket to hell which no one ever came back to tell. Stop despairing and go out and make something of your self. You don't have to sit at home to face all this abuse, you are young, take part in activities which will help you focus on things which matter the most such as your studies and then career. In few years time when you are iA capable of supporting yourself then you can move out. Also, your mother's behavior for the most part is to blame on your drunk father, may be she can't cope with the abuse your father puts her through hence she takes it out on you and your sister. Off course it is not right thing but this is may be her way of easing her stress. So, please take charge of your life, make something of yourself and when you are independent then remove your mother and sister from that toxic environment. Speak to your local imam to speak to your father, if your father keeps abusing you and your mother then report him to police. But never ever think of suicide ever again.

    Take a look at this article,

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/suicide-in-islam/

    Write back to us if you need help. I am sorry if I wasn't precise or more clear in my reply as it is quite late in fact early morning and my brain is kind of shutting down.

    Muhammad1982,
    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  5. Pls dont kill ur self i shall help u pls, tell me whatt u need do u need

  6. Sallam my dear brother

    After reading your post, I am very saddened by the fact that you want to kill your self.
    My dear brother I am also from Bangladesh and live in London, and I fully understand how that Bangladeshi culture works. It's very difficult.
    I remember when I was young, my mother used to always yell and shout me and my sisters. I used to feel as thou my mother and father disliked me. But over the years I realised that that's part of growing up and culture
    In our culture it's very hard for a family member to show affections towards our children, but that does not mean that our family dislike us or hate us.
    Brother you have to be strong, and firm to your self. You have to think straight and don't let the saytan take you to a route that Allah tala has forbidden us to do down. We may think that taking our life in this dunya is will end everything but think about the hereafter.
    Allah has put us in this dunya for a purpose and we have to fulfill this duty.
    You stated that your father drinks. Your mother must me angry at that situation and not to you or your sister. Help your mother and take care of her and over time you will see that love she has for you.
    Take your mother shopping, take her for a walk or a very simple thing making her a cup of tea. These simple things make a very big difference. When you grow up you will realise how important a family is.

    Allah is always with us, he is testing you and me. Make dua to Allah, Allah loves us to beg to him, read the Quran and perform your sallah, and inshallah Allah will bless you.

    If you have any problems brother go to east London mosque and speak to the imams whom are there, they will support and help you as much as they can. the imams are from our same background. They will understand your situation. They are very knowleagbele people.

    You also stated in your post that you want a daughter, inshallah Allah will bless you and you will see that child, but don't let that dream vanish brother.

    If you need to talk brother, please contact me, and I will do everything in my power to support you.
    Sometimes talking to someone from your own background helps, and am here for you.

    I love you for the sake of Allah and may Allah bless you with happiness.

    Your dear brother
    Yahya

  7. Hostile parents are a serious problem and is a cause of driving children to suicide. Have patience and keep asking Allah for help. This too shall pass once you grow up inshallah. Don't think of suicide, it is never a solution. It is a way to jump from the hot pan into the fire. Shaytan messes with the hearts and minds of the people who are facing hardships. Don't fall into that trap.

    Whatever your parents are doing, it is wrong and they will have to answer to Allah for such cruel behavior. I feel you are much vulnerable person after reading your post. Don't feel that way. You are now going through a bad situation but it doesn't mean you are any less than everyone else. Build up a strong personality and confidence in yourself. Don't be scared just believe in Allah and pray to Him. Inshallah there will be soon a way for you to get out of this trouble.

  8. please dont take your life.
    What you need is to leave your home and give your parents space.
    Am veryyyy far from where you are but i wish i was in that country i would let you stay with me.
    Right now just go to mosque near near you and get help.
    Am praying for you
    its so heart breaking

  9. Brother Wasim,

    After reading your post I have relized that I shout and scream at my kids sometimes because I am angry at my husband. I take my anger out at my kids. I also get annoyed at doing chores in the house, because when you are upset the last thing you want to do is cook and clean and do household chores. But this does not mean that I do not love my kids. They mean the world to me. I say nasty things to the when I am angry but I don't mean any of it!

    Now I understand how it can have disastrous effects on children!. This is exactly what your mum is doing. Believe me she loves you and your sister immensly. All she is doing is taking out her anger and frustration which she feels towards your father on you and your sister. She does not mean any of it! Its her anger talking. When your mum is calm and quite speak to her kindly about how this is effecting you. She will then relize what she is doing.

    Please stop thinking about suicide! This will make things worse for you forever and your family. If there is a problem you need to pray to Allah and try to find a solution or make things easier. You need to be strong and fight back to make things easier. Not give up! The problem in your household is not you, your sister or mother. Its your father!

    Your mother needs to sort things out with him calmly. If things are getting out of hand maybe you should get relatives such as your aunts, uncles, grandparents involved from both sides. Explain to them how upset you are. I am sure they will try to resolve the issue.

    Please keep us posted how you are.

    Hope everything works out.

  10. My mum side of family is all in Bangladesh and in this country England It's only dad side of family. And sumaria my dad will not and will never change as he always do bad things and always swears saying F*** and b****. Today I got into university yeah but with lifes' good comes worse bad things. Today I saw a girl in uni she pretty wearing hijab and modest but she got a boyfriend they are both older than me. If she is modest and good Muslim with partner I would like to be in relationship because I never had girlfriend or kiss a girl or do zina. I want to do these things as I Will be happy and not stressed out also maybe some girl might love me first time.

  11. First of all, congratulations for not comitting suicide!
    I am also a bangladeshi and i also had a frustrated mother (though it was because of a jobless father not a drunken one). However, unlike you, i have never thought about the possibility of suicide. Its because whenever i looked at how my mother, who is a doctor, was coping with a jobless husband by shuffling jobs at clinics and hospitals (she almost was never at home), I always saw an indomitable spirit, the sort only possessed by bengali mothers (I am generalising here). This induced in me a stubborn spirit which has helped me even in the most depressing situations. So my advice is that dont look at your mother as a depressant (bengali mothers tend to be harsh), look at the good qualities in your mother, and also be a bit stubborn cause you shouldnt commit suicide no matter what!

  12. miki whoever you you sound nice and i wish you were in this country england/london and i would of love to stay with you and Jadu a definitely know what you mean. throughout my teen years i also have been having random thoughts of killing people and different ways to do it, i don't know why but sometimes i do think of suicide and killing at the same time.

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